It's a beautiful sunny day outside and I should be happy. But I feel upset and discouraged. In bullet form here's why:
- Yesterday I spent a loooong time trying to make my video for state convention in Alaska- which starts tomorrow. After burning my ankle with my overheated laptop (seriously!) I finally figured out what I wanted to say and how, and got a good recording, but the audio doesn't sync up with the video, and for the life of me, I can't figure out how to get it to. Unless anyone has any tech-knowledge I don't, I won't have a video for convention. :(
- I thought I had my class schedule all worked out yesterday, only to find out today that I can't take one of the classes I wanted to, so it's back to the drawing board. Registering for classes is made infinitely more difficult when I have to check with each teacher and ask, "Would it be okay if I had to drop out of your class three weeks early?" I abhor it. And I wonder if I really am making the right choice by taking an easy semester.
- Today I volunteered to help judge the Agricultural Communications CDE. It took over an hour longer than it was supposed to, and because I was 2 seconds too late for Media Smarts, I missed class and a quiz. And my project due Thursday is not even close to being done!
- Buying new make up doesn't make me any better at putting it on.
...and other things. But hey, I know from experience that dwelling on what gets me down never does anything to help me get back down. I know this is just the first of many times I will doubt what I'm doing, feel down on myself, even consider quitting. But I'm not quitting. This is what I want and hard times only make success sweeter...right?
So let's talk about something else. In Society and Disability class today (I did get to go to that one) we watched a video about teaching children with learning disabilities, and it made me think a lot about facilitation. I don't blog much about facilitation right now, because I'm not doing very much of it, but that will hopefully change when I get home for the summer.
I got to present a workshop at the Utah Leadership Conference in December, before I started this blog, that helped me improve my skills quite a bit. One thing I remember is talking with the other workshop presenters afterwards about how their workshops went, and we all had picked out the kids that were problems. They weren't really "problems," of course, but they went against the grain- didn't play along with the games, asked too many questions, gave input that really didn't help establish the point, or what have you. As a workshop presenter, these kids can be hard to work with, and sometimes you wish they'd just act like the others.
A leadership book I read earlier this year (and the title escapes me right now...I think it was by John C. Maxwell) presented something called the 80/20 principle, which says you should pour 80 percent of your energy into your top twenty employees/students/people.
I usually agree with leadership books, but this principle really bothered me. I think I'm more of a 20/80 principle type of a person. High school kids who are juggle four after school activities, a part time job, and a 4.0 GPA don't really need me. Of course I am going to give them as much attention as I can, but I really think my job as an FFA facilitator is to focus on those who I could really help to make important changes in their lives.
But how does that apply to facilitation? Because like I said, those students who need the most help are typically those who "ruin" the workshop. I keep thinking about ULC and I remember that there was an attendee there with an obvious mental disability. I should have reached out to her, but I just ignored her. That was so wrong.
But back to the video we watched. It was about teaching- not facilitation. When I was younger, I really wanted to be a teacher. The glitter has worn off a little now, I don't think I want a full-time career as a teacher, but I still have an interest in it. I think that's why I was so drawn to state, and now national office- because I get to be a teacher to students without doing it full time.
I heard somewhere that a lot of kids want to be teachers when they grow up because that's the only occupation they've really been exposed to. I also think it's because teachers have a lot of influence over their students during the year or two they have them in their care. That's obvious for me because I picked Mr. Geisler as one of the people who has had the most influence in my life.
Teachers can do a lot of good, and a lot of harm, to their students. I remember Mr. Geisler and all the great things he did for me, but the two other very vivid memories I have from middle school are from 6th and 8th grade, when two very well-meaning and good teachers hurt my feelings and made me cry because of some faulty teaching techniques.
I don't blame those teachers at all, it was honest mistake and I still hold them in the highest regard. But what I remember is not all the days of excellent teaching- but the one day of utter humiliation and embarrassment. I think sometimes teachers don't realize how their teaching tactics really effect students, which is what the movie focused on. The "teacher" in the video illustrated some things that teachers typically do that don't make sense, such as punishing or bribing students to answer questions they honestly cannot answer.
What I got from this is that you can't beat a dead horse. If I'm trying to make a point in a workshop, and it isn't working, I'll just have to switch tacts and be adaptable. I'm not perfect- I certainly don't claim to be. I had a few moments at ULC where I felt like I really got through to the students and did some last minute changes to my workshop which really worked well. Other moments, I ended up looking like an idiot.
To wrap up, my philosophy on workshops is to be adaptable. I'm going to focus on trying to reach all the students, not just the high achievers. I'm going to try to always uplift and never degrade, because I certainly don't want student's only experience with me to be one they remember because I was mean to them.
I hope the rest of your Tuesday is great, and here's hoping mine gets a little better too,
Rachel
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