Final Essay

Here's a version of what I wrote yesterday...more polished and essay-like.  l promise this is my last post here.  Enjoy!

What I’ve Learned

A few days ago one of my cousins shared a Dashboard Confessional song with me.  The song, ridiculously titled “Carve Your Heart Out Yourself,” was as depressing as its title and I hated it, but for some reason one of the lines got stuck in my head for the next few days:

“Man, it takes a silly girl to lie about the dreams she had…man, it takes a lonely girl to wish that she had never dreamed at all.”

Every time that line went through my head, I couldn’t help but think about how it applied to my life. 

In the twelve months and over 450 hours I spent preparing to run for National Office, I learned so much.  I systematically went through my entire life and philosophy, discovering who I am and what I stand for.  I can now say that there is probably no job-interview-type question that I can’t answer with confidence.

I improved my public speaking skills, both prepared and extemporaneous, and I worked hard to become more effective in teaching students through facilitation.  I read countless books on leadership and made weekly and monthly goals for self-improvement. 

Finally, I learned everything there is to know about FFA, the agricultural education system, and current agricultural issues.  When the process for running for Nationals was over, I thought this knowledge was pretty useless...but even if I don’t ever apply this knowledge again in my life, it sure has helped me in the Orientation to Agricultural Education class!

I thought that all the learning I would experience would be in preparation to run for National Office, but I was wrong.  The most important thing I learned from the process- perhaps the most important thing I’ve learned thus far in my life- came after the convention.

Failing to become a National FFA Officer was the biggest disappointment I’ve ever experienced.  And experiencing disappointment is not something I’m used to.  I’ve always been of the opinion that hard work leads to results, and my hypothesis has never been proven incorrect until now. 

Now…I’ve learned how life can be unfair.  I’ve learned that I can work as hard as a possibly can, and perform as well as I possibly can, and still not get what I want.  And that’s a hard thing to deal with.

For a while after National Convention, I never wanted to talk about the results.  That might have been my silly way of lying about my dreams.  I was too disappointed to talk about the good that came out of National Convention, and I was afraid that the people I loved would be disappointed in me.

Disappointment has taught me perspective.  Although I am not happy with the results of Convention, there are people in this world who are in much worse situations than I am.   It has also taught me how to be adaptable.  I am naturally a very organized person who plans out her life a year in advance.  My plans for 2011 included serving as a National FFA Officer, but now, I have an entire year with nothing on my calendar.  I am excited to fill that calendar with new adventures and learn to be more spontaneous.

Before, during and after the National Convention, I discovered what a fantastic support system I have.  I am so grateful for the friends and family that supported me in my most difficult hours.

While I was preparing for the convention, I constantly reminded myself of why I was sacrificing so much for my dreams by reading this quote by Arnold Bennett: “The real tragedy is the tragedy of the man who never in his life braves himself for his one supreme effort- he never stretches to his full capacity, never stands up to his full stature.”  I am glad that I had the opportunity to run for National Office.  It was something I was scared to do, and something that I wasn’t sure I could do-but I’m glad that I stretched myself to reach for dreams, even though those dreams weren’t fully realized.

What I learned from my experience was more than just facts and figures about agriculture and FFA.  I learned true leadership in being gracious in defeat and working to support those who are have been selected.  I learned empathy for people who have and will fail in life.  I learned perspective.  I learned the value of hard work, and I am learning how to overcome challenges.  I can't say I've learned that yet, because here I am, wondering what's next and trying not to feel like life as I knew it is now over.  I know that someday soon I'll look back on this period of life and think about how hard it was, and be grateful for the opportunity I had to learn all of this.  I'm not at that point yet, but I'm getting there slowly and surely.

I used to think that it would have been better to avoid this pain and wish that I had never applied for National Office.  But now, I am glad for the opportunity to learn.  And do I wish that I had never dreamed at all?  Definitely not. 

The End...or Perhaps Just the Beginning

This post is long overdue.  National Convention over a month ago, but as this is my last post on this blog, I wanted to make sure I did it right.  I wanted to make sure I wrote it in the right mindset and that I did the whole process, from start to finish, justice.  So here goes:

Actually, I didn't want to write this post at all.  I wanted to end this blog with a link to the press release that announced me as a new National Officer, with plenty of exclamation marks.  And I don't know that I am in the right "mindset," whatever that is.  I'm certainly not over my vast disappointment yet...and I'm not sure when I will be.  That's another reason why I hadn't written this post for so long: because I just didn't want to.  I didn't want to have to acknowledge my disappointment and let everyone down.  It was easier to leave up my last post, full of optimism, to leave everyone with a sense of hope for the future that I no longer have.

And right now, I probably wouldn't even be writing this, except that I kind of have to, due to an awesome thing called 4 credits of Independent Study "Special Projects in Agriculture" and my final assignment: a report on what I learned from running for National Office.  So I'm using this blog as a rough draft, to get all my good, bad and ugly feelings out there so that tomorrow I can sort them out into a profound little final paper.  Here goes:

A "Dashboard Confessional" song that I listened to recently features this line: "Man, it takes a silly girl to lie about the dreams she has.  Man, it takes a lonely girl to wish that she had never dreamed at all."  For some reason that line got stuck in my head and I couldn't help but think, "Am I that girl?"

I don't know that I lie about my dreams...but I certainly don't run about campus telling everyone I see "Hey guess what? It's been my dream to be a National Officer for three years and I tried and I totally failed!"  Nope.  I don't mention it.  And if someone brings it up I quickly sweep it under the rug, and say I'm fine, and say I "learned a lot" and all that stuff that people expect me to say.  I don't say I'm still disappointed....that I wake up almost every morning and remember that I'm probably never going to run up on the National stage after they've called my name and put on that jacket with nothing written on the back.  That's the stuff I don't talk about.  But that's the most important thing that I'm learning.

I feel like I'm living some kind of "scenes unseen" life, because no one ever tells you about this part of life.  All the stories are about overcoming challenges and being successful.  But no one ever tells you about what happens when you spend a year of your life dedicated to a goal, then you do the absolute best you can...then fail.  No one ever tells you about what happens when you plan out the next year of your life, only to have everything change.Well if you're interested, I can tell you.

I've learned exactly what "disappointment"  means, because I feel it all the time.  But I'm learning to use perspective.  Definitely a buzz word in my life right now...I could have it worse, much worse.  And, there are about thirty other people who probably feel just about as terrible as I do.  Like my mom said, I do't like this feeling, but would I wish it on anyone else?  Definitely not.

Enough of the whining.  Let's get to the learning!  I'm learning to be a lot more adaptable- it comes along with the whole "having all your plans for the next year frustrated" thing.  Unlike last year at this time, I don't have the next two years of my life planned out- I'm pretty clueless.  It's scary, but it's also kind of exhilarating.  And although one very big, really cool door has closed, a lot of other doors have opened up.  Like working at the Division again this summer.  And travelling the world.  And continuing my college education.  Whatever I want, really.  I'm committed to flying by the seat of my pants for all of next year and learning more in the process.

I've also been privileged to discover what a wonderful support system I have.  All during the week of finals, my phone was barraged with text messages wishing me luck, telling me to breathe, and reminding me that they believe in me.  My email inbox was constantly full and I know that the airwaves to above were filled with prayers.  And I know that even after the fact, none of those wonderful people in my life were ever disappointed in me.  I'm so grateful for that.

I also have thirty-five brand new friends- people who understand better than anyone what it takes to run for National Office and what it feels like to not make it.  I'm so grateful for that.

What I learned from my experience was more than just facts and figures about agriculture and FFA.  I learned true leadership in being gracious in defeat and working to support those who are have been selected.  I learned empathy for people who have and will fail in life.  I learned perspective.  I learned the value of hard work, and I am learning how to overcome challenges.  I can't say I've learned that yet, because here I am, wondering what's next and trying not to feel like life as I knew it is now over.  I know that someday soon I'll look back on this period of life and think about how hard it was, and be grateful for the opportunity I had to learn all of this.  I'm not at that point yet, but I'm getting there slowly and surely.

So do I wish I had never dreamed at all?  Definitely not.
Rachel

Up, Up, and Away

I am sitting in the Salt Lake City Airport, getting ready to board a plane that will take me to an all new experience.

I am: frightened, nervous, excited, humbled, thrilled, bewildered, and wondering, where has the time gone?  I seriously cannot fathom that it is convention time already.  The whole last year has been replaying in my mind, and I'm trying to capture every minute: the semi-finals of Job Interview, Christmas in Alaska, the Denver Stock Show, going to Boston, making a video for State Convention, going home, Brittney's death, my job at the Division, leaving the Division, arriving in Logan, going to Minnesota, and now here.

I'm not so great at being calm- but I am working on it.  I feel confident that I have done as much as I possibly could have to prepare for the selection process.

I'm so grateful for all the texts, phone calls, Facebook messages, and emails that have come to me in the last few days.  They mean so much to me and have left me with wet eyes on many occasions.  I'm turning into such a sap.

Thank you all for everything. I am leaning on the Lord and I know He will provide.  I will have accomplished my goal if I perform the best that I can, and I just hope that it's enough.

I'm not sure if I will be blogging this week, but if I don't- I'll see you on the other side!
All my love,
Rachel

The Day of My Judgement is Near!

Seriously guys.  Sunday starts a week of judgement.  Me, my life, and my every move will be noticed, jotted down, and given a score from 1-5.  Kind of intimidating.

But here's what I've learned from several long phone conversations with my awesome mother.
(1)  My Heavenly Father wants what's best for me.  I knew that, but Mom reminded me.  And going to the temple reminded me.  And I am trying to remind myself that this confidence, this awesome, elated, sure-I'm-going-to-do-well feeling is my Heavenly Father telling me that what I am doing is good and right.  It doesn't mean I'll be selected as a National Officer.  What it means is that either way, I win.  Which brings me to...

(2)  Whether or not I'm selected as a National Officer, I leave convention a winner.  If I am selected, the winning's pretty obvious. (It involves running on stage, smiling, and explosions of confetti and the like.)  But if I'm not selected, I win a year of uninterrupted, un-postponed, college education.  I win a year I can spend actually being a college student!  I win a spot on a professional improv troupe and the opportunity to perform several more times in the coming year.  I win the chance to be home when nine months from now, Micah comes back home.  I win a year of being able to go to church and partake of the sacrament and go to the temple.  And either way, I win what's best for me.

(3)  My Heavenly Father doesn't much care who is elected to National Office.  But He cares a lot about me!  And He cares about my happiness, and He will work out my life for the best.  I trust Him.

(4)  I'm going to have the time of my life next week, and a true "adventure in agriculture."  It may be the last time I ever wear my blue jacket, and I'm going to make it a good one.  I'm going to make friends I may keep for the rest of my life, and  I'm going to be thrilled when those friends are elected, whether or not I am elected as well.

(5)  Man do I have a support group behind me!  It makes my heart fill with love when I just think about my family and my friends and the kind messages and outpourings of love and encouragement.  That's awesome!

Oh by the way, I went to Spanish Fork today to do some workshops of Agricultural Communications for an ag teacher conference there.  It was such a blessing to have one more chance to do a workshop.  I feel that I facilitated pretty well (despite my scratchy voice half-way through) and that I was able to portray my personality and myself within a professional context.  But then again, I never got any scores from 1-5, so that's just my impression. :)

In order to get to Spanish Fork, I had to get up at 5 AM...who does that?  It's gross.  I'm tired.  After I got home I was too exhausted to prove a worthy opponent in the battle of wits called Mock Round Robin Conversations, so instead I went to the mall to get adequate business casual dress for the convention.

The plan for tomorrow includes:

1. A morning run/walk- to think. I do a lot of that these days.  (Sometimes I talk to myself, like yesterday...but only in the car.)
2. A conference with Rayne that will include my last mock Stand and Deliver
3. More mock Round Robin conversations
4. Some work on Facilitation and Team Work questions
5. The final preparations for my End of All Things notebook (or whatever I decided I was going to call it...)
6. A facial, a color gloss, and a manicure (yay!)
7. Deciding what business casual clothes to bring (with the help of my fashionista sisters)
8. Packing
9. Studying for the written test, specifically the education section.
10. Attending the improv show...it's kinda what I do on Friday at 10:30.  Won't  you join me?

And now- let's take a break from emotional trials and anxiety that go along with National Convention being so near.  Let's step away from the laundry list of to-dos.  And check out some recent pictures!

Looking good in official dress, my first day in Minnesota

(Most of) The Minnesota Crew, L to R: Mr. Sawatzke, Chelsea, Jessie, Jessica, Wyatt, Lavyne, Me, Lucas, Katie, and Luke

I need to shine up my boots.  I really need to shine up my boots.

Check out the blue paint...where did that even come from?

I would like new boots.  But I do not need them!

That's enough for tonight.  Tomorrow will be here soon enough.

Love to all,

Rachel

Cramming and an Extended, Overdue Thank You

I'm trying not to type, "I hate the written test."

Looks like I just did...oh well.  I cannot believe that I leave for National Convention on Saturday! Where has the time gone?  It's so strange to think that show time is now, when it always felt so far away.  And next Saturday, my life will change.

Either I will become a National Officer, or I won't.  Option one will make me even more busy, and thrilled.  Option two will give me a needed break, and I might be a little disappointed, but I'll be fine.

In the next few days, I am trying to cram as much knowledge into my noggin about agricultural issues, the American education system, agricultural education, and FFA.  I guess I'm the most scared about the written test because that's the one thing I haven't done a practice round of.  But I'll be fine.  I'm a good test-taker, but I just want to make sure that I knock those sixty stupid questions out of the park.

And one thing that is making that difficult- FFA chose this week to remodel the website, so it's not wanting to cooperate.  Ugh!  Oh well.  I've got about half an hour left to study before I'm indulging in improv and then in Canadian Thanksgiving with Calvin and Nat before my (much needed!) video conference with Rayne tonight.

But before I sign off here, I just want to make a public thank-you to everyone who reads this- and to everyone who doesn't, who have helped me SO much in this process.  You all mean the world to me and I wouldn't be where I am without you.

Mr. Evans, Dr. Miller, Dr. Lawver, Professor Stewardson, and Dr. Warnick- You guys have been like an adopted family of Utah FFA Helpers to me!  I am so grateful to all of you for taking me in and doing everything in your power to help me prepare.  I know I would be lost in scheduling this semester without you.  I also appreciate all the opportunities you've given me to practice public speaking and facilitation through ULC, ATA, and the ag teachers' conference.  And thank you for letting Jimmy and I hop around your classrooms doing our Hot Topic speeches.  I have been so blessed to find mentors and coaches in all of you here at USU and I will not easily forget the assistance you gave.  Thank you!

My other professors: Mrs. Johnson, Dr. Evans, Professor Wheeler, and Dr. Burton-  You are all so incredible for working with me this semester.  You could have easily refused to take a student into your class who might leave half-way through, but  you were so gracious and made my life so easy.  I wish there were more teachers like you!  Thank you for allowing me this opportunity to represent agriculture students nation-wide and allowing me to pursue a life-long dream.

Past National Officers and National Officer Candidates- Thank you so much for responding to my annoying questionnaires, walking me through the selection process, and answering my endless, specific questions.  You are all so talented, so knowledgeable and so helpful, and I look up to you.  Thanks for paving the way for student success- mine included.

Megan Peterson- Thank you for being my distinguished ULC partner last December.  I learned so much from that experience and from YOU.  You are such an example to me and a great credit to the Utah FFA Association.  You have been so helpful in my preparation, just by being there and answering my questions.  I cannot thank you enough for that.

The Palmer, Wasilla, and Anchorage Rotary Clubs, the Palmer LIONs Club, and the Palmer Farm Bureau- Thank you for giving me the opportunity to speak to you this summer.  I learned so much about speaking from those experiences, and even more about what really great people look and act like: you are those people.  You are examples to me and I think of you everyday.  I had a horrible thought a few months ago that I would hate not being selected because I would let all those who believed in me down, but I know you won't be disappointed in me.  Thank you for helping me prepare to the best of my ability this summer.

My family at the Division of Ag: Franci, Curt, Kirk, Doug, Lora, Connie, Erik, Ray, Candie, Barbara, Mia, and especially Patricia and Amy- Thank you for making last summer AMAZING.  Everyday I went to work I thought, "Is this really my job?  Am I really getting paid for this?"  I had some of the most fantastic experiences of my life as an intern with you, and I learned something from each of you.  You are some of the hardest working people I know, and I also know you are vastly under-appreciated.  I never properly thanked you for the going away party you threw me.  I was so touched by your gesture I almost cried!  I hope that I do become a National Officer, but if I don't, I hope you'll take me back to work with you all again.  Thank you for all that you did for me, and all that you do everyday for Alaskan agriculture.

My Minnesota FFA Family, including the high school ag teachers (especially Mr. Sawatzke), the Hutchinson and Dassel-Cokato FFA members, the Department of Agriculture employees, and the Alumni- Thank you for the incredible experience you provided in Minnesota at your training conference a few weeks ago.  It was SO worth it, and I'm so grateful for all your hard work in putting it together.  I owe you all, and I'm so grateful that you were willing to help me.  I feel so loved and I can't wait to (hopefully!) see most of you at National Convention very soon!

Collegiate FFA Members, Alpha Tau Alpha Members, Ag Comm Club Members, and USU Improv Members: Thank you all for your support.  Everyone has been so kind and supportive of me, I cannot thank you enough. Thanks for listening to speeches, attending workshops, and giving me feedback.  You are the best friends a girl could ask for.

My roommates- Thank you for putting up with me this semester.  I know I'm boring and all I do is study FFA and you probably don't really understand that.  Regardless, you have all been so supportive and listened to me blow off steam, and, although it would be awesome to be a National Officer- I would be so sad to have to leave you!  Thanks for being such great and supportive friends.

My State Officer Team: Taylor Berberich, Corinne Ogle, and Derek Monarch- During our year of service, you each taught me so much.  And now, it's been over a year since we retired (can you believe it?) and you still teach me just by being my friends.  I miss being with you all the time.  I miss our tot. :)  Thank you so much for supporting me this last year, whether with an encouraging word, email or a talk at the airport. I would not be here if it weren't for you.  Thanks a million!

Jimmy Lotspeich- It has been SO fun to have you here at Utah State University this semester, and so helpful to do practice speeches with you. I also really appreciate the times we can just talk about FFA, ag ed, the process, or anything else.  It's so nice to have someone who has been there and who understands, to talk to.  You could have easily kept to yourself, and not helped me at all- since we are competing.  But you have  been so generous in helping me prepare and answering all my questions. Thank you for that. In my dream world, I hope we're both selected.  I don't know if that will happen, but I will say this: if it can't be me, there is no one in the world I would want to become a National Officer more than you.  I hope you knock the socks off the Nominating Committee next week.  Good luck!

Elder Fry- Does not/cannot read this blog.  But he's helped me out a lot through his great letters.  I'll write to him my thanks in my next letter.

Mr. Berberich- Where would I be without you and Palmer FFA?  You were so helpful to me this summer in my preparation, but beyond that- you've made me the person I am today.  I learned so much from FFA and credit that organization- more than any other- for the personal growth I made in high school and beyond.  Thank you for allowing me to take your ag classes, for volunteering your time for FFA meetings and events, putting up with all our shenanigans, and even (and especially!) for leaving your game of golf to come explain to the police officers that we weren't trying to break into the ag building!  You were such a great advisor and I admire the way that you connect with people.  You made every convention, every activity, and every class, a treat, and I treasure those memories.  Thank you so much.

Jeff Werner- Your advice is priceless and often cracks me up.  Thank you for getting me information right when I needed it, talking to me about FFA issues, taking me to CTSO conferences, entertaining me, and just being there to talk to when life (and by life, I mean preparations) got crazy.  Thanks for everything you do for the Alaska FFA.  Without you, I never would have become a State Officer, and I would not be running for National Office or getting my American Degree.  And who am I kidding, without you, there wouldn't be an Alaska FFA.  Thank you for putting up with me all these years.  You have helped me to become the person I am today and I am eternally grateful.  You're awesome.

Granny and Grandpy Oberg- You two basically make up my "ag heritage" and I so enjoyed learning about that through our talks this summer.  You are two of the most amazing people I've ever had the privilege to meet.  Hard work? You personify it.  Kindness? It has no bounds with you.  You inspire me, you astound me, and you are a huge part of me.  I miss coming over to your house whenever I want whenever I think of home.  I love you so very much.  Thank you for being the kind of grandparents the whole neighborhood wants to claim. I am so proud to call you mine.

My siblings- I know I complain about being the youngest (way too much!) but I'm so grateful to have six older and wonderful examples.  You have all been so supportive of me.  I really value your texts, emails, phone calls, advice, and seeing you all in the summer.  When I decided to run I was so surprised with the help you all solicited in whatever way you could.  I'm so proud to call you my older brothers and sisters and when I have a family of my own, I hope it will be just like yours.You all mean the world to me and I love and miss you very much!

Mom- You are my hero.  You have always encouraged me to shoot for the stars and never once discouraged me.  You keep me going even when everything is really hard and I live for your phone calls, texts, comments, and (even better!) seeing you every morning in the summer.  I miss you so much!  I know I would have just exploded by now without your words of encouragement and advice.  You have really helped me realize the value of hard work through example.  I love you so much and I know you will be there for me after next Saturday...no matter what happens.

Dad-  Thanks for keeping me grounded.  You work so hard for our family and I can't tell you how much that means to me.  This summer gave me a tiny taste of what commuting is like- and I hate it!  I'm so grateful that you do it every day so that our family could live in Palmer and do 4-H and FFA...which means you are a big reason why I can run for National Office at all.  I love that whenever I talk to you on the phone you always ask me how classes are going and remind me of what is important in life.  I love you!

And finally, Rayne Reynolds-  I don't know, but if I had to make an estimate, I would say that you have put almost twice as much time and effort into my preparation as I have!  From day one, you were there for me, and I'm so grateful that you are a part of my life.  I know that I would not be at all prepared for this process if it wasn't for your mentoring, video conferences, assignments, field trips, and advice.  Sometimes I disagreed with your methods and got frustrated- and I'm really sorry for that.  There is no possible way I can use words to thank you for your help as much as I'd like to.  You've done so much for me, with no real incentive except your good heart.  You have made me a better person since you've been a part of my life.  I'm so excited for your new baby- because I know if you are at all the kind of dad that you have been a mentor to me, then your daughter will have the best daddy in the world!  No matter what happens next Saturday, I can hold my head up because I know that you and I, together, have done everything possible to prepare for my success, and I feel confident that I can serve next year in any capacity.  I really hope you won't be buying me a pizza, but if you do, at least we can eat it together. :)  Thank you for everything.

Phew.  I'm a little late for improv now, but that was needed and worth it.  That was also kind of emotional draining- I just realized I really miss my family!  Can't wait for next week though.  Have a great Monday!
Rachel

Haven't you heard, things are getting done.

Working on getting things done.  Haircut and color = check.  Getting more ready for the written test = check.

Alpha Tau Alpha Workshop (as of tonight) = check.  I was really worried about it, but with some help fro my awesome mom I was able to formulate some good activities and an outline that I was proud of.  Then...all my activities fell apart.  Or the best one.  But hey!  The way I would normally react- by crying or freaking out or something- was not the way I did react.  The way I reacted was by being flexible and adaptable andadjusting my workshop to the new circumstances.  I feel comfortable about how the workshop went.  Definitely room for improvement, but...it was good to get the experience.

I don't know what else to write.  At this point, what will happen, will happen.  I'm excited/nervous/anxious/thrilled to know what will happen.

The weekend is tomorrow- woohoo!
Rachel

In a word, what I'm feeling now:

TIRED.

My goodness I'm so tired!I have so much to do in the next 12 days, it's ridiculous.  The list is scaring me:

• 2 workshops
• More practice interviews (a few questions a night)
• Finishing my thank you cards from the Minnesota training
• Refining my story arsenal
• More Hot Topic practice speeches with Jimmy
• Brushing up on ag issues
• Making talking point sheets for Round Robin interviews
• Meeting with Mrs. Parry again
• Getting my hair cut and colored
• ...and cramming in as much knowledge as possible in my head for the written test!

I haven't been this busy since my senior year in high school when I was a state officer.  I just feel like I have no time to breathe, and had to take a few minutes today to call some people and assure them that I don't hate them, I'm just ridiculously busy.  This is definitely a big push to the finish, but in three weeks it will all be over either way.  Either I'll continue to be this busy and on the run in my next big adventure for the next year, or...I'll have a few months to breath.

I don't know if I made the right decisions in my scheduling this semester.  I feel like the things that bring me stress relief- piano and improv- also make my life more stressful.  I don't know.  Last week I practiced piano for an hour and a half because it felt so good and so mind-numbing.  But today, I could only practice for twenty minutes because I just felt anxious.  I'm still working on that calmness thing.  It's also hard to know how much time I should spend working with the improv troupe, because I don't want it to take away from my National Office study, but I also don't want to abandon it and have to make up if I end up staying here.

If I do end up staying here...it will be a bit of a relief.  I want to be a National Officer, I really do.   I need a little time to breathe, to do laundry, to go grocery shopping, and heck, to just be a college student!  I want to stay up late and say "yes!" when my friends invite me to watch Sherlock Holmes and just be myself with a little less stress.  But I want to work hard now, so that even if I do come home, I'll feel like I've done everything I could have.

My goal for this month is to be more friendly and outgoing, so that I can portray that to the nominating committee.  So that means less time with the iPod in my ears and more time talking to anyone I recognize.  And in the past week, I've re-met two people I didn't even know were here at Utah State!

How am I going to get through the next 12 days?  I...don't know.  I have a lot to do!  But I love this quote I found on my friend Laura's facebook status:

"You cannot plow a field by turning it over in your mind."

So off to work I go.  Actually- off to bed I go.  And in the morning...off to work.  Wish me luck!

-Rachel 

Shleepy

Hey all,
Just had a video conference with Rayne.  I brought my laptop to the Fine Arts Center to use the internet here and now I am tired! But I am making much progress and I am excited for National Convention!  I have a lot to do, but I'm really motivated to get it all done.  Also- I'm trying out for a solo in choir tomorrow.  Maybe I'll get it.  If not, it's still a good story, right?  That's the way I look at everything now, "Can I use this in a workshop/speech/interview?"  Ridiculous I know.
I need sleep.  Have a great night, everyone!
Rachel

Training Weekend Day Dos

Hello again,
I'm on to reporting day two, before I forgot all that I learned!

Saturday began around eight and had one purpose: go through the entire selection process (minus the written multiple choice test) in one day.  And let me be the first to tell you- it was pretty grueling!  But now that I've done it all in one day, doing it in a week feels like a cinch!

So we started with the One-on-One Interviews: nine separate interviews, one after the other, five questions and ten minutes a piece.  An hour and a half of straight interviewing is pretty intense, guys! I think it did pretty well.  It's obvious doing just a brief look over my feedback that I need to work on the competencies of "teamwork," "team before self," and "adaptability and flexibility," as well as I'm sure, others.  And I just need to work on being myself, smiling, joking, and not burning out after 6 or 7 interviews.  Jessie (Geib) Vanderpoel, a former National Officer, told me to smile again and again.  She said that I looked like a National Officer when I smiled, which was awesome.  She also said she didn't believe that I did comedy improv...bummer!  I need to make sure that I am not too nervous and let my personality come out. I also need to work on compiling a good story arsenal and practicing my stories- a lot.

Next up-SAE writing.  I haven't gotten my results from this yet, so I'm really not sure how I did.  I felt good about what I did, but I'm not sure at all what the format was supposed to be.  But it was good to have an idea of what it would be like at Nationals.  I don't think SAE writing is worth many points anyhow.

I was pretty nervous for Stand and Deliver, but I feel that I did well!  The topic was program affiliation, given to Minnesota ag teachers, and I was psyched about that, since I'd just given a program affiliation speech to Jimmy and felt that I had done really well on it.  Thank goodness one of my strengths is command- I got the comment that I was a good speaker.  Awesome, I don't have to work so hard on that then!  But I still do need to work on smiling so that I don't look like an Ice Queen.  I need to be approachable and most of all, myself.  I also discovered that it's alright to end my speech early- at 4:30 or 4:40, rather than stretching it, which is great news, because that's where I usually end!  So I learned a lot but felt good about Stand and Deliver.

We had a quick break for lunch and then delved into the next section.  I started with the Writing Exercise.  I don't have my scores for this either, so I really don't know how I did.  I felt I wrote well, but I wasn't sure of the format and I also ended pretty early...so I don't know if I demonstrated my knowledge very well.  The prompt was also kind of a mixture of two hot topics, which threw me off.  So I'll have to wait and see my comments on that.

I had a short break to ponder how unprepared I felt for the next round, and then I entered a room to start my prep for faciliation.  This was one of my weakest rounds, but I'm glad I've had practice so that I am more comfortable now in what I need to spend my preparation hour on (hem hem, making better flip charts!)  The topic for the workshop was mentoring for chapter officers.  I started with a stupid puzzle piece activity.  It actually wasn't a bad activity, it made a good point, but it took me FOREVER to put the puzzle outline together, and then we couldn't find one of the pieces, which was frustrating and took up a lot of time.  The one thing I was really pleased with was my support activity, everyone seemed to really enjoy it.  My point needed work.  I was so concerned about finishing my workshop on time that I started telling students what I wanted them to know instead of asking questions, and I know I'm not supposed to do that!  Then I began introducing my application, "Mentor Man," which would have been awesome, and....they called time.  I could not believe it, I felt like I had to scrape my jaw off the floor.  I was really disappointed, but after the feedback I felt a little better.  Jessie said to have way more material than you need, and not to allow your content to get in the way of your interaction with the students, which is what they want to see!  So now I know how to change, and I have next week to test it out on Alpha Tau Alpha!

After facilitation came Round Robin Conversations.  Oh, how I hate you, Round Robin Conversations! They're so unreal, I don't like role-playing because it makes me feel fake, and oh yeah!  I don't know as much about agricultural issues as I would like to!  There are three conversations: Ag Issues, Ag Ed/American Ed Issues, and FFA Issues.  I did them in that order.  My Ag Issues conversation was decent, like a 4 or 5 out of 10.  I wasn't really happy with it, but I felt now that I had some experience with it I would do better.  My Ag Ed conversation on the other hand....a 0.  Or maybe a 1.  Guess who's doing some research on the Perkin's Technical Skills Attainment test today?  But my FFA Issues Conversation- dang!  Somehow that was a 9!  I spent my ten minute break in the hallway jumping up and down to try to stop being so nervous, and I think maybe it worked.  I felt awesome about that one.

Finally, we ended the day with the Personal Round.  This round is like the one-on-one round, but it's more...personal. They ask you the crazy, tear your heart strings type questions, such as, "Why are you running for office?" "Tell me about a time when someone questioned your character?" and "What are three of your life's goals?"  Also, it's you and all nine nominating committee members.  I can't really say anything about this round- I felt that it went fantastically well.  If I could do every round at Nationals like I did that last one, I feel like they'd have to elect me!

After the personal round we said goodbye and headed back to the Twin Cities for the night, to fly out the next morning.  I was so glad that I decided to go this camp- it really, really helped!  I feel 100 times more ready now than I was before, and I know precisely what I need to work on:

1. Being more personable in interviews- joking, laughing, smiling, being someone who is approachable.
2. Smiling during my speeches!
3. Ending strong on my speeches!
4. Knowing more (including statistics) about Agricultural Issues!
5. Directing the conversation during Round Robins
6. Focusing on students (rather than content) during facilitation and not worrying about the time.
7. Knowing more about agricultural education and American education.
8. Doing a better job of telling my stories in my one-on-one interviews.
9. Stressing teamwork and adaptability in my one-on-one interviews.
10. Being excited to tell the Nominating Committee about myself.

I'm so grateful to the volunteers who made this training weekend a success!  I'm also psyched, because Mr. Sawatzke said that his 40+ kids would be our cheering section if any of us were elected.  I told him that would more than double my cheering section. :)

I'm also really grateful that for the past week or so...I've felt so calm!  I feel like I could conquer the world, no anxiety for me!  I'm still nervous, I'll always be, but I know that I can do this.  Whether or not they elect me, I'm completely capable of being a National Officer.  Come what may, I'm ready.
Rachel

What a Weekend...

Hey all!
I am back from Minnesota!  I had a fabulous idea to blog every evening about what I had done that day, so as not to forget it...but then I realized I was exhausted every evening, and even went to bed at 9 last night...though I woke up when my roommates came home half an hour later. :)

But now that I am back, I will record all that I can remember, starting with Friday.

My Friday started at around 7, when Wyatt DeJong from South Dakota picked me up and we made our way to the Minnesota Department of Agriculture.  We were met there by Katie Zenk from Minnesota, Eric Sawatzke, the Dassel-Cokato Minnesota agriculture teacher who organized the event, and two of Mr. Sawatzke's freshman students: Joel and Evan.  Then after getting our visitor passes (very fancy!) we went upstairs to a conference room with Agriculture in the Classroom coordinator Al Withers.

We first heard from Mr. Withers about the importance of agricultural literacy in society at any age.  After Mr. Withers brief remarks, we embarked on a day of presentations about agricultural issues.  Mr. Withers expected a lot of us and encouraged us to ask the presenters questions so that we could get what we needed out of each presentation, and I really appreciated that.  It forced me to be more confident!

The first meeting was about Livestock Development and Animal Agriculture Issues.  I learned quite a bit about how animal agriculture is dealing with issues raised by People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) and the Humane Society of the United States (HSUS).  Just learning more about these issues increases my desire to become an effective communicator for the agricultural industry!  I understand more now that agriculture- commercial, organic, small farmers and industrial farmers, farmers who support ethanol and those who don't- need to ban together to promote agriculture as a whole.  And the one great thing I learned is- I need to learn more about these types of issues so I can more effectively discuss them!

The second meeting was with the director of Dairy and Food Inspection Division and we discussed Keeping Food Safe.  We discussed how different types of salmonella infects food, and how food safety needs to come from legislation and self-policing.  I also learned about the "raw milk movement," something I didn't really know existed, and how agricultural communicators need to target the "raw milk curious" in telling the story of the scientific facts surrounding the safety (or lack there of) of raw milk.  I never even realized raw milk was so dangerous, as I grew up drinking it, and that reminds me, I need to ask my mom if she was trying to kill us all with E.coli.  :)

After a quick break, we heard from the a member of the Minnesota Department of Agriculture staff about Social Media in Today's Agriculture.  Being a communications junkie...I'd have to say this was my favorite presentation of the day!  I learned so much about how the agricultural industry is using (or isn't using!) social media to target specific audiences and to tell their story.  I loved the example used about the support Yellow Tail Wine gave to HSUS and the Facebook backlash that was the result.  It gave me more hope about the difference we can make in policy and in public perception through communication.

After that we talked about Environmental Policy and Water Quality.  This presentation was pretty interesting because of the amount of rain Minnesota had been getting in the last few days.  At one point the presenter flipped a glass vial of clear water over so that we could see how contaminated it was, and I was shocked!  I think more than anything it was good to be exposed to a different kind of agriculture and the other careers available in the environmental sciences.

Minnesota Assistant Commissioner of Agriculture ended the day with a few words of advice.  I loved hearing her story about how FFA gave her a career pathway in agriculture even though she was never a "farm kid."  I also loved one of the things she told us:

"Be readers and be leaders.  You never know who's watching."

After leaving the Department of Agriculture, we made a brief stop at the FFA Leadership Center and the Miracle of Birth Center at the Minnesota State Fairgrounds.  I could only imagine what that big building looks like full of pregnant animals- but I'm sure it would be an impressive thing to see in reality sometime!

Then we headed to the University of Minnesota to eat pizza and meet with Dr. Leising about the pros and cons of program affiliation.  This was another one or my favorite parts of the day, because I felt very comfortable and confident with my knowledge of program affiliation, but also got a much better handle on why some advisors are wary of the new program.

After a stop to change out of our official dress, Jessica (who met up with us at the Department of Ag around 11) and I hopped into Wyatt's car to drive to Hutchinson High School, about an hour or so away.  We had the opportunity to talk a lot about how we had been preparing for National Office, what we enjoyed most about National Office, and what kind of FFA programs we'd been involved with in the past.  We also had the opportunity to pick Wyatt's brain about what the process at National Convention is really like- since he ran last year.  And we talked about some fun stuff- like what kind of beverages we prefer with popcorn. :)

When we arrived at Hutchinson we had an open forum discussion with local and current high school ag teachers to discuss the different hot topics for essays and stand and delivers.  I learned a lot I didn't know- like that the National FFA no longer offers that H.O. Sargent award!  I also learned a little bit about the Perkin's Technical Skills Attainment exam- enough to know that I needed to know more about that.  That became even more obvious the next day...but that story is for my next blog posting.  

After the forum discussion we had a dinner with the Minnesota FFA Alumni.  It was a great casual opportunity to meet with many different people, including FFA members, legislators, and farm bureau personnel.  I realize I need to be more proactive about getting people to talk about themselves, but I got a lot of really good advice and learned a lot from the people I met.  We stayed and visited for quite a while!

One thing I reflected on Friday night was that no matter what happens, I can make a difference and use my leadership skills in the next year, and I'm prepared to do so.  I also liked some advice from a former National Officer Candidate about the process:

"Sell yourself.  You need to act like, 'I don't need to be a National Officer, but the National FFA Organziation needs me on their National Officer team!"

I felt really good about everything that night, and still (inexplicably!) confident.  I know I need to work on my knowledge of agricultural issues, but I feel validated in that I have a good knowledge of program affiliation and the other hot topics.  

There goes Day 1.  Day 2 gets its own blog post next, so stay tuned. Also- I'm so fired up about convention! It's coming so fast, but I say bring it on! Come that week, I'll be as ready as I could hope to be.  But until then, my every spare minute is going to prep!  I only have four more hours until I've reached 400 hours.  I probably won't make it to 500, but my goal range was 300-500, so I still feel good about where I'll be.

Have a great Monday!   I get a double dose of improv tonight, so I know I will.
Rachel

I believe in being happy myself...

Yesterday was a very long day:

9:30- Creative Arts Class
10:20- Piano Practice
11:30- Piano Lesson
12:00- When I was supposed to have lunch, except I forgot to pack it...
12:30- Choir
1:30- Walked back to my car and then driving around lost in Logan
2:00- Arrived at the temple to do baptisms.  Felt some much needed peace.
3:00- Go back to the condo. Eat lunch, fold some laundry, temporarily avoid responsibility.
4:00- Search every shoe store in Logan for official dress shoes!
5:30- Arrive on campus triumphant, with two potential shoe candidates and four pairs of black nylons.  Study for thirty minutes.
6:00- Visit Scott in his new apartment, eat dinner, watch Glee!
7:00- Improv Practice
9:00- Antics Troupe Auditions.  Had to pay scrupulous attention, because people's "happiness depends on me."
12:15- Cast votes for who the two new troupe members should be.
12:30- Argued about vote results.
12:35- Went back to Scott's apartment to pick up the keys that I left there 6+ hours before.
12:45- Returned to my car and began driving back to the condo for the night.
12:47- Got pulled over by a cop because my headlight is out and I forgot to turn on my brights.  Asked for mercy because it was (techincally!) my birthday.
1:00- Back on the road.  Feeling melancholy.
1:10- Returned to the condo.  Ate a Fudgsicle because I felt crappy.
1:20- Collapse into bed to have bad dreams about dying elephants and their elephant offspring.

Today was just as stressful, if not more, and included taking my car to the shop and riding the bus onto campus, passing out improv fliers, and carrying my Minnesota luggage with me everywhere...resulting in looking like an idiot.

On my way to the airport I had some time to just sit and think, which was nice.  I also had some time to read more in my new book, Blue Jackets Gold Standards, the FFA 75th Anniversary Book, which I am really enjoying so far.  And I got to a section about the Creed, so I started going over it.

*Embarrassing Confession*
I don't really know the Creed by heart...at least, not anymore. I used to, at one time, but now the third and fourth paragraph just jumble all together in my head for some reason.

So because of this embarrassing confession, I thought I might go over the Creed in my head again and try to get it to stick.  What if someone this weekend asks me to recite it...or worse, someone at Convention!?

I stopped when I got to the last line in the third paragraph, which reads:

"[I believe] in being happy myself and playing square with those whose happiness depends upon me."

And then I thought about my melancholy last night.  What it was about anyway, I'm not exactly sure...I just felt kind of blah.  Like my life has been going by too fast and it's been to stressful, I don't know.  And then I had this stupid thought (or half a thought): "But when/if I become a National Officer-" and I was going to think, "I'll be happier," but I stopped myself and finished the sentence with "nothing will change."

What a stupid thing to think, even though I know that happiness is the key to success, and not the other way around.  Besides, life as a National Officer...would be hard!  I'd be just as stressed if not more, and I know if I don't learn to be happy now, it's not magically going to come then.

Just like when I was a state officer.  Don't get me wrong, I wanted to be a state officer more than anything in the world but that didn't mean my senior year was fun all the time.  In fact, I was unhappy a lot, even though I was very blessed and fortunate and successful.

I never thought of it as something I stood for, being happy.  Whenever I've studied the Creed before I always focused on the second paragraph and told my story of being chased by the goose.  I never even really, fully comprehended that if I really live by the FFA Creed, that means that I believe in being happy.

So that's another thing I'm working on.  And this weekend is bound to bring some happiness, because (1) it's my birthday, and (2) I'm in Minnesota attending a National Officer Candidate Training Weekend!  It already reminds me of my good old State Officer summer... I'm so thankful to have the opportunity to be here this weekend and I know I'll learn a lot.

Two other things on my mind tonight.

1) FFA has had a huge jump in membership, have you heard?  The official tally for this year is 523,309 members, which I find incredibly exciting.

2) I feel very confident today.  I don't know why that is exactly.  I feel like this is what I am supposed to be doing and I just feel...confident in my abilities.  Which is a very calm feeling.  Awesome.

Well I have an early morning tomorrow.  I'll keep you posted! (get it?)

Rachel

Just to Catch You Up...

Man, what a whirlwind the past few weeks have been.  My mom was in town this weekend, and yesterday when I asked what the date was, she said:

"September 19.  Wow, that means you only have a month left until you run!"

Less than a month actually- yikes!  I have so much to do!  I've been researching hot topics like crazy.  I met with the beauty pageant coach, Cindy Parry, who was so helpful and kind, and I'll meet with her a few more times as well.  I've done some more work with Rayne on interview questions, and now I just need to compile all my good stories on one page.  I'm working with Jimmy on doing Hot Topic speeches!  And the Alpha Tau Alpha has asked me to give them a workshop on Civic Engagement on October 7th.

But this week I get the ultimate "where am I?" check-up, in the form of a National Officer Candidate Training Weekend!  I leave for Minnesota Thursday night, and I'll get to meet four other candidates.  Friday we'll be at the Minnesota Division of Agriculture, and Saturday we go through the whole process- or at least, most of the process.  I fully expect to come back overwhelmed and insecure, but at least I'll have a lot of really good feedback.

I'm in overdrive- I'm trying to focus on spending all my extra time studying, since I don't have a lot of time left.  I've logged 350 hours now, even though I didn't get many hours in last week due to a death in the family, which can't be helped.  But the fact is, what I need to remember, is that I've done most of the important work already.  Now I can only immerse myself in facts and hope they stick, but ultimately I'm ready.  I feel that I am the best I can be and I've worked as hard as I could- so if they like me, and if it's right, I'll be selected.

Mom gave me some great advice when I dropped her off at the airport yesterday that I want to remember.  She said:

Don't get too stressed out over this.  It doesn't really matter whether you are selected or not. If they don't choose you, that doesn't make you any less of a great person, and if they do choose you, it doesn't mean you're any better.  You're just you, no matter what happens.  

Hot Topics are calling my name- peace out!

Rachel

My Quest for Calm, Part One

Hey,
I feel so much better today. Don't ask me why, I got very few hours in over the weekend.  Maybe that's why.  I always used to think it was ridiculous when people were over their heads in high school and dealt with it by taking a "day off,"  but I guess that's what I did this whole last weekend.  I went to an improv show.  I went to a Girl's Night sleepover.  I went to a barbecue.  I drove 1.5 to Brigham City and back for no reason at all (although that was just because I had bad directions. :) )

Now I'm really getting into researching Hot Topics.  Some are easier than others, but it really hasn't been quite as hard as I thought it would be overall.  I'm excited and nervous to try some mock speeches, but there's no better time than the present.  I can't wait for my training camp later this month, I'm sure my brain will explode with knowledge and feedback.

Well, I think I'll call Rayne again and try to get ahold of the beauty coach once more.  I'm making a comprehensive list of all the things I need to do to upgrade my appearance.  I don't want to look like a Barbie or anything, just like, Rachel Kenley 2.0- business professional version. That's why I've begun using Mavala STOP, once again.  Aw, my old friend that tastes to disgusting...I've missed you.
-Rachel

"I just need to blog, blog it out!"

Pheeeeeeewwww.

My counter is annoying me.  I try not to look at it. I hate it.

Something awful is happening to me.  Whenever I think about National Office, which is basically all the time, and especially when I'm studying (which should be all the time...I'm working on that) my stomach gets all knotted up and I feel sick.  A few minutes ago I had to skip one of my favorite songs, "The Contradiction," on my iPod, because it was making me anxious.  The worst part is, my iPod is only playing songs from my "classical genre."
Here it goes again.  Apparently I can't listen to Piano Concerto No. 1 in B Flat Minor either...

Any hints or tips for overcoming the worst case of nerves you've ever had?  Pre-nerves, because I'm not even at convention yet?

I don't understand.  I planned to feel 12,000 percent prepared by this point.  And now (almost) 350 hours later, I feel so panicky.  So I just had to stop for a minute and blog.  Yes, this is taking away from actual time that I could be immersing my poor swollen brain in more facts, so it seems contradictory.  But I can't focus.

So I need to just take a minute and remember why I'm doing this.  Because is it to be a National Officer?  Is that my goal, my end all, be all, or my entire life?  Because it shouldn't be.  My goal is to be me.  To be the very best version of me that I can possibly be, and that me is a helpful, kind, compassionate, friendly me.  I want to make a difference in people's lives.  FFA member's lives, yes, but beyond that- people's lives.  And if I don't become a National Officer, I'm still going to accomplish that goal.  So there's no pressure, really, because my goal is one hundred percent achievable and I have the rest of my life to attain it.

I'm not ready for National Convention right now, this very second.  But lucky for me, convention is still a little ways away,  So talk to me 150 hours from now.  And then I'll be as ready as I ever hoped to be.  Of course, there will always be something more I could have done, but I'm not sure how much difference it would have made anyway.  I have a little ways to go, but I've come a long ways since last November.

Here's a poem I found on Bethany Bohnenblust's National Officer blog today.

Fresh Start

Here marks a fresh start

a new freedom for my heart

My chance at being me,

doing what I want, totally free.

And it won't be a big deal.

It's nothing like I thought,

I survived the battles I fought.

My thoughts are all gone,

like the night at down.

My soul is free of sorrow,

I'll do what I want tomorrow.

I can't be held or bound.

I will spread my wings and leave this ground.

Distraction has no control.

My life will no longer be dull.

I will have the power.

I'll pass the highest tower.

Don't try to stop me now,

'Cause you won't know how.

For I will be totally free.

And I'll be one hundred percent me!

by xO

And here's a quote she posted as well:

"I have always been delighted at a prospect of a new day, a fresh try, one more start with perhaps a big of magic waiting somewhere behind the morning." ~Joseph Priestly

My goal for September (I just decided, two minutes ago) is to be calm.  Reflecting on what I've written here can help me to do that.  I love that I have tomorrow to improve: to focus more, to be more productive, to be more outgoing, to be more calm, and to be a better me.  I'm so grateful for my savior's atonement that allows me endless and constant "do-overs" in my life.  Tomorrow I will not feel this way.  Tomorrow will be better.

While I'm talking about myself and how I be myself, I guess I'll post this poem as well.  It was originally sent to one of my co-workers, the wonderful Patricia, and it describes her perfectly.  I read it and loved it and stole it.  I hope it describes me as well.  I've always felt that hard work is a solution for everything.

To be of Use
The people I love the best
jump into work head first
without dallying in the shallows
and swim off with sure strokes almost out of sight.
They seem to become natives of that element,
the black sleek heads of seals
bouncing like half submerged balls.

I love people who harness themselves, an ox to a heavy cart,
who pull like water buffalo, with massive patience,
who strain in the mud and the muck to move things forward,
who do what has to be done, again and again.

I want to be with people who submerge
in the task, who go into the fields to harvest
and work in a row and pass the bags along,
who stand in the line and haul in their places,
who are not parlor generals and field deserters
but move in a common rhythm
when the food must come in or the fire be put out.

The work of the world is common as mud.
Botched, it smears the hands, crumbles to dust.
But the thing worth doing well done
has a shape that satisfies, clean and evident.
Greek amphoras for wine or oil,
Hopi vases that held corn, are put in museums
but you know they were made to be used.
The pitcher cries for water to carry
and a person for work that is real.

by Marge Piercy

So my plan for the rest of today: read The Leadership Challenge and skim through The Arsenal again.  Have a little fun today.  Tomorrow I'm spending as much time as I can handle here at the library, delving head-first into Hot Topics 101!  I'd like to study all day Monday as well, I think most of my roommates are going home...but I don't have internet at the condo yet, and nothing on campus will be open.  Anyone know of a good internet cafe?

One of the most gorgeous views on Earth, at the Pettit farm.  Mmm, I feel calmer already...

Have a great long weekend.  I'll be studying.

Love, Rachel

Welcome Back to Logan!

Hey everyone,
I'm back in Utah, and oh boy has it been a transition.  Studying for National Office has been temporarily replaced this week in favor of fixing my car and the condo I'm living in. But things are looking FANTASTIC.  I met up with Jimmy Lotspeich from Nevada yesterday.  He's running for the second time this year, and was so helpful in telling me what to expect at the convention.  And he suggested we study together, which I think is a fabulous idea.  We're planning to do workshops and interviews and I'm really, really excited about it!  Our Collegiate FFA Advisor Dr. Lawver has been incredibly helpful as well.  I'm so blessed.

I need to get my head on straight, do some homework for the classes I have and tie up the loose ends so that I  can finally transport myself.  But I promise, studying will take the spotlight very soon.

Have a great Wednesday.  I know I will...because I get to go to improv tonight!
Rachel

Back from the dead...

Why hello, blog-I-have-not-updated-in-almost-a-month.

My goodness how time flies.  I have been so busy with my new (and increasingly awesome!) internship at the Division of Agriculture.  I have been on the road and learning new skills along the way.  Like how to drive (I haven't had an anxiety attack over it since my first drive to Anchorage this summer!).  And how to check into hotel rooms.  And how to not make a huge mess when I stay in hotel rooms.  And how to deal with children, and tourists, and people from different cultures.  And I am having a great time, too!

But my job is almost over, just one more week of work and I'll be off to school again.  Then I'll finally have time to get down to business and study to the end.  Not that I haven't been studying all along- but now it's time to tie up the loose ends.  Make sure I'm all ready for the written test.  Prepare like crazy for the hot topics.  Maybe do some more facilitation.  Buy new Official Dress.  Get good make-up.  Go to the practice camp- do more interview questions, evaluate, work on them again.  I'm so nervous, but I'm really excited too.  I know I have a chance at this, I've worked really hard, and I hate to admit this out loud, in case it doesn't happen for me...but I really, really want this.

I haven't been slacking too bad though!  In my absense I:

• Finished and sent my application (which included a near-perfect letter of application- hurray!)
• Spoke and answered interview questions at the Farm Bureau meeting
• Helped coordinate and run kid's activities at Ag Appreciation Day
• Continued to read my newest book, Monday Morning Choices
• Got my American Degree! (which doesn't mean I did anything, technically... I filled out the application months ago.  But I checked the website and I am all set to receive it!)
• Spent a day on the Mat-Su Farm Tour
• Interviewed Alex Davis of AD Farms, (which is on Lazy Mountain, which is one of the most beautiful places I've ever been in my entire life.  Seriously took my breath away.) And,
• Continued to work on my goal for August, which is to "Cease Non-Excellence."  (Meaning, to stop doing things that are not totally excellent.  Like spending more than ten minutes doing nothing on Facebook.  Or watching more than the appropriate amount of Food Network shows at once.  Or sleeping without sheets on my bed.  I haven't done very well at this goal...but I'm working on it.)

Speaking of goals, only 2 more until I'm (hopefully) a National Officer! Ah!  I'm getting overwhelmed thinking about it.  I think I'll go up to my hotel room (I'm in Kenai now) and get settled in for the night.

Have a fantastic weekend.  I'll probably write again once I'm settled in Logan again!
Rachel

Inch By Inch

Hey everyone,
Last night was a late night, but not because I was working on my resume.  At least not consciously.  I got into bed at 11, but I didn't fall asleep until after 12:30, and I didn't sleep well after that.  I felt so nervous about the selection process!

Which is probably is a good indicator that I will be a nervous wreck come National Convention.  I don't like looking at the counter I put on this blog anymore.  I liked it when National Convention was 2 or 3 hundred days away- I felt like I had all the time in the world.  But now- 70 days!  How am I going to pull this off?  Can I really pull this off?

On one hand, I really have made a huge amount of progress since November.  I'm a totally different person now.  I am confident that I can present myself well to the nominating committee.

On the other hand...I have sooo much left to do!  I have to tackle those Hot Topics, I've got to do some serious research, I've got to read the dozens of books on my bookshelf, I've got to write more speeches, I've got to do some facilitation practice, I've got to study more for the written exam, I've got to meet with a make-up and beauty coach, I've got to get brand spanking new Official Dress...I'm swamped.  Everyday I study and I feel like I'm digging a hole- everytime I get a shovelfull of dirt out, more dirt falls in on top of me.  Ah!

I take solace in knowing this is how it's supposed to feel. (like being buried alive, I guess.)  I knew it would be this way when I started this craziness. And if I didn't feel overwhelmed, I wouldn't be working hard enough!

For tonight, let's be positive and look at what I have done.  First off= 300 hours!  I'm really proud of that and I'm glad I've been tracking my hours, so that I can celebrate these small milestones.  Now- how to celebrate it?  Would anyone who has yet to see Inception like to go with me?


Also, I really am almost finished with my application.  Which is fantastic, as I found out it actually isn't due until Tuesday (as opposed to Saturday, like I thought).  That doesn't mean I'm going to slack off, it just gives me some extra hours to perfect.  I'm close to perfection on my letter of application and my resume just needs some easy editing.  Phew! 


Plus, let's not forget my American Degree!  And all the public speaking I've done this summer!  And all the farmers I've interviewed (like Arthur Keyes today).  And the fact that everyone is so encouraging!


Enough pumping myself up- Version 9 is begging to be edited and I must comply.  I gave a speech at the LIONs club today.  I'll fill you in on how it went later.
Rachel

Gonna Be a Late Night

Hello blogger friends,
Today, again, I've been working on my letter of application.  I wanted to work on my resume too, but I never got that far.  Where did all the time go?

Well first off, I wrote a new copy, which took an hour, and then I got really nervous.  Anxious.  Uncomfortable.  I don't know what it was, it was just straight up no fun.  Also I was hungry, so I helped make dinner by shelling peas and listening to history podcasts to try to calm myself down.

Things I need to remind myself:
I am a good writer.  I have been working on this letter of application since November.  It will all turn out okay.  I will remember the speech I'm giving tomorrow because I gave the same one six days ago.  I'm cool, confident, collected- at least on the outside.

Version 8, you're toast.  Version 9, here we go.  At least for an hour and fifteen minutes, because I do have to get up for work in the morning.  And I think Version 10 is the one.  It's gotta be, right?  I mean, what more perfect number than 10?

Best of luck to you in your endeavors, I sure need it in mine,
Love, Rachel

The secret to marathons...

...is to schedule your time like a total Nazi.  It's something I learned from "Brand You 50" (but maybe it's the only thing I've learned...my patience is wearing thin with that book).  Seriously, I've been forcing myself to work on a system since  I woke up- that I could only 'earn' break time from 'work.'  So for every half hour I work I earn 10 minutes of break, which I can use immediately or save up (to take a one hour and fifteen minute lunch break, say).

I've been working all day on creating the best letter of application in the world.  It's not there yet, but I may now have a good working copy of an idea that I want to edit and perfect.  It's been a long time (like, since November) coming.  And it feels good to make some really solid progress.  Now, just finalizing my resume and bugging my references, and my application is done!  I'm proud of the progress I've made so far, but hopefully I can do a few more hours still.  Then I'm off to see an improv show as a reward, I think. If I can get anyone to go with me. :)

Man, today is a good day.  I'm getting butterflies thinking about convention, because all of the sudden it seems very, very close.  But come October, I will be ready, 100%.  Bring it on!

Rachel

The Wonder of People

I was hoping that I would have a video of the speech I gave to the rotary today to put in this post. After all, I thought, this will be the third time I give it and it should be the best.

Well, I wouldn't say it was the best.  And I forgot the camera.  Not at home, but at work.  Bummer, because I would really have liked to review it to see if I was talking as fast as I thought I was, among other things.

But that's all I'm going to say about the speech- it went well but it certainly could have gone better.  I don't blame myself for that- given all that was going on yesterday I didn't have much time to go over it and I hadn't given it in over a month.

Somehow though, I learned so much from going to that Rotary meeting, and even though life has been rough lately, I walked out feeling like I had the world on a string.  So here's what happened:

I went into the building just before the meeting started, and as usual went through the awkward before-people-get-their-meal part of the meeting when everyone is connecting with old friends and I am obviously an outsider.  That didn't last long however, as soon as I got my food and sat down, John Klapperich came up to me.

I don't know if this man has ever met me.  He acted like we'd been friends for years, but that could be just his personality.  Anyway, he comes over and introduces himself and says things like, "Rachel!  Superstar Rachel! Can I please sit next to you?"  So I promised him I'd save him a seat, and he went to get his food.  When he came back he talked to me about myself.  But it didn't end there.  One by one, Mr. Klapperich connected with every person at the table.  It was like watching a video of the leadership books I've been reading- Mr. Klapperich totally follows the thirty-second rule (Maxwell writes whenever you meet someone you should say something nice about them within the first 30 seconds of your conversation).  Literally, the dialog went like this:

 "Rachel, I am so excited you're here, I've been looking forward to hearing you speak today."

"Linda, at work I was reading about charity events, and I noticed your business was a sponsor for almost all of them.  Your name was everywhere and I thought, 'she really is a good person.' "

"Mike, over here, sit by me!  I know you have to eat quickly to start the meeting, can I pour your water?"

And on and on he went, addressing each person at our table.  I had been feeling a little nervous earlier, but he made me feel completely comfortable, and I thought, What a nice guy.

It didn't end there though.  At Wasilla Rotary they have an "inspirational moment," which I think is kind of like a seminary devotional of sorts.  The gentlemen who gave it was named David, and he's actually the guy that helped line me up to speak at the Wasilla Rotary in the first place.  I wish now I knew his last name...I think it's Johnson.

So David gets up and says that the people in Rotary are his inspiration, and then begins naming a few names of people and why they inspire him.  I thought he'd pick out a few of the well-known members...but he didn't do that at all.  He went through every table and named every member and guest by first name, then added why they inspired him. Every person in the room.  I was floored.

While announcements were going on and before my speech, Mr. Klapperich handed me 15 out of the 20 split the pot tickets he had purchased.  I didn't know what to say.  Then he silently filled up my empty water glass.

The time of the meeting came around for me to give my speech, and it was a little rough.  But by the crowd's reaction, you would have thought I had just solved the world's hunger crisis.  As soon as I finished, Mr. Klapperich all but yelled, "She's got my vote!"

I sat down and they did the drawing for the split the pot, and none of my fifteen tickets were chosen.  No sooner were the winning numbers announced than I heard a woman I've never met say, "I'm donating it to the Rachel Kenley Campaign Fund."

Just so there's no confusion- I definitely do not have a campaign fund.  And I tried to refuse the money, but of course she wouldn't let me.  So I'm very grateful to this woman (whose name I never got) for her $40 contribution to success.  It will pay for 40% of my tuition for a training weekend I'm going to attend.

After the split the pot came Happy Bucks. If you've never been to a Rotary meeting, Happy Bucks is the section of the meeting where people can express something that makes them happy and donate money to the club.  Almost everyone who stood up donated a happy buck because of my mediocre speech.  Their comments were so uplifting and encouraging.  Here are a few of my favorites (paraphrased, because I don't have an impeccable memory):

"Rachel, your speech inspired me and I can't wait to see where you are in ten years.  I hope you'll come back and share with us the rest of your adventure."

"I so enjoyed Rachel's speech, and she reminded me that as I'm starting a new business, the challenges will make it successful, because we learn by making mistakes."

"For two years of my life I lived in Enterprise, Alabama, and I know the story of the monument to the boll weevil.  I loved the way you included it in your speech."

"My father was a cotton and a soybean farmer in the south, so I understand how hard the transition was.  Thank you for the speech.  You are a truly beautiful speaker and I wish you the best of luck."

And this last one was great- no offense to the other candidates of course:
"I say, those other 51 candidates should be scared."

I have never received so much praise concentrated on me at one time in my life.  I wanted to cry out, "Stop, stop, my head will inflate and explode!"  But honestly, it felt so good.  I felt like these random strangers really believed in me- so I could believe in myself.  They showed me so much kindness.

After the meeting was over, Mr. Klapperich asked me how he could help me, and offered to do an interview with me on his radio station.  Then he asked me more about the selection process, and finally asked me a two-fold question:  "Why do you want to be a National Officer?  What skills do you have that would make you successful in this position?"

My stomach flipped over as I thought, this is it.  This is the question, the 'why are you running for National Office question!  And I said, "I think I would be a great National Officer because I have good communication skills.  I've always been able to talk to people easily and I want to use that skill to connect with other members.  And I want to be a National Officer because I feel like I have been blessed by so many National Officers in my own life.  They have inspired me and helped me to become the person I am today.  And I feel that since I have the skills and opportunity to become a National Officer, I have a responsibility to turn around and be a role model- to do for younger FFA members what was done for me."

Then Mr. Klapperich said, "Kid, I'll see you at the top, and I mean the top!"

Even though my speech wasn't flawless today, I walked out of that meeting feeling, well, like John C. Maxwell puts it, like a million bucks.  The members of that Rotary club made me feel like a million bucks.  And they reminded me why I'm putting all this time into studying- it's not to know every fact about FFA history, or to be able to memorize a perfect and polished speech- it's to connect with others and to serve them.

So thanks, Wasilla Rotary, for being living examples of who I want to be.  You made my day fantastic.
Rachel