In a word, what I'm feeling now:

TIRED.

My goodness I'm so tired!I have so much to do in the next 12 days, it's ridiculous.  The list is scaring me:

• 2 workshops
• More practice interviews (a few questions a night)
• Finishing my thank you cards from the Minnesota training
• Refining my story arsenal
• More Hot Topic practice speeches with Jimmy
• Brushing up on ag issues
• Making talking point sheets for Round Robin interviews
• Meeting with Mrs. Parry again
• Getting my hair cut and colored
• ...and cramming in as much knowledge as possible in my head for the written test!

I haven't been this busy since my senior year in high school when I was a state officer.  I just feel like I have no time to breathe, and had to take a few minutes today to call some people and assure them that I don't hate them, I'm just ridiculously busy.  This is definitely a big push to the finish, but in three weeks it will all be over either way.  Either I'll continue to be this busy and on the run in my next big adventure for the next year, or...I'll have a few months to breath.

I don't know if I made the right decisions in my scheduling this semester.  I feel like the things that bring me stress relief- piano and improv- also make my life more stressful.  I don't know.  Last week I practiced piano for an hour and a half because it felt so good and so mind-numbing.  But today, I could only practice for twenty minutes because I just felt anxious.  I'm still working on that calmness thing.  It's also hard to know how much time I should spend working with the improv troupe, because I don't want it to take away from my National Office study, but I also don't want to abandon it and have to make up if I end up staying here.

If I do end up staying here...it will be a bit of a relief.  I want to be a National Officer, I really do.   I need a little time to breathe, to do laundry, to go grocery shopping, and heck, to just be a college student!  I want to stay up late and say "yes!" when my friends invite me to watch Sherlock Holmes and just be myself with a little less stress.  But I want to work hard now, so that even if I do come home, I'll feel like I've done everything I could have.

My goal for this month is to be more friendly and outgoing, so that I can portray that to the nominating committee.  So that means less time with the iPod in my ears and more time talking to anyone I recognize.  And in the past week, I've re-met two people I didn't even know were here at Utah State!

How am I going to get through the next 12 days?  I...don't know.  I have a lot to do!  But I love this quote I found on my friend Laura's facebook status:

"You cannot plow a field by turning it over in your mind."

So off to work I go.  Actually- off to bed I go.  And in the morning...off to work.  Wish me luck!

-Rachel