What Do I Do If It Doesn't Happen?

In October, I got to go to the National Convention and compete in Job Interview.  I'm so grateful I had that opportunity.  At that time, I had begun seriously considering running for National Office and I decided that I would think about it at National Convention and make my decision by the time I got back to Logan.

When I got back to my dorm, I called Rayne and said, "I want to do it.  I want to do all of it."  And the rest, as they say is history.

The facts are, I made my decision before I got back to Logan, I made my decision about halfway through the convention.  So after I decided, I payed really close attention to the National Officer Candidates: how they presented themselves on stage, who had made the cut, what they did in their spare time, etc.  It helped that a lot of them were friends of mine from SPC and NLCSO. :)

At the closing session, my chapter (well I guess, my association? most of Alaska, anyhow) showed up to the Fieldhouse over an hour early to get seats.  we ended up sitting on the right side (looking from the stage) on the wing nearest to the floor.  They weren't delegate seats (oh how I miss those!) but they were still really good, and they happened to be just across the aisle from the National Officer Candidates.

When the time finally came to announce the 2009-2010 team, I watched the candidates intently.  I said to myself, "These are the best seats ever!"  I felt like I was part of the action, watching first-hand the thrilled new officers run to their posts.  And I thought the whole time, "This could be me next year."

Then, they were all up on stage.  The wrapping up began and everyone sat down again.  Then I made the mistake of looking over at the National Officer Candidates section.

I had just witnessed six of the happiest people I had ever seen run on stage, and when I looked over at the NOC section, I saw at least ten of the saddest people I had ever seen.  I guess I had forgotten that the people who made the first cut really didn't know who was going to make it- and I expect coming so far just to be cut was a devastating blow.  Looking over, I saw people who had worked really, really, hard, and everything they had worked for had just been whisked away.  They were crushed.

I immediately wished I had not sat so close.

Luckily, loved ones and coaches came to support them and I'm sure everyone was okay after a while.  But it was a weird part of the national officer selection process that most people don't get to see.

This really bothered me, because I had just made up my mind that I was going to commit myself for the next year to prepare to run- but what if it didn't happen for me?  I didn't want to be crushed, or to feel like preparing was a waste of time, or that I didn't have anything to look forward to.  It was a dilemma.

When I got back to Logan, I told my brother I was going to run, and his response was, "Just don't cry if you don't make it."  I said I couldn't guarantee anything.

Then, a few months ago, I got a questionnaire response from 2008-2009 National Central Region VP Morgan Parker (thanks again!)  He said something that really made me think:

"You also have to have a backup plan. If I wasn't elected, I knew exactly what I was going to do. And I wasn't going to be heart broken about it. Contrary to popular belief, there is life beyond the blue jacket."

 So yes, I am committing myself fully to preparing to be a National Officer.  But if it doesn't happen, I'm not going to be crushed.  Yes, being a National Officer would be fantastic, and a dream come true.  But if I'm not a National Officer, I'll be able to do a lot of other things I otherwise wouldn't be able to do.  And here's a list of them I've been brainstorming.

See Micah as soon as he comes home in July 2011.

Do a semester abroad.

Do more improv.

Try something new here at school I've wanted to do, like the Swing Dancing Club or Latter-Day Voices.

Improve my piano skills.

Cut my hair however I want (if I don't make it I think I'll cut it all off just for fun)

Hang out with my friends.

Wear big earrings whenever I want.
Possibly go on a mission.
Be in a play or musical again. 

Take an animal production class in the spring.

Go to church every week.

Get a cool internship for next summer (like in D.C. or something!)

Spend time with my family (more than I would if I was a National Officer)

This picture was taken in 2007.  We hang out more than every 3 years, I promise, we just don't ever take pictures!

Eat a pizza (Rayne promised he'd buy me one if I didn't make it- any size, any toppings.  He has a lot of confidence I'll make it, 'cuz I don't think he goes around buying pizza for people very often. :)  Still though, it's a win-win: I become a National Officer, or I get a pizza!)

I'm sure there are more things that I could add to this list.  And don't worry- I have a list of great things about being a National Officer too...obviously I think it's a cool thing, or I wouldn't be devoting so much time to it.

The point is: I used to think I had to be National Officer.  I used to look at the National Officers in New Horizons magazine and think "That's going to be me...I want it SO bad...it has to happen!" and feel a little sick to my stomach (true story).  I used think I probably would cry if I didn't make it, and I didn't want to think about it because I knew how distraught I would be.

Now, I'm sure I'll be sad.  I wouldn't be being realistic if I told you I'll bounce back right away if it doesn't happen for me.  But I'll just look at this list, eat my pizza, and remind myself that it will all be okay. :)