Final Essay

Here's a version of what I wrote yesterday...more polished and essay-like.  l promise this is my last post here.  Enjoy!

What I’ve Learned

A few days ago one of my cousins shared a Dashboard Confessional song with me.  The song, ridiculously titled “Carve Your Heart Out Yourself,” was as depressing as its title and I hated it, but for some reason one of the lines got stuck in my head for the next few days:

“Man, it takes a silly girl to lie about the dreams she had…man, it takes a lonely girl to wish that she had never dreamed at all.”

Every time that line went through my head, I couldn’t help but think about how it applied to my life. 

In the twelve months and over 450 hours I spent preparing to run for National Office, I learned so much.  I systematically went through my entire life and philosophy, discovering who I am and what I stand for.  I can now say that there is probably no job-interview-type question that I can’t answer with confidence.

I improved my public speaking skills, both prepared and extemporaneous, and I worked hard to become more effective in teaching students through facilitation.  I read countless books on leadership and made weekly and monthly goals for self-improvement. 

Finally, I learned everything there is to know about FFA, the agricultural education system, and current agricultural issues.  When the process for running for Nationals was over, I thought this knowledge was pretty useless...but even if I don’t ever apply this knowledge again in my life, it sure has helped me in the Orientation to Agricultural Education class!

I thought that all the learning I would experience would be in preparation to run for National Office, but I was wrong.  The most important thing I learned from the process- perhaps the most important thing I’ve learned thus far in my life- came after the convention.

Failing to become a National FFA Officer was the biggest disappointment I’ve ever experienced.  And experiencing disappointment is not something I’m used to.  I’ve always been of the opinion that hard work leads to results, and my hypothesis has never been proven incorrect until now. 

Now…I’ve learned how life can be unfair.  I’ve learned that I can work as hard as a possibly can, and perform as well as I possibly can, and still not get what I want.  And that’s a hard thing to deal with.

For a while after National Convention, I never wanted to talk about the results.  That might have been my silly way of lying about my dreams.  I was too disappointed to talk about the good that came out of National Convention, and I was afraid that the people I loved would be disappointed in me.

Disappointment has taught me perspective.  Although I am not happy with the results of Convention, there are people in this world who are in much worse situations than I am.   It has also taught me how to be adaptable.  I am naturally a very organized person who plans out her life a year in advance.  My plans for 2011 included serving as a National FFA Officer, but now, I have an entire year with nothing on my calendar.  I am excited to fill that calendar with new adventures and learn to be more spontaneous.

Before, during and after the National Convention, I discovered what a fantastic support system I have.  I am so grateful for the friends and family that supported me in my most difficult hours.

While I was preparing for the convention, I constantly reminded myself of why I was sacrificing so much for my dreams by reading this quote by Arnold Bennett: “The real tragedy is the tragedy of the man who never in his life braves himself for his one supreme effort- he never stretches to his full capacity, never stands up to his full stature.”  I am glad that I had the opportunity to run for National Office.  It was something I was scared to do, and something that I wasn’t sure I could do-but I’m glad that I stretched myself to reach for dreams, even though those dreams weren’t fully realized.

What I learned from my experience was more than just facts and figures about agriculture and FFA.  I learned true leadership in being gracious in defeat and working to support those who are have been selected.  I learned empathy for people who have and will fail in life.  I learned perspective.  I learned the value of hard work, and I am learning how to overcome challenges.  I can't say I've learned that yet, because here I am, wondering what's next and trying not to feel like life as I knew it is now over.  I know that someday soon I'll look back on this period of life and think about how hard it was, and be grateful for the opportunity I had to learn all of this.  I'm not at that point yet, but I'm getting there slowly and surely.

I used to think that it would have been better to avoid this pain and wish that I had never applied for National Office.  But now, I am glad for the opportunity to learn.  And do I wish that I had never dreamed at all?  Definitely not. 

In a word, what I'm feeling now:

TIRED.

My goodness I'm so tired!I have so much to do in the next 12 days, it's ridiculous.  The list is scaring me:

• 2 workshops
• More practice interviews (a few questions a night)
• Finishing my thank you cards from the Minnesota training
• Refining my story arsenal
• More Hot Topic practice speeches with Jimmy
• Brushing up on ag issues
• Making talking point sheets for Round Robin interviews
• Meeting with Mrs. Parry again
• Getting my hair cut and colored
• ...and cramming in as much knowledge as possible in my head for the written test!

I haven't been this busy since my senior year in high school when I was a state officer.  I just feel like I have no time to breathe, and had to take a few minutes today to call some people and assure them that I don't hate them, I'm just ridiculously busy.  This is definitely a big push to the finish, but in three weeks it will all be over either way.  Either I'll continue to be this busy and on the run in my next big adventure for the next year, or...I'll have a few months to breath.

I don't know if I made the right decisions in my scheduling this semester.  I feel like the things that bring me stress relief- piano and improv- also make my life more stressful.  I don't know.  Last week I practiced piano for an hour and a half because it felt so good and so mind-numbing.  But today, I could only practice for twenty minutes because I just felt anxious.  I'm still working on that calmness thing.  It's also hard to know how much time I should spend working with the improv troupe, because I don't want it to take away from my National Office study, but I also don't want to abandon it and have to make up if I end up staying here.

If I do end up staying here...it will be a bit of a relief.  I want to be a National Officer, I really do.   I need a little time to breathe, to do laundry, to go grocery shopping, and heck, to just be a college student!  I want to stay up late and say "yes!" when my friends invite me to watch Sherlock Holmes and just be myself with a little less stress.  But I want to work hard now, so that even if I do come home, I'll feel like I've done everything I could have.

My goal for this month is to be more friendly and outgoing, so that I can portray that to the nominating committee.  So that means less time with the iPod in my ears and more time talking to anyone I recognize.  And in the past week, I've re-met two people I didn't even know were here at Utah State!

How am I going to get through the next 12 days?  I...don't know.  I have a lot to do!  But I love this quote I found on my friend Laura's facebook status:

"You cannot plow a field by turning it over in your mind."

So off to work I go.  Actually- off to bed I go.  And in the morning...off to work.  Wish me luck!

-Rachel 

I believe in being happy myself...

Yesterday was a very long day:

9:30- Creative Arts Class
10:20- Piano Practice
11:30- Piano Lesson
12:00- When I was supposed to have lunch, except I forgot to pack it...
12:30- Choir
1:30- Walked back to my car and then driving around lost in Logan
2:00- Arrived at the temple to do baptisms.  Felt some much needed peace.
3:00- Go back to the condo. Eat lunch, fold some laundry, temporarily avoid responsibility.
4:00- Search every shoe store in Logan for official dress shoes!
5:30- Arrive on campus triumphant, with two potential shoe candidates and four pairs of black nylons.  Study for thirty minutes.
6:00- Visit Scott in his new apartment, eat dinner, watch Glee!
7:00- Improv Practice
9:00- Antics Troupe Auditions.  Had to pay scrupulous attention, because people's "happiness depends on me."
12:15- Cast votes for who the two new troupe members should be.
12:30- Argued about vote results.
12:35- Went back to Scott's apartment to pick up the keys that I left there 6+ hours before.
12:45- Returned to my car and began driving back to the condo for the night.
12:47- Got pulled over by a cop because my headlight is out and I forgot to turn on my brights.  Asked for mercy because it was (techincally!) my birthday.
1:00- Back on the road.  Feeling melancholy.
1:10- Returned to the condo.  Ate a Fudgsicle because I felt crappy.
1:20- Collapse into bed to have bad dreams about dying elephants and their elephant offspring.

Today was just as stressful, if not more, and included taking my car to the shop and riding the bus onto campus, passing out improv fliers, and carrying my Minnesota luggage with me everywhere...resulting in looking like an idiot.

On my way to the airport I had some time to just sit and think, which was nice.  I also had some time to read more in my new book, Blue Jackets Gold Standards, the FFA 75th Anniversary Book, which I am really enjoying so far.  And I got to a section about the Creed, so I started going over it.

*Embarrassing Confession*
I don't really know the Creed by heart...at least, not anymore. I used to, at one time, but now the third and fourth paragraph just jumble all together in my head for some reason.

So because of this embarrassing confession, I thought I might go over the Creed in my head again and try to get it to stick.  What if someone this weekend asks me to recite it...or worse, someone at Convention!?

I stopped when I got to the last line in the third paragraph, which reads:

"[I believe] in being happy myself and playing square with those whose happiness depends upon me."

And then I thought about my melancholy last night.  What it was about anyway, I'm not exactly sure...I just felt kind of blah.  Like my life has been going by too fast and it's been to stressful, I don't know.  And then I had this stupid thought (or half a thought): "But when/if I become a National Officer-" and I was going to think, "I'll be happier," but I stopped myself and finished the sentence with "nothing will change."

What a stupid thing to think, even though I know that happiness is the key to success, and not the other way around.  Besides, life as a National Officer...would be hard!  I'd be just as stressed if not more, and I know if I don't learn to be happy now, it's not magically going to come then.

Just like when I was a state officer.  Don't get me wrong, I wanted to be a state officer more than anything in the world but that didn't mean my senior year was fun all the time.  In fact, I was unhappy a lot, even though I was very blessed and fortunate and successful.

I never thought of it as something I stood for, being happy.  Whenever I've studied the Creed before I always focused on the second paragraph and told my story of being chased by the goose.  I never even really, fully comprehended that if I really live by the FFA Creed, that means that I believe in being happy.

So that's another thing I'm working on.  And this weekend is bound to bring some happiness, because (1) it's my birthday, and (2) I'm in Minnesota attending a National Officer Candidate Training Weekend!  It already reminds me of my good old State Officer summer... I'm so thankful to have the opportunity to be here this weekend and I know I'll learn a lot.

Two other things on my mind tonight.

1) FFA has had a huge jump in membership, have you heard?  The official tally for this year is 523,309 members, which I find incredibly exciting.

2) I feel very confident today.  I don't know why that is exactly.  I feel like this is what I am supposed to be doing and I just feel...confident in my abilities.  Which is a very calm feeling.  Awesome.

Well I have an early morning tomorrow.  I'll keep you posted! (get it?)

Rachel

My Quest for Calm, Part One

Hey,
I feel so much better today. Don't ask me why, I got very few hours in over the weekend.  Maybe that's why.  I always used to think it was ridiculous when people were over their heads in high school and dealt with it by taking a "day off,"  but I guess that's what I did this whole last weekend.  I went to an improv show.  I went to a Girl's Night sleepover.  I went to a barbecue.  I drove 1.5 to Brigham City and back for no reason at all (although that was just because I had bad directions. :) )

Now I'm really getting into researching Hot Topics.  Some are easier than others, but it really hasn't been quite as hard as I thought it would be overall.  I'm excited and nervous to try some mock speeches, but there's no better time than the present.  I can't wait for my training camp later this month, I'm sure my brain will explode with knowledge and feedback.

Well, I think I'll call Rayne again and try to get ahold of the beauty coach once more.  I'm making a comprehensive list of all the things I need to do to upgrade my appearance.  I don't want to look like a Barbie or anything, just like, Rachel Kenley 2.0- business professional version. That's why I've begun using Mavala STOP, once again.  Aw, my old friend that tastes to disgusting...I've missed you.
-Rachel

"I just need to blog, blog it out!"

Pheeeeeeewwww.

My counter is annoying me.  I try not to look at it. I hate it.

Something awful is happening to me.  Whenever I think about National Office, which is basically all the time, and especially when I'm studying (which should be all the time...I'm working on that) my stomach gets all knotted up and I feel sick.  A few minutes ago I had to skip one of my favorite songs, "The Contradiction," on my iPod, because it was making me anxious.  The worst part is, my iPod is only playing songs from my "classical genre."
Here it goes again.  Apparently I can't listen to Piano Concerto No. 1 in B Flat Minor either...

Any hints or tips for overcoming the worst case of nerves you've ever had?  Pre-nerves, because I'm not even at convention yet?

I don't understand.  I planned to feel 12,000 percent prepared by this point.  And now (almost) 350 hours later, I feel so panicky.  So I just had to stop for a minute and blog.  Yes, this is taking away from actual time that I could be immersing my poor swollen brain in more facts, so it seems contradictory.  But I can't focus.

So I need to just take a minute and remember why I'm doing this.  Because is it to be a National Officer?  Is that my goal, my end all, be all, or my entire life?  Because it shouldn't be.  My goal is to be me.  To be the very best version of me that I can possibly be, and that me is a helpful, kind, compassionate, friendly me.  I want to make a difference in people's lives.  FFA member's lives, yes, but beyond that- people's lives.  And if I don't become a National Officer, I'm still going to accomplish that goal.  So there's no pressure, really, because my goal is one hundred percent achievable and I have the rest of my life to attain it.

I'm not ready for National Convention right now, this very second.  But lucky for me, convention is still a little ways away,  So talk to me 150 hours from now.  And then I'll be as ready as I ever hoped to be.  Of course, there will always be something more I could have done, but I'm not sure how much difference it would have made anyway.  I have a little ways to go, but I've come a long ways since last November.

Here's a poem I found on Bethany Bohnenblust's National Officer blog today.

Fresh Start

Here marks a fresh start

a new freedom for my heart

My chance at being me,

doing what I want, totally free.

And it won't be a big deal.

It's nothing like I thought,

I survived the battles I fought.

My thoughts are all gone,

like the night at down.

My soul is free of sorrow,

I'll do what I want tomorrow.

I can't be held or bound.

I will spread my wings and leave this ground.

Distraction has no control.

My life will no longer be dull.

I will have the power.

I'll pass the highest tower.

Don't try to stop me now,

'Cause you won't know how.

For I will be totally free.

And I'll be one hundred percent me!

by xO

And here's a quote she posted as well:

"I have always been delighted at a prospect of a new day, a fresh try, one more start with perhaps a big of magic waiting somewhere behind the morning." ~Joseph Priestly

My goal for September (I just decided, two minutes ago) is to be calm.  Reflecting on what I've written here can help me to do that.  I love that I have tomorrow to improve: to focus more, to be more productive, to be more outgoing, to be more calm, and to be a better me.  I'm so grateful for my savior's atonement that allows me endless and constant "do-overs" in my life.  Tomorrow I will not feel this way.  Tomorrow will be better.

While I'm talking about myself and how I be myself, I guess I'll post this poem as well.  It was originally sent to one of my co-workers, the wonderful Patricia, and it describes her perfectly.  I read it and loved it and stole it.  I hope it describes me as well.  I've always felt that hard work is a solution for everything.

To be of Use
The people I love the best
jump into work head first
without dallying in the shallows
and swim off with sure strokes almost out of sight.
They seem to become natives of that element,
the black sleek heads of seals
bouncing like half submerged balls.

I love people who harness themselves, an ox to a heavy cart,
who pull like water buffalo, with massive patience,
who strain in the mud and the muck to move things forward,
who do what has to be done, again and again.

I want to be with people who submerge
in the task, who go into the fields to harvest
and work in a row and pass the bags along,
who stand in the line and haul in their places,
who are not parlor generals and field deserters
but move in a common rhythm
when the food must come in or the fire be put out.

The work of the world is common as mud.
Botched, it smears the hands, crumbles to dust.
But the thing worth doing well done
has a shape that satisfies, clean and evident.
Greek amphoras for wine or oil,
Hopi vases that held corn, are put in museums
but you know they were made to be used.
The pitcher cries for water to carry
and a person for work that is real.

by Marge Piercy

So my plan for the rest of today: read The Leadership Challenge and skim through The Arsenal again.  Have a little fun today.  Tomorrow I'm spending as much time as I can handle here at the library, delving head-first into Hot Topics 101!  I'd like to study all day Monday as well, I think most of my roommates are going home...but I don't have internet at the condo yet, and nothing on campus will be open.  Anyone know of a good internet cafe?

One of the most gorgeous views on Earth, at the Pettit farm.  Mmm, I feel calmer already...

Have a great long weekend.  I'll be studying.

Love, Rachel

Back from the dead...

Why hello, blog-I-have-not-updated-in-almost-a-month.

My goodness how time flies.  I have been so busy with my new (and increasingly awesome!) internship at the Division of Agriculture.  I have been on the road and learning new skills along the way.  Like how to drive (I haven't had an anxiety attack over it since my first drive to Anchorage this summer!).  And how to check into hotel rooms.  And how to not make a huge mess when I stay in hotel rooms.  And how to deal with children, and tourists, and people from different cultures.  And I am having a great time, too!

But my job is almost over, just one more week of work and I'll be off to school again.  Then I'll finally have time to get down to business and study to the end.  Not that I haven't been studying all along- but now it's time to tie up the loose ends.  Make sure I'm all ready for the written test.  Prepare like crazy for the hot topics.  Maybe do some more facilitation.  Buy new Official Dress.  Get good make-up.  Go to the practice camp- do more interview questions, evaluate, work on them again.  I'm so nervous, but I'm really excited too.  I know I have a chance at this, I've worked really hard, and I hate to admit this out loud, in case it doesn't happen for me...but I really, really want this.

I haven't been slacking too bad though!  In my absense I:

• Finished and sent my application (which included a near-perfect letter of application- hurray!)
• Spoke and answered interview questions at the Farm Bureau meeting
• Helped coordinate and run kid's activities at Ag Appreciation Day
• Continued to read my newest book, Monday Morning Choices
• Got my American Degree! (which doesn't mean I did anything, technically... I filled out the application months ago.  But I checked the website and I am all set to receive it!)
• Spent a day on the Mat-Su Farm Tour
• Interviewed Alex Davis of AD Farms, (which is on Lazy Mountain, which is one of the most beautiful places I've ever been in my entire life.  Seriously took my breath away.) And,
• Continued to work on my goal for August, which is to "Cease Non-Excellence."  (Meaning, to stop doing things that are not totally excellent.  Like spending more than ten minutes doing nothing on Facebook.  Or watching more than the appropriate amount of Food Network shows at once.  Or sleeping without sheets on my bed.  I haven't done very well at this goal...but I'm working on it.)

Speaking of goals, only 2 more until I'm (hopefully) a National Officer! Ah!  I'm getting overwhelmed thinking about it.  I think I'll go up to my hotel room (I'm in Kenai now) and get settled in for the night.

Have a fantastic weekend.  I'll probably write again once I'm settled in Logan again!
Rachel

Thoughts of the Day

There are so many, flitting around my head like hummingbirds.  I don't feel like organizing them, it would take all the fun out it, wouldn't it?  So here are some randomized bullet points:

• I woke up this morning sending all my hatred to the digitized alarm clock screen projecting the numbers 6, 0, 0.  Then I thought of this quote (which, by the way, I can't believe I didn't post here earlier, because it is probably my absolute favorite): "You can often gauge a man's ambition on whether he hates his alarm clock or considers it his best friend." -Thomas Edison.  I love you, alarm clock.
• I've thought a lot today about reaching my goals versus reaching my potential.  Expect a detailed blog posting on this subject at a later date.  Also: religion, and what role does it play in my quest?
• I can't help thinking there's a reason why Max DePree's concept of "intimacy" didn't catch on in other leadership texts (and yes, it's obvious).
• A thought inspired by my readings today: Do I examine what will be important tomorrow and not just what matters today?

• Some wisdom ala Max DePree: "Three of the key elements in the art of working together are how to deal with change, how to deal with conflict, and how to reach our potential."

• During lunch today, after reading a short story about a light bulb, a fully formed speech idea came to mind, complete with three stories, a little anecdote, and a quote.  I felt like a genius- and just in time to try something new for speaking to the Palmer LIONS club next week!  In case I haven't posted it here, this is the quote, and it's pasted to the inside cover of my trusted Franklin Covey: "Don't run through life so fast that you forget where you've been and lose where you're going.  Life is not a race but a journey to be savored every step of the way."  -Kobi Yamada

• I gained copious (how's that for a Word of the Day?) amounts of knowledge today.  I think I now have a good handle on the government's involvement (or lack thereof) in the Alaska FFA, and I definitely understand organics and chemicals much better- thanks Mark Rempel!

• I've discovered "The Moth" podcast recently and I love it.  It's not studying (that I count for hours, anyway) but I think it helps me get in the mode of story telling.
• I got a call as I was leaving work from the president of Wasilla Rotary about speaking there on Wednesday (yeah, this Wednesday, the day after tomorrow).  I hope I'll have this new speech ready by then, although I may not.
• I'd much rather write a new speech than work on my letter of application...which is probably more important,

• I talked myself out of a bad mood today!  I was frustrated driving home because of some mistakes I'd made on a newsletter I produced at work, and I was worried that someone didn't like me, and I was worried about being there for a  friend...and all of this together was getting me all worked up.  So I explained to myself (yes out loud, you don't do that?) that it didn't matter if someone didn't like me, that everyone makes mistakes and that's how I learn, and that I was doing everything I could do and that I was doing my best.  Then I ran a mile, and that helped too.  But seriously, ME=master of my emotions.  At least recently.  At least today.

So now you have an idea what it feels like to be inside my head for a day.  It's pretty crazy in there. :)

Have a great night,

Rachel

The Problem With Marathons, July's Goal and My Brand

Hey guys,
No work today, I had the day off because I have to work in Saturday and that will busy.  So my plan was to have a studying marathon and catch up on the four hours I was short of my goal last week.  Or at least just log some.

Unfortunately, it just so happens to be a blazingly sunny and beautiful day!  And it's making it hard to concentrate.

The day started out a little rocky as a I started reading a new leadership book (because I finished 25 Ways to Win With People last night) called The Brand You 50.  I'm not giving up on it just yet, but let's just say it's not my favorite.  Tom Peters doesn't believe in correct grammar or sentence structure, apparently.  I'll still work on getting through that book, I think it just starts slow, but in the mean time I started "Leadership Is An Art" by Max De Pree.  It's also a different format from what I'm used to.  But I like what it says about writing in books:

"As a child, I often watched adults study books and learned one of my first lessons about reading.  They wrote in their books.  Intent and involved readers often write in the margins and between the lines."

Wow- this definitely describes me!  If you flip through my leadership books you'll see a lot of yellow highliter and black pen.  I wish I could say you'd get a lot out of reading my notes, but you probably wouldn't- they're pretty nonsensical to people besides myself.  My physics teacher used to tell us to "talk to the text," when we read our physics book (or if, in most cases) and that's where I got the habit. I'm constantly debating the principles, and writing in the margins, "Do I agree with this?" and "How can I say this without sounding cheesy?"

I digress.  After I did a bit of reading, I started to do a handful of other things.  I just felt all day like I had too much to do and it was a little overwhelming.  But when I step back, I really did get quite a bit done, including:

• Almost my entire FFA Application (excluding a few of the harder things)
• Called people to write me letters of recommendation
• Read through and studied the Monday Morning Monitor
• Checked in with Jeff
• E-mailed two people about training weekends
• Sent about a million emails to Rayne (or 3)
• Worked on 35 "Ways to Encourage the Heart" #33- writing thank you notes
• Read leadership books
• Two blog posts
• And I checked again just to make sure the due date for the application is indeed August 1st.

 So, up to now it's been 4.5 hours.  Which isn't bad, I guess.  I just need to not expect marathons to be very successful, because I can't focus after a few hours.  Oh well. I also got some other things done, like scheduling an appointment to get my hair cut and going to the gym (ie, March's goal).

Speaking of goals: It's July!  And it's been July for a while, but I've had this goal and have just forgotten to mention it.  So here it is: Exercise Patience.  Man, this is such a hard thing for me.  And I don't even know if this is the right wording for what I'm trying to do.  Not only am I trying to be more patient about life and the pace it goes, I'm trying to be more patient with others and mostly, control my temper.

Two weeks ago I got into a huge fight with my sister Rita, over, essentially  whether "dating" is defined as "going out" with someone or "going on a date" with someone.  Ridiculous, I know, but I totally lost my cool and it took me a long time to get in control of myself.  At one point I was ranting and my sister said, "Imagine there was a camera right here in the car (we were on our way home from Anchorage) recording you right now, wouldn't you be embarrassed to watch yourself?"


At the time I was mad, so I just thought, whatever.  But now I think, "Oh man.  What if there was a camera.  What if the nominating committee saw me at my worst, my very brattiest,  instead of this responsible, put-together servant-leader I'll be doing my best to present to them.  If they knew I treated my family this way, they would never elect me."

And, that's all very true.  So I'm working this month on that.  As a sidenote, I don't know why it's always my sister Rita who says things that impact me so much- she also contributed a quote to my retiring address.  It's probably because she's so honest- but I appreciate that.

Could this be officially considered a diatribe?  Probably.  I'm going to get to work on the harder aspects of the application now (the letter of application and the resume).
-Rachel

Rollin' Along

Hey guys,
Tomorrow I'm speaking at the South Anchorage Rotary, and I'm really excited about it.  I was able to take apart my last speech with Rayne's help and improve on the areas I was weak on last time.  I'll let you know how it goes.

Also, on Sunday, I had to give a talk at church.  I won't go too into detail, because this is not a religion blog, but it was a good experience to do some more public speaking in a totally different arena.  And I also talked a lot about learning to love others, which I mentioned before was my goal for June, so that helped me out a lot.  I used this quote (that I also used in my retiring address) by Stephen R. Covey that I absolutely love and thought I'd share with you:

“Love is something you do: the giving of self, the sacrifices you make, even for people who offend or do not love in return.  Love is a value that is actualized through loving actions.”

As for studying, things are going well.  My American Degree is done and in the mail- woot!  I also am getting a little better at interview questions with each meeting with Rayne, but I still have a ways to go.  I just ordered 6 new leadership books on Amazon.com.  I officially love that site for cheap books!  We'll see how I like them.  I'm just tearing through them reading a half-hour per day, and I finished the ones I had- so my study routine feels a little off-balance as I usually start by reading.  I only have 4 left on the Recommended Reading List from nationals, so I got a few that past national officer candidates recommended.  Anyone have any ideas for great autobiographies or biographies to read too?  I want to have plenty of leadership examples for answering interview questions.


Whew, where has the time gone?  I've got to run do some babysitting tonight, but I promise to blog some more soon.  In facilitation terms, here's a preview of what I'll be blogging about soon:

Three words that describe ME

How my LIFE is like a GIANT CABBAGE

What I see THROUGH MY WINDOW

Stay tuned...

Rachel

An Update

Hey everyone,
I'm having technical issues, so I can't put the pictures up right now.  But I will eventually.

I just wanted to write and give you all an update on what I've been up to.  Last weekend, I felt extremely overwhelmed.  If I had blogged, it would have been depressing, so be glad I didn't.

Today, I feel awesome.  I'm typing as fast as I can trying to get things done. I'm speaking at the South Anchorage Rotary (per special request of someone who saw my speech at the Palmer Rotary- woohoo!) a week from Thursday, so I'm trying to revise my speech according to what we noticed from the recording of it.  That's going kind of slow, I'm just so scattered I need to organize myself.  But other than that I'm getting a lot done in the areas of self-improvement, FFA info. study, and practice interview questions.  Go me!

One of the reasons I feel so on fire today is a chapter I read in the book "The 17 Essential Qualities of Team Player," by John C. Maxwell.  The chapter is all about discipline, and here are a few of the quotes I loved:

"Discipline is doing what you really don't want to do so that you can do what you really want to do."  

"A person lacking discipline is in a prison without bars." 

"Discipline means doing the reight things at the right time for the right reason."

And Maxwell also included a quote by Thomas Huxley, which I really liked:

"Perhaps the most valuable result of all education is the ability to make yourself do the thing you have to do, when it ought to be done, whether you like or not, it is the first lesson that ought to be learned, and however early a man's training begins, it is probably the last lesson that he learns thoroughly." 

This whole chapter made me think.  I've always prided myself on my discipline.  One of my favorite things in the world is to tackle a long a difficult piano piece and work at it slowly but surely until I've memorized it and performed it.  I take many things in my life very seriously and have to be disciplined with my time in order to achieve all I set out to do.

But lately, I haven't been very disciplined in my actions.  I find myself watching TV instead of fulfilling my goal of exercising, and putting off practicing piano in favor of reading, until it's too late to practice anymore.  Even my preparation for National Office, which admittedly I have been doing more than at college, is still lacking discipline.  But that chapter has inspired me, and I am excited to take over my thoughts, emotions and actions once more.

Last post I told you I was trying to decide on a goal for the month of June, and now I have.  It's a huge one, one I'm sure that I'll work on for the rest of my life, but this week I'm focusing on loving people better.  There are many people who I know that are trying to change and do right things, but it's hard for me to allow them to change.  I have a really difficult time letting go of grudges and I need to spend time trying to see the good in everyone and truly love them.  I'm guided by this awesome anecdote about Clara Barton (which, incidentally, can be found in "Developing the Leader Within You," by John C. Maxwell):

Clara Barton, the founder of the American Red Cross, understood the importance of choosing a right attitude even in wrong situations.  She was never known to hold a grudge against anyone.  On time a friend recalled to her a cruel thing that had happened to her some years previously, but Clara seemed not to remember the incident.

"Don't you remember the wrong that was done to you?" the friend asked.

 "No," Clara answered calmly, "I distinctly remember forgetting that."

Have an awesome Tuesday,
Rachel

My head is swimming...

What a day!  I woke up and starting helping my mom set up for her plant sale.  After we finished setting up, I went to ask my Grandpy what he was tinkering with and ended up talking to him for an hour and learning all about his dairy farm, how he cultivated the land, how a creek used to run through where the barn is now, and how his barn caught fire!  I learned so much about my ag background, and there's still so much to learn.  I came away with two realizations:
1) My Grandpy is a mechanical genius, and 2) I should have learned all this long ago!

The awesome didn't stop there though!  I came in for lunch, checked my e-mail and saw that Angela Mayfield commented on my last post- seriously, the comment is there, check it out!  I was so excited!

I just finished up a long and extensive meeting with Rayne where we really nailed down what I'm going to talk about at the Rotary meeting on Thursday.  Now I just have to write my speech.  And I put together my to-do list for next week.

It's incredible how draining those meetings can be.  I don't know why, but afterwards my head is just swimming with new ideas, so I want to get started on a new project and take a nap all at the same time.  This week should be a good one.  I've been getting overwhelmed with everything I have to do this summer, but hopefully my new organization system will help.

Tomorrow I'm running a 5k.  I have never done this before.  Wish me luck, I will need it!


I'm realizing this post is very boring.  I'm sorry. But check out what's not boring: the word tantalize!  I'm doing Word of the Days again, so this one is for today.  It's a verb that means to excite (another) by exposing something desirable while keeping it out of reach, as in: The cookies displayed in the cookie jar were tantalizing to Keith.


I don't think Keith reads this blog- so he can't be offended. :)
Mom, Natalie, and I might go see a movie tonight.  You should too, it's a Friday!  Have fun this weekend!
Rachel

What Do I Do If It Doesn't Happen?

In October, I got to go to the National Convention and compete in Job Interview.  I'm so grateful I had that opportunity.  At that time, I had begun seriously considering running for National Office and I decided that I would think about it at National Convention and make my decision by the time I got back to Logan.

When I got back to my dorm, I called Rayne and said, "I want to do it.  I want to do all of it."  And the rest, as they say is history.

The facts are, I made my decision before I got back to Logan, I made my decision about halfway through the convention.  So after I decided, I payed really close attention to the National Officer Candidates: how they presented themselves on stage, who had made the cut, what they did in their spare time, etc.  It helped that a lot of them were friends of mine from SPC and NLCSO. :)

At the closing session, my chapter (well I guess, my association? most of Alaska, anyhow) showed up to the Fieldhouse over an hour early to get seats.  we ended up sitting on the right side (looking from the stage) on the wing nearest to the floor.  They weren't delegate seats (oh how I miss those!) but they were still really good, and they happened to be just across the aisle from the National Officer Candidates.

When the time finally came to announce the 2009-2010 team, I watched the candidates intently.  I said to myself, "These are the best seats ever!"  I felt like I was part of the action, watching first-hand the thrilled new officers run to their posts.  And I thought the whole time, "This could be me next year."

Then, they were all up on stage.  The wrapping up began and everyone sat down again.  Then I made the mistake of looking over at the National Officer Candidates section.

I had just witnessed six of the happiest people I had ever seen run on stage, and when I looked over at the NOC section, I saw at least ten of the saddest people I had ever seen.  I guess I had forgotten that the people who made the first cut really didn't know who was going to make it- and I expect coming so far just to be cut was a devastating blow.  Looking over, I saw people who had worked really, really, hard, and everything they had worked for had just been whisked away.  They were crushed.

I immediately wished I had not sat so close.

Luckily, loved ones and coaches came to support them and I'm sure everyone was okay after a while.  But it was a weird part of the national officer selection process that most people don't get to see.

This really bothered me, because I had just made up my mind that I was going to commit myself for the next year to prepare to run- but what if it didn't happen for me?  I didn't want to be crushed, or to feel like preparing was a waste of time, or that I didn't have anything to look forward to.  It was a dilemma.

When I got back to Logan, I told my brother I was going to run, and his response was, "Just don't cry if you don't make it."  I said I couldn't guarantee anything.

Then, a few months ago, I got a questionnaire response from 2008-2009 National Central Region VP Morgan Parker (thanks again!)  He said something that really made me think:

"You also have to have a backup plan. If I wasn't elected, I knew exactly what I was going to do. And I wasn't going to be heart broken about it. Contrary to popular belief, there is life beyond the blue jacket."

 So yes, I am committing myself fully to preparing to be a National Officer.  But if it doesn't happen, I'm not going to be crushed.  Yes, being a National Officer would be fantastic, and a dream come true.  But if I'm not a National Officer, I'll be able to do a lot of other things I otherwise wouldn't be able to do.  And here's a list of them I've been brainstorming.

See Micah as soon as he comes home in July 2011.

Do a semester abroad.

Do more improv.

Try something new here at school I've wanted to do, like the Swing Dancing Club or Latter-Day Voices.

Improve my piano skills.

Cut my hair however I want (if I don't make it I think I'll cut it all off just for fun)

Hang out with my friends.

Wear big earrings whenever I want.
Possibly go on a mission.
Be in a play or musical again. 

Take an animal production class in the spring.

Go to church every week.

Get a cool internship for next summer (like in D.C. or something!)

Spend time with my family (more than I would if I was a National Officer)

This picture was taken in 2007.  We hang out more than every 3 years, I promise, we just don't ever take pictures!

Eat a pizza (Rayne promised he'd buy me one if I didn't make it- any size, any toppings.  He has a lot of confidence I'll make it, 'cuz I don't think he goes around buying pizza for people very often. :)  Still though, it's a win-win: I become a National Officer, or I get a pizza!)

I'm sure there are more things that I could add to this list.  And don't worry- I have a list of great things about being a National Officer too...obviously I think it's a cool thing, or I wouldn't be devoting so much time to it.

The point is: I used to think I had to be National Officer.  I used to look at the National Officers in New Horizons magazine and think "That's going to be me...I want it SO bad...it has to happen!" and feel a little sick to my stomach (true story).  I used think I probably would cry if I didn't make it, and I didn't want to think about it because I knew how distraught I would be.

Now, I'm sure I'll be sad.  I wouldn't be being realistic if I told you I'll bounce back right away if it doesn't happen for me.  But I'll just look at this list, eat my pizza, and remind myself that it will all be okay. :)

Happiness and Success, May's Goal

I heard a neat quote by Herman Caine today at a church fireside:

"Success is not the key to happiness, happiness is the key to success."

I love this idea.  If you are happy, than you will obtain success, If you are waiting for success to bring happiness, than you'll always be waiting for something and your attitude will be contingent on the things that go on in your life.

I guess this struck me particularly because I've always had a hard time having a good attitude.  Today as I was taking all my things down off the wall, I noticed my "good attitude" sign on the door.  I made it in February, it's a red arrow that says "I'm Thinking Up" on it.  Seeing it reminded me of how far I've come.  February's month goal was to have a good attitude, and I know that through hard work, reminders and help of loved ones, I've come a long way in maintaining a positive attitude.

Speaking of monthly goals, May is here, and that means something new to work on.  So, my new goal is to focus on my priorities, which are, as listed in the last post, my faith, my family, and running for National Office.

Have a nice day!
Rachel

150 Ways to Encourage the Heart

...or maybe just 35.

I finished "Encouraging the Heart" yesterday, and there is a list of 150 ways to practice Encouraging the Heart in everyday life.  I picked out a few that I think are applicable to my situation, and I'm going to knock them off, one or two per week.

So here's a run down of the seven essentials of Encouraging the Heart:

1. Set Clear Standards
2. Expect the Best
3. Pay Attention
4. Personal Recognition
5. Tell the Story
6. Celebrate
7. Set the Example

And here are the experiences on my list:

Set Clear Standards:

1)  Think of someone you admire who exemplifies living a principle-centered life.  Interview that person.  Find out how they discovered their own values.

2)  Watch Eyes on the Prize, the film on the civil rights movement.  It's a compelling story of the power of purpose and the dedication people make to realizing a dream.

Expect the Best

3)  Surround yourself with positive people who can remind you of your strengths and abilities.

4)  Practice envisioning.

5)  Buy a few inspirational posters.

6)  Read George Bernard Shaw's Pygmalion.  This is the classic novel on the power of positive expectations. And/or watch the video of My Fair Lady.  The film version of Shaw's novel, it portrays the power of belief in self.  Watch how Eliza Doolittle evolves through a growing sense that she can learn.

7)  Rent a video or CD of Martin Luther King's "I Have a Dream" speech delivered at the Lincoln Memorial in Washington, D.C., in 1963.  Listen to it for the word pictures he paints.  You'll be able to see what he says.  Now try to add word pictures to your own speeches.

Pay Attention

8)  Make note of the kinds of "gifts" or recognition people appreciate (or don't appreciate).

9)  Right now, pay attention to your breathing.  What do you notice? Write it down.  Your ability to attend to the most common and immediate elements of your daily life helps you be more attuned to what is going on around you.

10)  Right now, pay attention to your heartbeat.  What do you notice?  Write it down.

11)  Right now, pay attention to the sounds in your immediate space.  What do you notice?  Write it down.

12)  The next time you listen to someone talk about himself, his work, and what's important, listen with your "eyes and heart," not just your ears and brain.  What do you notice in listening with eyes and heart that you don't in listening with ears and brain?

Personalize Recognition

13)  Think back on a time when someone encouraged your heart meaningfully and memorably.  What did she do to make it special for you?  How did she personalize it for you? Make note of the lessons you learned, and apply them.

14)  Tell people your own "most meaningful recognition story."  Ask them to tell theirs.  What are the common lessons?

15)  At the end of one of your speeches, say something like, "My colleagues couldn't be with me today.  I sure hope I represented them well."

16)  Write a thank-you note to a loved one or someone who has done something special.

17)  Take a class or workshop on creativity.

18)  Take a course in drawing, painting, or photography.

19)  Say thank you personally every time you appreciate something someone does, anywhere and anytime.  It's good practice, and good manners.

20)  Make a vow that never again will you fail to personalize every recognition you make, every celebration you hold.

Tell the Story

21)  At the next opportunity, tell someone the story of your most meaningful recognition.

22)  Keep a journal.  Record in as much detail as you can the critical incidents of the day.  The practice of observing and recording is important in building your skills in storytelling.

23)  What's the best movie you ever saw that really tells a compelling story?  Rent it on video and watch it again.  What lessons can you learn from your favorite movie?  How can you incorporate these lessons into your leadership practice?

24)  At the next holiday when you're together with your family or friends, volunteer to read a story fit for the occasion.

25)  At dinner every night, don't just talk about the day; tell a story about it.  Describe the rich details of place, people, and feelings.  Use your home as a practice stage.

26)  Take an improvisational theater class.

Celebrate Together

27)  Attend local athletic events.  Watch cheerleaders, coaches, and players as they celebrate small and large victories.  Focus on their enthusiasm and energy.  Watch how people express this enthusiasm as well as how those who receive it are affected.  Notice how you are affected by the celebrations.  

28)  At a wedding or other celebratory event, make mental notes on what you like, or what really inspires you about the event.

29)  Plan festive celebrations for even the smaller milestones that your team reaches.  "Don't wait until the whole project is completed before you celebrate.  Immediate acknowledgment keeps energy and enthusiasm high.

30)  Take care of your own needs for support.  Develop a relationship with at least one person with whom you can talk about your grandest hopes and worst fears, your greatest achievements and your biggest flops.

31)  Do a DWYSYWD ("Do What You Say You Will Do") audit.  Take a sheet of paper and draw a line down the middle.  On the left-hand side record your value: the principles by which you say you want to lead your organization.  On the right-hand side, record your actions: what you do regularly to live out each of your values.  The only way to get any value out of this exercise, of course, is to be completely self-honest.  If you don't see yourself doing anything to live out a value, then leave the space blank.  If you think your behaviors are contrary to your espoused values, then write down that admission.  Grade yourself on how you're doing.  Do your values and actions line up?  Where are you strong?  Where do you have opportunities for improvement?  Make a plan to better align values and actions.

32)  Identify those experiences in your life that truly inspire you, and then bring this kind of inspiration into your conversations with employees.

33)  Write and deliver a thank you note every day.  We've never heard anyone complain about being thanked too much, but we've heard lots of complaints about being thanked too little.  

34)  Keep a journal of your experiments with encouraging the heart.  What works for you?  What doesn't?  What lessons have you learned?  How has this effort changed you as  a leader?

35)  The next time someone recognizes you, make note of your own thoughts and feelings.  (Experience becomes the best teacher, but only if we reflect on it.)  Then send that persona  thank-you not expressing appreciation for what you learned.

Yay for new goals and things to work on!  I also have a sheet from Dr. Miller on which I need to determine what I'm going to do to earn my four credits for of independent study.  

So for right now, let's check off the ones I've already done!  Numbers 16 and 26.  I wrote a letter to Mr. Giesler for 16, and of course, I started 26 when I came to college.

Ummkay, I'm out!

Rachel

Pooped

Hey guys,
I went jogging in the cemetery this afternoon. It was SO hot outside. But I jogged for half an hour. It was a nice day and a very pretty place- so it was as enjoyable as it could be- ignoring the fact that running makes me feel like I'm giving birth inside an iron lung during summer in Africa.  (I have no idea what that would feel like, by the way.  I've never given birth, been in an iron lung, or traveled to Africa.)


After I ran I had a video conference with Rayne.  Maybe the exercise took all the energy out of me...I was kinda off my game.  Next week should be better.

Right now I'm working on making a little video shout out to the Alaska State Convention.  I was working on it last week, and I was getting really frustrated, I just couldn't seem to figure out what I wanted to say and how I wanted to say it.  But I talked to Rayne about it and I have a good idea now.  I'll post it here (if I can figure out how) in a day or two.

I have a lot more I could say, I'm just too tired to say it.  Tomorrow I'm meeting with my adviser to talk about what classes I'm going to take next semester.

Have a great Thursday,
Rachel

Workout Woes, Leadership Thoughts

Hey everybody,
As you probably know, in high school, I was a swimmer.  Or a drowner, I guess that might be more accurate for a person on the swim team who can't really swim.  Anyway, I bring this up because swimming is the only workout that I semi-enjoy.  So I bought this cheap Speedo swimming suit the other day and looked up when free lap swim is at the school's pool.  Today I got the suit in the mail and went for the first time.

You know how they say it's as easy as riding a bike?  And once you learn how to ride a bike, you never forget? I don't think swimming is that way.  I am not nearly as good as I once was.  I barely swam 1000m today, but I stayed in the pool for 45 minutes and now I am VERY sore.

I think I might be sabotaging my own exercising efforts...I keep doing different workouts, running, pilates, step aerobics, cycling, weights, just so I don't get bored.  But I don't do anything regularly enough to get good at it!  Ugh.  Okay, I'm done complaining about workouts.

Other than that, I've had a great day today.  Very busy this week, but I got over 2 hours of FFA study in.  I found a lot of great stuff in "Encouraging the Heart."  I don't feel like commenting on them, so I'm just going to copy down the quotes.  Enjoy.

"You cannot lead out of someone else's experience.  You can only lead out of your own."

 "It's not so much what we do as what we are that counts....People learn-and respond to- what we are....All the techniques and all the tools that fill the pages of all the management and leadership books...are not substitutes for who and what you are."

"Finding your voice is absolutely critical to becoming an authentic leader.  If you can't find your own true voice, you end up with a vocabulary that belongs to someone else, mouthing words that were written by some speech writer who's nothing like you at all."

"Don't confuse leadership with position and place.  Don't confuse it with structures and systems, or tools and techniques.  They're not what earn you the respect and commitment of your constituents.  What earns you their respect in the end is whether you are what you say you are, and whether what you are embodies what they want to become."

Have a great day,
Rachel

Still Hating, Playing Dress Up, Altruistic, Changing Up the Study Routine

Hey guys,

For the record, I still hate working out.  I know I need to be healthy, I know I need to take care of my body, nd I know that requires exercise, but I still hate it!  I'm trying to amend my goal a little though.  My goal before was to work out 3 times a week, an hour each time.  I think for me, it might be better to say I'd like to exercise 2 hours a week, either by going to a forty-five minute class three times, or working out for a half hour four times.  Anyway, I'm making progress, even if I don't reach my goal every week.  It's better than not working out at all.

All right, here's another make-up attempt.  Green eyeliner, brown eyeshadow and mascara.  I wouldn't do my hair like this for National Office obviously, but I like to do it now, even though I've been told it makes me look like an anime character. :)

By the way, today's word is altruistic.  I first heard this word in the movie adaptation of "The Grinch Who Stole Christmas," doesn't it sound like a Dr. Suess word?  It's an adjective which means unselfishly concerned for or devoted to the welfare of others, as in:  Giving blood at a blood drive is an altruistic thing to do. (which is what I did on Monday, by the way.  :)  My arm makes me look like I've been shooting up drugs, but I sure was altruistic!) 


This week I've been doing less studying of FFA while I focus on finishing up school.  The study I have been doing is more reading and studying about myself and blogging.  I think that really is more helpful for me.  This summer I'm thinking of just dedicating a day to work on memorizing facts, and the rest of the week to studying myself.


Have a happy Friday tomorrow,
Rachel

Repose, More Make-Up, Influence

Hey everyone,
In honor of what a restful and relaxing day I've had, today's word is repose.  It can be used as a noun or a verb, meaning the state of rest, peace, and tranquility, or the act of resting or refreshing oneself, as in: After a long day of schoolwork, I long to go to find repose.  Because I have only a few classes on Fridays, I have time repose and ponder.

Yes, today has been a very reposeful day.  I even slept in this morning, but I still got up in time to follow through on my April goal and dress up.  I did my make up totally different.  I am out of eyeliner so I just skipped it, used light pink eyeshadow and lip gloss.  Pretty simple, but I'm not sure what I think.  Do light colors make me look washed out?  Or like a little girl?  Is lip gloss professional?  If not, does anyone have any tips for picking a good color of lipstick?

I hope I don't look like a crazy person in this picture, because I took a lot of pictures and I looked all kinds of insane in most of them.

I also took a picture of my whole outfit, just because I was so cute today, and I never wear dresses to school.

Speaking of goals, I forced myself to go to a class at the gym last night and work out.  It was hard and I didn't like it.  Does exercising ever get easier? 

Before I went to work out though, I had a great video conference with Rayne.  We've been focusing on...talking.   That sounds weird, but we're trying to make my answers to interview questions less robotic and more heart-felt and sincere...so we're just discussing things right now so I can talk freely without being nervous, and then we'll incorporate what we've gone over into the interview session.

Yesterday we talked a lot about influence.  Rayne asked me what I thought the word meant.  The first thing that popped into my head was the ever-repeated quote during my year in State Office:

"Leadership is Influence!"

So that's what I said.  But just to clarify, according to Dictonary.com, influence is the action or process of producing effects on the actions, behavior, opinions, etc., of another or others.  So then we talked about how I want to influence others in life and as a potential National Officer.  It quickly became apparent that I want to influence others because of the influence others have had on me.

Then Rayne asked me to come up with three people who have influenced my life the most.  Can you think of three off the top of your head?  Neither could I!  I've only lived a little over 19 years, and I still find it hard to pick just three people who have changed my life significantly.  I came up with two as we were talking and thought of the third later.

I'd like to share a little bit about these people and the effect they've had on my life.  But first, a *Disclaimer*:  If I were to answer this question completely honestly, probably all three people would be members of my family, since they've known me longer than anyone.  However, if I were asked this question by a member of the nominating committee, I would diversify my answer so that I mentioned people who have affected me in different areas of my life. So that's why this answer may not be exactly the top three people, but these people have changed my life significantly.

3.  Sara Kenley: I grew up with Sara.  We are 1 year and 4 days apart and have the same middle name.  We both love singing, acting, playing the piano, jazz music, and sleep overs.   Although Sara is my cousin, I think that more importantly, she's my best friend.

I always have loved to be around Sara because we are so similar in our interests and senses of humor (which can be pretty weird sometimes).  Sara has seen me at my best and at my worst, and she still likes to hang out with me.

I like to think that Sara is exactly like me- except when it comes to the aspects of my personality which could be improved upon: meaning simply that Sara isn't bossy and she doesn't have a short temper like I do.  This is great because that means she can call me out on those things, and she's constantly making me a better person.  I want to work to minimize those negative aspects of myself and becoming more compassionate and patient like she is.  Because we think and act alike in many situations, I feel like Sara really understands how I feel better than anyone else I know.  I'm so glad that Sara and I are such great friends and I'm grateful for the impact she's had on my life.

2.  John Geisler: Mr. Geisler was my history and language arts teacher in seventh grade.  For the majority of his class, I wanted a different teacher.  I only signed up for his class because all my friends were doing it, and after they left I wanted out too, because it was no longer the "cool thing" (and in middle school, coolness was very important to me).  I am grateful that my parents flatly refused to let me change classes that year.  I don't know that they knew what a difference it would make in my life, they are just stubborn and live by the principle that if you sign up for something, you should see it through.

Mr. Geisler ran a "school within a school" program at my middle school.  Basically, "school within a school" is alternate teaching method where learning is primarily student interest driven and grades are downplayed.  When I started the program, I was confused and overwhelmed.  I had been taught in school up until that point to do what needed to be done in order to get an A.  Mr. Geisler, however, expected his students to work on their own and assess themselves.  It wasn't long before I started to understand the program and soon found myself delving into subjects that really interested me, including marine reptiles, greek pottery, King Tutankhamen, music composition, film, and the history of the Jewish people.  I constantly researched my topic and never actually finished a paper- since I realized that I could never finish learning about a subject.

This probably sounds like just a fun class- but to me it has been more than that.  Because of Mr. Geisler, my attitude on gaining knowledge completely changed.  My attitude towards schoolwork in high school and now college has completely altered because of that mind-opening year.  I now learn because I am hungry for knowledge, not because I'm concerned about grades.

Mr. Geisler has also been a great friend and mentor to me as I've worked through academic issues in my life.  In high school, I could always go to him for calculus help, consolation after a failed test, and a good book recommendation.  Although I rarely see him anymore, because of the year I spent as his student, Mr. Geisler greatly impacted my life.

1.  Carol Kenley: How could I talk about people who have influenced my life without talking about my mom?  My mom has made me the person that I am today and I am so thankful to her for that.

I used to think that I was just as dedicated, motivated, and hard working as my mom was and that I must have gotten those traits from her through genetics.  I realized after moving to college, however, how false that was.  I am not naturally as hard working and driven as my mother, but I have had those values drilled into me from birth.

My mom never pushed me to be involved in things, but she completely supported whatever I wanted to do.  She has always been there for me after I had a rough day at school with a big plate of cookies and a glass of milk.  She sewed three prom dresses for me and edited countless essays, articles, and scholarship applications.  She always pushed me to be the best person that I could be and practiced tough love in calling me out when she knew I was acting in a way contrary to the way I was brought up.  Now that I'm away and in college, she is never too busy to talk to me on the phone for hours advising me about classes, hearing about what I've been doing or comforting me when I'm homesick.

She is my cheerleader and my number one fan.  No matter what I am doing, win or lose, I know she will always be there for me.  I love her so much and I know I would never be the person I am today or accomplished the things that I have without her.

I hope you have some repose this weekend,
Rachel

PS- I never cry, but for some reason, lately, I tear up every time I talk about my family.  I think it has something to do with moving to Utah.  It's getting obnoxious.  I've never been such a cry baby before!