What I’ve Learned
A few days ago one of my cousins shared a Dashboard Confessional song with me. The song, ridiculously titled “Carve Your Heart Out Yourself,” was as depressing as its title and I hated it, but for some reason one of the lines got stuck in my head for the next few days:
“Man, it takes a silly girl to lie about the dreams she had…man, it takes a lonely girl to wish that she had never dreamed at all.”
Every time that line went through my head, I couldn’t help but think about how it applied to my life.
In the twelve months and over 450 hours I spent preparing to run for National Office, I learned so much. I systematically went through my entire life and philosophy, discovering who I am and what I stand for. I can now say that there is probably no job-interview-type question that I can’t answer with confidence.
I improved my public speaking skills, both prepared and extemporaneous, and I worked hard to become more effective in teaching students through facilitation. I read countless books on leadership and made weekly and monthly goals for self-improvement.
Finally, I learned everything there is to know about FFA, the agricultural education system, and current agricultural issues. When the process for running for Nationals was over, I thought this knowledge was pretty useless...but even if I don’t ever apply this knowledge again in my life, it sure has helped me in the Orientation to Agricultural Education class!
I thought that all the learning I would experience would be in preparation to run for National Office, but I was wrong. The most important thing I learned from the process- perhaps the most important thing I’ve learned thus far in my life- came after the convention.
Failing to become a National FFA Officer was the biggest disappointment I’ve ever experienced. And experiencing disappointment is not something I’m used to. I’ve always been of the opinion that hard work leads to results, and my hypothesis has never been proven incorrect until now.
Now…I’ve learned how life can be unfair. I’ve learned that I can work as hard as a possibly can, and perform as well as I possibly can, and still not get what I want. And that’s a hard thing to deal with.
For a while after National Convention, I never wanted to talk about the results. That might have been my silly way of lying about my dreams. I was too disappointed to talk about the good that came out of National Convention, and I was afraid that the people I loved would be disappointed in me.
Disappointment has taught me perspective. Although I am not happy with the results of Convention, there are people in this world who are in much worse situations than I am. It has also taught me how to be adaptable. I am naturally a very organized person who plans out her life a year in advance. My plans for 2011 included serving as a National FFA Officer, but now, I have an entire year with nothing on my calendar. I am excited to fill that calendar with new adventures and learn to be more spontaneous.
Before, during and after the National Convention, I discovered what a fantastic support system I have. I am so grateful for the friends and family that supported me in my most difficult hours.
While I was preparing for the convention, I constantly reminded myself of why I was sacrificing so much for my dreams by reading this quote by Arnold Bennett: “The real tragedy is the tragedy of the man who never in his life braves himself for his one supreme effort- he never stretches to his full capacity, never stands up to his full stature.” I am glad that I had the opportunity to run for National Office. It was something I was scared to do, and something that I wasn’t sure I could do-but I’m glad that I stretched myself to reach for dreams, even though those dreams weren’t fully realized.
What I learned from my experience was more than just facts and figures about agriculture and FFA. I learned true leadership in being gracious in defeat and working to support those who are have been selected. I learned empathy for people who have and will fail in life. I learned perspective. I learned the value of hard work, and I am learning how to overcome challenges. I can't say I've learned that yet, because here I am, wondering what's next and trying not to feel like life as I knew it is now over. I know that someday soon I'll look back on this period of life and think about how hard it was, and be grateful for the opportunity I had to learn all of this. I'm not at that point yet, but I'm getting there slowly and surely.
I used to think that it would have been better to avoid this pain and wish that I had never applied for National Office. But now, I am glad for the opportunity to learn. And do I wish that I had never dreamed at all? Definitely not.
