Final Essay

Here's a version of what I wrote yesterday...more polished and essay-like.  l promise this is my last post here.  Enjoy!

What I’ve Learned

A few days ago one of my cousins shared a Dashboard Confessional song with me.  The song, ridiculously titled “Carve Your Heart Out Yourself,” was as depressing as its title and I hated it, but for some reason one of the lines got stuck in my head for the next few days:

“Man, it takes a silly girl to lie about the dreams she had…man, it takes a lonely girl to wish that she had never dreamed at all.”

Every time that line went through my head, I couldn’t help but think about how it applied to my life. 

In the twelve months and over 450 hours I spent preparing to run for National Office, I learned so much.  I systematically went through my entire life and philosophy, discovering who I am and what I stand for.  I can now say that there is probably no job-interview-type question that I can’t answer with confidence.

I improved my public speaking skills, both prepared and extemporaneous, and I worked hard to become more effective in teaching students through facilitation.  I read countless books on leadership and made weekly and monthly goals for self-improvement. 

Finally, I learned everything there is to know about FFA, the agricultural education system, and current agricultural issues.  When the process for running for Nationals was over, I thought this knowledge was pretty useless...but even if I don’t ever apply this knowledge again in my life, it sure has helped me in the Orientation to Agricultural Education class!

I thought that all the learning I would experience would be in preparation to run for National Office, but I was wrong.  The most important thing I learned from the process- perhaps the most important thing I’ve learned thus far in my life- came after the convention.

Failing to become a National FFA Officer was the biggest disappointment I’ve ever experienced.  And experiencing disappointment is not something I’m used to.  I’ve always been of the opinion that hard work leads to results, and my hypothesis has never been proven incorrect until now. 

Now…I’ve learned how life can be unfair.  I’ve learned that I can work as hard as a possibly can, and perform as well as I possibly can, and still not get what I want.  And that’s a hard thing to deal with.

For a while after National Convention, I never wanted to talk about the results.  That might have been my silly way of lying about my dreams.  I was too disappointed to talk about the good that came out of National Convention, and I was afraid that the people I loved would be disappointed in me.

Disappointment has taught me perspective.  Although I am not happy with the results of Convention, there are people in this world who are in much worse situations than I am.   It has also taught me how to be adaptable.  I am naturally a very organized person who plans out her life a year in advance.  My plans for 2011 included serving as a National FFA Officer, but now, I have an entire year with nothing on my calendar.  I am excited to fill that calendar with new adventures and learn to be more spontaneous.

Before, during and after the National Convention, I discovered what a fantastic support system I have.  I am so grateful for the friends and family that supported me in my most difficult hours.

While I was preparing for the convention, I constantly reminded myself of why I was sacrificing so much for my dreams by reading this quote by Arnold Bennett: “The real tragedy is the tragedy of the man who never in his life braves himself for his one supreme effort- he never stretches to his full capacity, never stands up to his full stature.”  I am glad that I had the opportunity to run for National Office.  It was something I was scared to do, and something that I wasn’t sure I could do-but I’m glad that I stretched myself to reach for dreams, even though those dreams weren’t fully realized.

What I learned from my experience was more than just facts and figures about agriculture and FFA.  I learned true leadership in being gracious in defeat and working to support those who are have been selected.  I learned empathy for people who have and will fail in life.  I learned perspective.  I learned the value of hard work, and I am learning how to overcome challenges.  I can't say I've learned that yet, because here I am, wondering what's next and trying not to feel like life as I knew it is now over.  I know that someday soon I'll look back on this period of life and think about how hard it was, and be grateful for the opportunity I had to learn all of this.  I'm not at that point yet, but I'm getting there slowly and surely.

I used to think that it would have been better to avoid this pain and wish that I had never applied for National Office.  But now, I am glad for the opportunity to learn.  And do I wish that I had never dreamed at all?  Definitely not. 

The End...or Perhaps Just the Beginning

This post is long overdue.  National Convention over a month ago, but as this is my last post on this blog, I wanted to make sure I did it right.  I wanted to make sure I wrote it in the right mindset and that I did the whole process, from start to finish, justice.  So here goes:

Actually, I didn't want to write this post at all.  I wanted to end this blog with a link to the press release that announced me as a new National Officer, with plenty of exclamation marks.  And I don't know that I am in the right "mindset," whatever that is.  I'm certainly not over my vast disappointment yet...and I'm not sure when I will be.  That's another reason why I hadn't written this post for so long: because I just didn't want to.  I didn't want to have to acknowledge my disappointment and let everyone down.  It was easier to leave up my last post, full of optimism, to leave everyone with a sense of hope for the future that I no longer have.

And right now, I probably wouldn't even be writing this, except that I kind of have to, due to an awesome thing called 4 credits of Independent Study "Special Projects in Agriculture" and my final assignment: a report on what I learned from running for National Office.  So I'm using this blog as a rough draft, to get all my good, bad and ugly feelings out there so that tomorrow I can sort them out into a profound little final paper.  Here goes:

A "Dashboard Confessional" song that I listened to recently features this line: "Man, it takes a silly girl to lie about the dreams she has.  Man, it takes a lonely girl to wish that she had never dreamed at all."  For some reason that line got stuck in my head and I couldn't help but think, "Am I that girl?"

I don't know that I lie about my dreams...but I certainly don't run about campus telling everyone I see "Hey guess what? It's been my dream to be a National Officer for three years and I tried and I totally failed!"  Nope.  I don't mention it.  And if someone brings it up I quickly sweep it under the rug, and say I'm fine, and say I "learned a lot" and all that stuff that people expect me to say.  I don't say I'm still disappointed....that I wake up almost every morning and remember that I'm probably never going to run up on the National stage after they've called my name and put on that jacket with nothing written on the back.  That's the stuff I don't talk about.  But that's the most important thing that I'm learning.

I feel like I'm living some kind of "scenes unseen" life, because no one ever tells you about this part of life.  All the stories are about overcoming challenges and being successful.  But no one ever tells you about what happens when you spend a year of your life dedicated to a goal, then you do the absolute best you can...then fail.  No one ever tells you about what happens when you plan out the next year of your life, only to have everything change.Well if you're interested, I can tell you.

I've learned exactly what "disappointment"  means, because I feel it all the time.  But I'm learning to use perspective.  Definitely a buzz word in my life right now...I could have it worse, much worse.  And, there are about thirty other people who probably feel just about as terrible as I do.  Like my mom said, I do't like this feeling, but would I wish it on anyone else?  Definitely not.

Enough of the whining.  Let's get to the learning!  I'm learning to be a lot more adaptable- it comes along with the whole "having all your plans for the next year frustrated" thing.  Unlike last year at this time, I don't have the next two years of my life planned out- I'm pretty clueless.  It's scary, but it's also kind of exhilarating.  And although one very big, really cool door has closed, a lot of other doors have opened up.  Like working at the Division again this summer.  And travelling the world.  And continuing my college education.  Whatever I want, really.  I'm committed to flying by the seat of my pants for all of next year and learning more in the process.

I've also been privileged to discover what a wonderful support system I have.  All during the week of finals, my phone was barraged with text messages wishing me luck, telling me to breathe, and reminding me that they believe in me.  My email inbox was constantly full and I know that the airwaves to above were filled with prayers.  And I know that even after the fact, none of those wonderful people in my life were ever disappointed in me.  I'm so grateful for that.

I also have thirty-five brand new friends- people who understand better than anyone what it takes to run for National Office and what it feels like to not make it.  I'm so grateful for that.

What I learned from my experience was more than just facts and figures about agriculture and FFA.  I learned true leadership in being gracious in defeat and working to support those who are have been selected.  I learned empathy for people who have and will fail in life.  I learned perspective.  I learned the value of hard work, and I am learning how to overcome challenges.  I can't say I've learned that yet, because here I am, wondering what's next and trying not to feel like life as I knew it is now over.  I know that someday soon I'll look back on this period of life and think about how hard it was, and be grateful for the opportunity I had to learn all of this.  I'm not at that point yet, but I'm getting there slowly and surely.

So do I wish I had never dreamed at all?  Definitely not.
Rachel

"I just need to blog, blog it out!"

Pheeeeeeewwww.

My counter is annoying me.  I try not to look at it. I hate it.

Something awful is happening to me.  Whenever I think about National Office, which is basically all the time, and especially when I'm studying (which should be all the time...I'm working on that) my stomach gets all knotted up and I feel sick.  A few minutes ago I had to skip one of my favorite songs, "The Contradiction," on my iPod, because it was making me anxious.  The worst part is, my iPod is only playing songs from my "classical genre."
Here it goes again.  Apparently I can't listen to Piano Concerto No. 1 in B Flat Minor either...

Any hints or tips for overcoming the worst case of nerves you've ever had?  Pre-nerves, because I'm not even at convention yet?

I don't understand.  I planned to feel 12,000 percent prepared by this point.  And now (almost) 350 hours later, I feel so panicky.  So I just had to stop for a minute and blog.  Yes, this is taking away from actual time that I could be immersing my poor swollen brain in more facts, so it seems contradictory.  But I can't focus.

So I need to just take a minute and remember why I'm doing this.  Because is it to be a National Officer?  Is that my goal, my end all, be all, or my entire life?  Because it shouldn't be.  My goal is to be me.  To be the very best version of me that I can possibly be, and that me is a helpful, kind, compassionate, friendly me.  I want to make a difference in people's lives.  FFA member's lives, yes, but beyond that- people's lives.  And if I don't become a National Officer, I'm still going to accomplish that goal.  So there's no pressure, really, because my goal is one hundred percent achievable and I have the rest of my life to attain it.

I'm not ready for National Convention right now, this very second.  But lucky for me, convention is still a little ways away,  So talk to me 150 hours from now.  And then I'll be as ready as I ever hoped to be.  Of course, there will always be something more I could have done, but I'm not sure how much difference it would have made anyway.  I have a little ways to go, but I've come a long ways since last November.

Here's a poem I found on Bethany Bohnenblust's National Officer blog today.

Fresh Start

Here marks a fresh start

a new freedom for my heart

My chance at being me,

doing what I want, totally free.

And it won't be a big deal.

It's nothing like I thought,

I survived the battles I fought.

My thoughts are all gone,

like the night at down.

My soul is free of sorrow,

I'll do what I want tomorrow.

I can't be held or bound.

I will spread my wings and leave this ground.

Distraction has no control.

My life will no longer be dull.

I will have the power.

I'll pass the highest tower.

Don't try to stop me now,

'Cause you won't know how.

For I will be totally free.

And I'll be one hundred percent me!

by xO

And here's a quote she posted as well:

"I have always been delighted at a prospect of a new day, a fresh try, one more start with perhaps a big of magic waiting somewhere behind the morning." ~Joseph Priestly

My goal for September (I just decided, two minutes ago) is to be calm.  Reflecting on what I've written here can help me to do that.  I love that I have tomorrow to improve: to focus more, to be more productive, to be more outgoing, to be more calm, and to be a better me.  I'm so grateful for my savior's atonement that allows me endless and constant "do-overs" in my life.  Tomorrow I will not feel this way.  Tomorrow will be better.

While I'm talking about myself and how I be myself, I guess I'll post this poem as well.  It was originally sent to one of my co-workers, the wonderful Patricia, and it describes her perfectly.  I read it and loved it and stole it.  I hope it describes me as well.  I've always felt that hard work is a solution for everything.

To be of Use
The people I love the best
jump into work head first
without dallying in the shallows
and swim off with sure strokes almost out of sight.
They seem to become natives of that element,
the black sleek heads of seals
bouncing like half submerged balls.

I love people who harness themselves, an ox to a heavy cart,
who pull like water buffalo, with massive patience,
who strain in the mud and the muck to move things forward,
who do what has to be done, again and again.

I want to be with people who submerge
in the task, who go into the fields to harvest
and work in a row and pass the bags along,
who stand in the line and haul in their places,
who are not parlor generals and field deserters
but move in a common rhythm
when the food must come in or the fire be put out.

The work of the world is common as mud.
Botched, it smears the hands, crumbles to dust.
But the thing worth doing well done
has a shape that satisfies, clean and evident.
Greek amphoras for wine or oil,
Hopi vases that held corn, are put in museums
but you know they were made to be used.
The pitcher cries for water to carry
and a person for work that is real.

by Marge Piercy

So my plan for the rest of today: read The Leadership Challenge and skim through The Arsenal again.  Have a little fun today.  Tomorrow I'm spending as much time as I can handle here at the library, delving head-first into Hot Topics 101!  I'd like to study all day Monday as well, I think most of my roommates are going home...but I don't have internet at the condo yet, and nothing on campus will be open.  Anyone know of a good internet cafe?

One of the most gorgeous views on Earth, at the Pettit farm.  Mmm, I feel calmer already...

Have a great long weekend.  I'll be studying.

Love, Rachel

The Wonder of People

I was hoping that I would have a video of the speech I gave to the rotary today to put in this post. After all, I thought, this will be the third time I give it and it should be the best.

Well, I wouldn't say it was the best.  And I forgot the camera.  Not at home, but at work.  Bummer, because I would really have liked to review it to see if I was talking as fast as I thought I was, among other things.

But that's all I'm going to say about the speech- it went well but it certainly could have gone better.  I don't blame myself for that- given all that was going on yesterday I didn't have much time to go over it and I hadn't given it in over a month.

Somehow though, I learned so much from going to that Rotary meeting, and even though life has been rough lately, I walked out feeling like I had the world on a string.  So here's what happened:

I went into the building just before the meeting started, and as usual went through the awkward before-people-get-their-meal part of the meeting when everyone is connecting with old friends and I am obviously an outsider.  That didn't last long however, as soon as I got my food and sat down, John Klapperich came up to me.

I don't know if this man has ever met me.  He acted like we'd been friends for years, but that could be just his personality.  Anyway, he comes over and introduces himself and says things like, "Rachel!  Superstar Rachel! Can I please sit next to you?"  So I promised him I'd save him a seat, and he went to get his food.  When he came back he talked to me about myself.  But it didn't end there.  One by one, Mr. Klapperich connected with every person at the table.  It was like watching a video of the leadership books I've been reading- Mr. Klapperich totally follows the thirty-second rule (Maxwell writes whenever you meet someone you should say something nice about them within the first 30 seconds of your conversation).  Literally, the dialog went like this:

 "Rachel, I am so excited you're here, I've been looking forward to hearing you speak today."

"Linda, at work I was reading about charity events, and I noticed your business was a sponsor for almost all of them.  Your name was everywhere and I thought, 'she really is a good person.' "

"Mike, over here, sit by me!  I know you have to eat quickly to start the meeting, can I pour your water?"

And on and on he went, addressing each person at our table.  I had been feeling a little nervous earlier, but he made me feel completely comfortable, and I thought, What a nice guy.

It didn't end there though.  At Wasilla Rotary they have an "inspirational moment," which I think is kind of like a seminary devotional of sorts.  The gentlemen who gave it was named David, and he's actually the guy that helped line me up to speak at the Wasilla Rotary in the first place.  I wish now I knew his last name...I think it's Johnson.

So David gets up and says that the people in Rotary are his inspiration, and then begins naming a few names of people and why they inspire him.  I thought he'd pick out a few of the well-known members...but he didn't do that at all.  He went through every table and named every member and guest by first name, then added why they inspired him. Every person in the room.  I was floored.

While announcements were going on and before my speech, Mr. Klapperich handed me 15 out of the 20 split the pot tickets he had purchased.  I didn't know what to say.  Then he silently filled up my empty water glass.

The time of the meeting came around for me to give my speech, and it was a little rough.  But by the crowd's reaction, you would have thought I had just solved the world's hunger crisis.  As soon as I finished, Mr. Klapperich all but yelled, "She's got my vote!"

I sat down and they did the drawing for the split the pot, and none of my fifteen tickets were chosen.  No sooner were the winning numbers announced than I heard a woman I've never met say, "I'm donating it to the Rachel Kenley Campaign Fund."

Just so there's no confusion- I definitely do not have a campaign fund.  And I tried to refuse the money, but of course she wouldn't let me.  So I'm very grateful to this woman (whose name I never got) for her $40 contribution to success.  It will pay for 40% of my tuition for a training weekend I'm going to attend.

After the split the pot came Happy Bucks. If you've never been to a Rotary meeting, Happy Bucks is the section of the meeting where people can express something that makes them happy and donate money to the club.  Almost everyone who stood up donated a happy buck because of my mediocre speech.  Their comments were so uplifting and encouraging.  Here are a few of my favorites (paraphrased, because I don't have an impeccable memory):

"Rachel, your speech inspired me and I can't wait to see where you are in ten years.  I hope you'll come back and share with us the rest of your adventure."

"I so enjoyed Rachel's speech, and she reminded me that as I'm starting a new business, the challenges will make it successful, because we learn by making mistakes."

"For two years of my life I lived in Enterprise, Alabama, and I know the story of the monument to the boll weevil.  I loved the way you included it in your speech."

"My father was a cotton and a soybean farmer in the south, so I understand how hard the transition was.  Thank you for the speech.  You are a truly beautiful speaker and I wish you the best of luck."

And this last one was great- no offense to the other candidates of course:
"I say, those other 51 candidates should be scared."

I have never received so much praise concentrated on me at one time in my life.  I wanted to cry out, "Stop, stop, my head will inflate and explode!"  But honestly, it felt so good.  I felt like these random strangers really believed in me- so I could believe in myself.  They showed me so much kindness.

After the meeting was over, Mr. Klapperich asked me how he could help me, and offered to do an interview with me on his radio station.  Then he asked me more about the selection process, and finally asked me a two-fold question:  "Why do you want to be a National Officer?  What skills do you have that would make you successful in this position?"

My stomach flipped over as I thought, this is it.  This is the question, the 'why are you running for National Office question!  And I said, "I think I would be a great National Officer because I have good communication skills.  I've always been able to talk to people easily and I want to use that skill to connect with other members.  And I want to be a National Officer because I feel like I have been blessed by so many National Officers in my own life.  They have inspired me and helped me to become the person I am today.  And I feel that since I have the skills and opportunity to become a National Officer, I have a responsibility to turn around and be a role model- to do for younger FFA members what was done for me."

Then Mr. Klapperich said, "Kid, I'll see you at the top, and I mean the top!"

Even though my speech wasn't flawless today, I walked out of that meeting feeling, well, like John C. Maxwell puts it, like a million bucks.  The members of that Rotary club made me feel like a million bucks.  And they reminded me why I'm putting all this time into studying- it's not to know every fact about FFA history, or to be able to memorize a perfect and polished speech- it's to connect with others and to serve them.

So thanks, Wasilla Rotary, for being living examples of who I want to be.  You made my day fantastic.
Rachel

Frustration and Facilitation

Hey guys,
It's a beautiful sunny day outside and I should be happy.  But I feel upset and discouraged.  In bullet form here's why:

• Yesterday I spent a loooong time trying to make my video for state convention in Alaska- which starts tomorrow.  After burning my ankle with my overheated laptop (seriously!) I finally figured out what I wanted to say and how, and got a good recording, but the audio doesn't sync up with the video, and for the life of me, I can't figure out how to get it to.  Unless anyone has any tech-knowledge I don't, I won't have a video for convention. :(
• I thought I had my class schedule all worked out yesterday, only to find out today that I can't take one of the classes I wanted to, so it's back to the drawing board.  Registering for classes is made infinitely more difficult when I have to check with each teacher and ask, "Would it be okay if I had to drop out of your class three weeks early?"  I abhor it.  And I wonder if I really am making the right choice by taking an easy semester.
• Today I volunteered to help judge the Agricultural Communications CDE.  It took over an hour longer than it was supposed to, and because I was 2 seconds too late for Media Smarts, I missed class and a quiz.  And my project due Thursday is not even close to being done!
• Buying new make up doesn't make me any better at putting it on.

...and other things.  But hey, I know from experience that dwelling on what gets me down never does anything to help me get back down.  I know this is just the first of many times I will doubt what I'm doing, feel down on myself, even consider quitting.  But I'm not quitting.  This is what I want and hard times only make success sweeter...right?

So let's talk about something else.  In Society and Disability class today (I did get to go to that one) we watched a video about teaching children with learning disabilities, and it made me think a lot about facilitation.  I don't blog much about facilitation right now, because I'm not doing very much of it, but that will hopefully change when I get home for the summer.

I got to present a workshop at the Utah Leadership Conference in December, before I started this blog, that helped me improve my skills quite a bit.  One thing I remember is talking with the other workshop presenters afterwards about how their workshops went, and we all had picked out the kids that were problems.  They weren't really "problems," of course, but they went against the grain- didn't play along with the games, asked too many questions, gave input that really didn't help establish the point, or what have you.  As a workshop presenter, these kids can be hard to work with, and sometimes you wish they'd just act like the others.

A leadership book I read earlier this year (and the title escapes me right now...I think it was by John C. Maxwell) presented something called the 80/20 principle, which says you should pour 80 percent of your energy into your top twenty employees/students/people.  

I usually agree with leadership books, but this principle really bothered me.  I think I'm more of a 20/80 principle type of a person.  High school kids who are juggle four after school activities, a part time job, and a 4.0 GPA don't really need me.  Of course I am going to give them as much attention as I can, but I really think my job as an FFA facilitator is to focus on those who I could really help to make important changes in their lives.

But how does that apply to facilitation?  Because like I said, those students who need the most help are typically those who "ruin" the workshop.  I keep thinking about ULC and I remember that there was an attendee there with an obvious mental disability.  I should have reached out to her, but I just ignored her.  That was so wrong.

But back to the video we watched.  It was about teaching- not facilitation.  When I was younger, I really wanted to be a teacher.  The glitter has worn off a little now, I don't think I want  a full-time career as a teacher, but I still have an interest in it.  I think that's why I was so drawn to state, and now national office- because I get to be a teacher to students without doing it full time.

I heard somewhere that a lot of kids want to be teachers when they grow up because that's the only occupation they've really been exposed to.  I also think it's because teachers have a lot of influence over their students during the year or two they have them in their care.  That's obvious for me because I picked Mr. Geisler as one of the people who has had the most influence in my life.

Teachers can do a lot of good, and a lot of harm, to their students.  I remember Mr. Geisler and all the great things he did for me, but the two other very vivid memories I have from middle school are from 6th and 8th grade, when two very well-meaning and good teachers hurt my feelings and made me cry because of some faulty teaching techniques.  

I don't blame those teachers at all, it was honest mistake and I still hold them in the highest regard.  But what I remember is not all the days of excellent teaching- but the one day of utter humiliation and embarrassment.  I think sometimes teachers don't realize how their teaching tactics really effect students, which is what the movie focused on.  The "teacher" in the video illustrated some things that teachers typically do that don't make sense, such as punishing or bribing students to answer questions they honestly cannot answer.  

What I got from this is that you can't beat a dead horse.  If I'm trying to make a point in a workshop, and it isn't working, I'll just have to switch tacts and be adaptable.  I'm not perfect- I certainly don't claim to be.  I had a few moments at ULC where I felt like I really got through to the students and did some last minute changes to my workshop which really worked well.  Other moments, I ended up looking like an idiot.

To wrap up, my philosophy on workshops is to be adaptable.  I'm going to focus on trying to reach all the students, not just the high achievers.  I'm going to try to always uplift and never degrade, because I certainly don't want student's only experience with me to be one they remember because I was mean to them.

I hope the rest of your Tuesday is great, and here's hoping mine gets a little better too,

Rachel

Workout Woes, Leadership Thoughts

Hey everybody,
As you probably know, in high school, I was a swimmer.  Or a drowner, I guess that might be more accurate for a person on the swim team who can't really swim.  Anyway, I bring this up because swimming is the only workout that I semi-enjoy.  So I bought this cheap Speedo swimming suit the other day and looked up when free lap swim is at the school's pool.  Today I got the suit in the mail and went for the first time.

You know how they say it's as easy as riding a bike?  And once you learn how to ride a bike, you never forget? I don't think swimming is that way.  I am not nearly as good as I once was.  I barely swam 1000m today, but I stayed in the pool for 45 minutes and now I am VERY sore.

I think I might be sabotaging my own exercising efforts...I keep doing different workouts, running, pilates, step aerobics, cycling, weights, just so I don't get bored.  But I don't do anything regularly enough to get good at it!  Ugh.  Okay, I'm done complaining about workouts.

Other than that, I've had a great day today.  Very busy this week, but I got over 2 hours of FFA study in.  I found a lot of great stuff in "Encouraging the Heart."  I don't feel like commenting on them, so I'm just going to copy down the quotes.  Enjoy.

"You cannot lead out of someone else's experience.  You can only lead out of your own."

 "It's not so much what we do as what we are that counts....People learn-and respond to- what we are....All the techniques and all the tools that fill the pages of all the management and leadership books...are not substitutes for who and what you are."

"Finding your voice is absolutely critical to becoming an authentic leader.  If you can't find your own true voice, you end up with a vocabulary that belongs to someone else, mouthing words that were written by some speech writer who's nothing like you at all."

"Don't confuse leadership with position and place.  Don't confuse it with structures and systems, or tools and techniques.  They're not what earn you the respect and commitment of your constituents.  What earns you their respect in the end is whether you are what you say you are, and whether what you are embodies what they want to become."

Have a great day,
Rachel

Breeding Tests at Broadbent Ranch

Hey all,

This is what my Saturday looked like:

How was yours? 

Students in my Animal Science Class, and the entire Sheep Production Class (about 120 kids overall) went to the Broadbent Ranch in Granger, Wyoming to do breeding soundness tests on their 500+ rams.  It was a ton of fun!

It was so nice to be around sheep again, to learn new things, and to make new friends.  But I am getting ahead of myself.  Let me tell you about the trip from the beginning.

I woke up at 5 am so that I could get to the Wool Lab to meet everyone and we could leave by 5:30.  Of course, some people were not so timely, so we didn't get on the road until a little after 6.

I slept on the ride down, until we got to a McDonalds somewhere in the middle of nowhere, Wyoming.  I wish I had taken a picture.  They had seats in the play center that were saddles.

We finally got to Broadbent Ranch at around 9:45 and started working immediately.  The only problem, at the beginning, was that I didn't know what to do and how to do it.  And nobody told me.

So let me describe the first part of the day, because it was difficult and made the rest of the day that much better.  And it taught me something profound about leadership that I will discuss a little later.

While everyone scurried around and got into groups and began grabbing rams and performing the tests that they had learned in sheep production class, I stood there wondering where I could go and what I could do to not be in the way.

The supervisor of shots and drenching then rounded up all the students in the Intro to Animal Science Class.  She gave us jobs to spray the sheep with color (I'm sure it wasn't spray paint, though that's what it looked like) after they were vaccinated and de-wormed.  Unfortunately, the work was fast and the supervisor wasn't very clear in her directions to me and the other person working with her.  I took about, oh, five seconds for her to become frustrated with us.  Then she told us to follow her and on the way a student tried to recruit me to "Drench" sheep and even put a backpack of chemicals on me, before Doc (that's my teacher) explained that I was in the introductory class and didn't know how.  Then Doc stole me to help herd the rams into the corral, which made my supervisor really mad.  So I went to herd sheep, and in about three minutes later my partner Jacquelyn joined me with the other sheep herders, saying that the supervisor had become so frustrated that she had "fired" her.  

Sheep herding turned out to be standing around like sub-par fences for about an hour.  We felt so useless.  At one point, someone walked by and asked how we got lucky enough to be sheepherders, and I answered, "Because we don't know how to do anything else.  We're incompetent."  And that's how I felt.  It got worse when one (giant) ram slipped by me and I heard another supervisor yell, "Doc, I need another student there, this one can't do the job."    

Luckily, my experience got dramatically better when all the sheep were herded into the corral.  Then I went to Doc and asked him for a new job, and he assigned me to work with an exceptionally nice group of girls.  These girls included me in everything, taught me what I didn't know, and generally believed that I was capable of helping.  Pretty soon, I was able to perform almost every test and flip the rams with only one other person helping.  

I won't elaborate on the tests we were performing- they were kind of gross.  But it was so fun for me to be around animals again!  I didn't even mind getting manure ALL over me, because it's just helping season in my Carhartts. :)

When we finished, the sheep looked like this: pretty colorful!  The purple streaks signify the rams have been de-wormed, the orange that they have been vaccinated, and the red and green signify their performance in the breeding exams.

After we finished all the tests (in record time, I might add) we ate some Dutch oven food.  On top  is mutton stew.  I don't particularly like mutton, I've decided.  On bottom is the yummy peach cobbler we got for desert, plus a great view of my dirty legs and trashed boots.

Well I said I was going to make a point about leadership, and I am.  I had two totally different experiences at that ranch in one day.  The first part of the day I felt like I was in the way of everyone.  I was totally inconvenient and people treated me like it was easier to ignore me or to yell at me than to teach me.  The second part of the day, my group members believed in me and gave me every opportunity to learn.  Even when I made mistakes, they knew that it was just because I was still learning and gave me the benefit of the doubt instead of writing me off as worthless.

Having been treated both ways, I now know how I want to treat people.  From now on, I will help people to learn and believe the best about them.  I will not let my impatience govern the way I treat others.  

Phew, this is a huge post!  I have a really funny story to tell about this trip, but I'll save it for another post.

Have a great week!

Rachel

Keeping Commitments: i.e. Real Study

Hey everybody,
Last week was Spring Break, which explains my lack of posting and Word of the Days.  I spent it in Boston with my sister Melissa and her family, and one of my good friends Madison. It was great fun, but I didn't do anything very agricultural while I was there to report on. :)

Before I left though,. I had an experience that I really wanted to blog about, but didn't get a chance to (my parents were in town and my brother was getting married...it was busy). So, I'll tell you about it now.

Thursday night, (March 11) I finished a long and very good video conference with my coach Rayne.  I was excited to get to work on some new projects and do some studying that evening.  The problem was, I already had plans for that night.

Let me give you some background information:  I love working with students with disabilities.  It's an interest of mine, I thought I might even major in Special Education.  Anyway, I work with students in my Society and Disability class at the university, and also in a "reverse mainstream" religion class.

One student, named Brian, has become a good friend of mine.  I work with him every Tuesday studying the Book of Mormon, and we have a lot of fun together.  I try not to miss that class very often because it makes Brian very sad.  Last Tuesday, (March 9) he asked me to come to a special needs talent show he (and many of the other students with disabilities) would be performing in.  I told him that I would borrow my brother's car or find a ride and that I would be there, for sure.  I even made a pinky promise on it.

Well, Thursday night came and I had arranged for my brother Calvin to pick me up and take me to the talent show.  The problem was, I just didn't feel like going. I had a ton of laundry to do, my room was a mess, I needed to pack for Boston, and I had a lot of FFA studying to do to make up for the time I'd miss on Spring Break.  I thought to myself, "I'm just too busy, I can't make it."  That, and I just didn't want to go, because sitting alone at a talent show didn't sound like much fun.  I've never much liked talent shows.

I grabbed my cell phone to call Calvin and tell him not to pick me up, and started to close the browsers on my laptop.  As I scrolled over my blog, I noticed my entry from just a few days ago, and read the following:

"And today's word is livid, an adjective which means enraged or furiously angry, as in: When people break promises or fail to follow through with their commitments, it makes me livid!"

I had just written about how angry it makes me when people don't follow through with commitments, and  yet I was about to break my promise to Brian.  How hypocritical I had become!

Studying, I realized, is not just learning and memorizing facts, answering interview questions, and looking professional.  It's also having character, being the best person you can be and doing what you say you will do.  I knew that, I try to work on that with my monthly goals, but I guess I had forgotten.

So, I called Calvin and told him to pick me up- I would go to the talent show.  I knew I was doing the right thing, but I still felt like I was wasting some of my precious time.  So I brought a leadership book and thought maybe I could read a bit when the show got especially dull.

I'm so glad I went.  The moment the show started, I caught on to the spirit of the audience, which seemed to have one goal: make every performer feel like a super star.  The emcee was great as well, making everyone laugh and he connected so well with all the kids.

The show was over 2 hours long, but I didn't get out my book ever.  The talent show was really fun, and I felt great about keeping my promise.  Seeing Brian's face afterward, when he saw that I had come, was well worth it.

In conclusion: studying to me means becoming who I want to be.  So when I tell the Nominating Committee that I'm a person who keeps their promises, I want it to be a true statement.

Speaking of promises, I promised Lori that I would finish the State Convention article tomorrow...so I have to do it now!  Life is hectic, but I love it. :)

Have a nice night, I'll blog more later,
Rachel

Real Leadership

I've been debating whether to post this here, but I've been thinking a lot about it and I think it applies to my philosophy on leadership, and just on life in general, so I decided to put it up.

Today I got to see Kelie Babcock speak at the Business building.  Kelie is the daughter of Lara and Mike Babcock- who were great friends with my parents in high school.  The Kenleys and Babcocks go way back, because the Babcocks used to live right next to us when my older siblings were growing up.  Although I never really knew them growing up, we went on a few family vacations with them and we always get their Christmas letter.

Anyway, Kelie is 27 and was born with Escobar syndrome.  Because of this, she needs to be hooked up to a ventilator and gets around using a wheelchair.  She was recently crowned Miss Wheelchair Utah.

Her message today was on living with a disability and making the most out of life, no matter what your situation is.  Her platform for the Miss Wheelchair Pageant was "You are unique.  Live it. Love it.  Rock it!"

What an awesome message!  Although we are not all born with disabilties- in reality few people are- we are all born unique.  We need to accept our circumstances, whatever they may be, learn to love them, and then, as Kelie says, "rock it like no one else can."

Personally, I often get discouraged by my 'uniqueness.'  I often (although I know I shouldn't!) compare myself to others, and I fall short.  One thing I need to accept and live with in my life is that I'm an organized and disciplined person.  I have longed to be spontaneous and adventurous like many of my friends, but the fact is, no matter what I try, I have to stick to a schedule and a plan or I feel uncomfortable.

This little part of my personality can be so annoying!  I would love to just run out of my dorm room on Friday night and do something crazy and random, but that's just not me.

Luckily, no matter what is different about each one of us, we can live it, love it, and rock it.  For me, that means making the most of my personality, which is actually really positive when used the right way.  I get good grades usually, not because I'm exceptionally smart but because I never forget or lose track of my homework.  I am also using this strength in running for National Office, and I'm working on really embracing and 'rocking' this part of my personality fully.

Another thing Kelie talked about was being able to do whatever she wanted.  Kelie has never been limited by her birth defect.  She does whatever she puts her mind to doing- even driving in her own modified (and very cool) Mini Cooper.  Kelie is very short, but what she lacks in height she makes up for in her big and energetic personality.  Her address was incredible and she captured the attention of everyone in the audience just by being herself.

This is what true leadership means to me.  To be leaders we have to encourage others to be confident being themselves.  The best way to do that is by example- so I'm working on loving being myself.  And Kelie's a great example to me of that.

Kelie shared this quote by e.e. cummings that I thought really summed up her whole address.  It will probably get put up on my quote wall here soon. :)

"To be nobody but yourself in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make  you everybody else means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight; and never stop  fighting."

Have a splendid day,
Rachel

Tyler Tenbarge, Hannah Crossen, and "Encouraging the Heart"

Hey all,
Yesterday I got to talk on the phone to Tyler Tenbarge, Eastern Region National FFA Vice President from 2007-2008.  He came to the 2008 Alaska State Convention, when I was running for state office, and then helped train my state officer team at NLCSO and State President's Conference.  He's a great guy and a great friend.  He had some wonderful advice about running and gave me a lot of insight into the process.  I felt good after the conversation, many of the things that he suggested I do I've already started doing, so that's very reassuring.  He also told me to go slow and be careful not to burn myself out with study before National Convention comes along.  I definitely think he's right- I'm only going to do what I can handle, which is why I'm not going to beat myself up too bad over the measly 5ish hours I did this week.

Also, after that conversation I watched Hannah Crossen's retiring address from the 2009 National Convention.  I think I missed this because of Job Interview finals, but I'm so glad I went back to watch it- it was incredible!  I really, really liked her message.

The speech was entitled "Fearless," and it was about letting go of our fears so that we can really go after the things we want to, a message which really resonated with me and seeking National Office.  There's so much to be afraid of, especially, Hannah points out, fear of failure.  I'm absolutely sure I'll revisit this speech again.  My computer was having issues and I was also a little distracted, so I had to listen/read/watch it.  My favorite quote (that I wrote on a sticky note and added to my bulletin board of quotes) was "Being scared of not being good enough is a waste of time."

How true is that?  I HATE wasting time, I like to think of myself as a productive, focused person- and yet I waste time by just being afraid to try new things.  When we are afraid of taking risks we may never find out what we are good at, what we enjoy, or what we're destined to be!

Here's another good quote on that subject by Arnold Bennett:  "The real tragedy is the tragedy of the man who never in his life braces himself for his one supreme effort-he never stretches to his full capacity, never stands up to his full stature."

I don't know about you, but I certainly don't want to be that guy.

Anyway- I loved the address.  I didn't really feel like I knew the 2008-2009 Officers since they were elected after I was trained as a State Officer, but it seems like Hannah was a very effective leader, and I liked her speaking style as well.  You can watch her RA here.  Also- you can read through all the speeches I mention in the Proceedings of the 2009 National FFA Convention here.

The leadership book I'm reading right now is called, "Encouraging the Heart."  I'm only about fifty pages in, but I really like it so far.  Basically, the entire book is about leadership through encouragement.  The book uses a lot of real-life examples to prove points, which is a great strategy for workshops and speeches, and I'm taking note of that.

Also, it talks a lot about believing in others.  I know I blogged about this recently, but it's really been on my mind.  I guess I used to think leadership was more about me- being responsible, getting a lot done, making changes- all on my own.  But now I'm realizing leadership doesn't work with just one person.  If you want to lead others, you have to let them do things.  Too often I think I try to do it all, and that's not only impossible, it's also not preferable.  Who am I benefiting?  Nobody.

I've thought a lot about the way I worked with my State Officer teammates.  First though, let me preface this, I really think I did a good job as a State Officer.  I don't have any regrets.  But looking back, I can see where I can improve.  I was 18 then- soon I'll be 20, and I am capable of being more now than I was then.

The book reads, "If we expect others to succeed, they probably will.  If we expect them to fail, they probably will.  People tend to live up, or down, to our expectations of them."  And- "People must believe that they are capable of solving the problem, of finding a new and better way.  Or they won't."

This helped me understand that even if I delegated things for people to accomplish, if I didn't trust that they were capable of accomplishing them, my teammates sensed that.  And my attitude brought them down.  From now on, I'm focusing on believing the best about people, and hopefully that will help them to do the best they can.

After all, when you think about the best leaders, weren't they all people who inspired and encouraged others? I do.

Peace out everybody, have a great week.
Rachel

Speeches

Hey,
I've decided to watch past Convention speeches as part of my study to pick up techniques and what I like and dislike about the way they present their topics.  Besides, I figure I sped way too much time watching videos on my computer and I might as well watch something I can learn from, right?

Today I watched Harvey Alston's speech from last (2009) National Convention.  I must have missed this while I was doing my Job Interview finals or something.  I thought at first that this guy must have started his career as a preacher, but I Googled him and that was not the case.  I guess he just likes yelling...:)  He sure knows how to play to his audience though.  I don't know that I can steal his style at all (I don't think I'm that intimidating when I yell...also I have to wear official dress, I can't wear an awesome tuxedo) but I really liked some of the things he said.

The thing I liked most about his speech was the way he started- and he kept this strain throughout the speech- of saying to the audience: "You're the best."
If there's one thing I've been learning from the leadership books I've been reading, it's that people respond to encouragement and praise, not to constant degradation and criticism.  Alston gets his point across by first praising his audience as doing (pretty much) everything right.  Kids want to hear that!  Most kids are trying to do the right thing, even a little bit, and they will listen much better when you acknowledge that.  Later, he talks about crap TV and how "some people" watch it, but later he even says "you know you've seen it."  Even if he never says "you," when he talks about other people doing it, people respond to it and apply it to themselves.  Heck, even I could relate to the negative things that he mentioned, but I didn't get mad about it, because he pointed out all the great things about the kids in the FFA, which includes me.

You can view the speech here: http://www.ffa.org/convention/2009/video.cfm.  Sorry, I don't know why the quality is so bad.  Keep in mind the audience Alston is speaking to- 9th-12th graders.

Speaking of speaking...spread the word to your friends that I'm looking for opportunities to polish my public speaking skills.  Girls Camps, Farm Bureau Meetings, LIONS Club meetings, FFA Banquets, 4-H events...seriously, put me to work.  Let me know if you have an idea of where I can speak this summer.  I get home the weekend of May 7th.

Have a great weekend!
Rachel