"I just need to blog, blog it out!"

Pheeeeeeewwww.

My counter is annoying me.  I try not to look at it. I hate it.

Something awful is happening to me.  Whenever I think about National Office, which is basically all the time, and especially when I'm studying (which should be all the time...I'm working on that) my stomach gets all knotted up and I feel sick.  A few minutes ago I had to skip one of my favorite songs, "The Contradiction," on my iPod, because it was making me anxious.  The worst part is, my iPod is only playing songs from my "classical genre."
Here it goes again.  Apparently I can't listen to Piano Concerto No. 1 in B Flat Minor either...

Any hints or tips for overcoming the worst case of nerves you've ever had?  Pre-nerves, because I'm not even at convention yet?

I don't understand.  I planned to feel 12,000 percent prepared by this point.  And now (almost) 350 hours later, I feel so panicky.  So I just had to stop for a minute and blog.  Yes, this is taking away from actual time that I could be immersing my poor swollen brain in more facts, so it seems contradictory.  But I can't focus.

So I need to just take a minute and remember why I'm doing this.  Because is it to be a National Officer?  Is that my goal, my end all, be all, or my entire life?  Because it shouldn't be.  My goal is to be me.  To be the very best version of me that I can possibly be, and that me is a helpful, kind, compassionate, friendly me.  I want to make a difference in people's lives.  FFA member's lives, yes, but beyond that- people's lives.  And if I don't become a National Officer, I'm still going to accomplish that goal.  So there's no pressure, really, because my goal is one hundred percent achievable and I have the rest of my life to attain it.

I'm not ready for National Convention right now, this very second.  But lucky for me, convention is still a little ways away,  So talk to me 150 hours from now.  And then I'll be as ready as I ever hoped to be.  Of course, there will always be something more I could have done, but I'm not sure how much difference it would have made anyway.  I have a little ways to go, but I've come a long ways since last November.

Here's a poem I found on Bethany Bohnenblust's National Officer blog today.

Fresh Start

Here marks a fresh start

a new freedom for my heart

My chance at being me,

doing what I want, totally free.

And it won't be a big deal.

It's nothing like I thought,

I survived the battles I fought.

My thoughts are all gone,

like the night at down.

My soul is free of sorrow,

I'll do what I want tomorrow.

I can't be held or bound.

I will spread my wings and leave this ground.

Distraction has no control.

My life will no longer be dull.

I will have the power.

I'll pass the highest tower.

Don't try to stop me now,

'Cause you won't know how.

For I will be totally free.

And I'll be one hundred percent me!

by xO

And here's a quote she posted as well:

"I have always been delighted at a prospect of a new day, a fresh try, one more start with perhaps a big of magic waiting somewhere behind the morning." ~Joseph Priestly

My goal for September (I just decided, two minutes ago) is to be calm.  Reflecting on what I've written here can help me to do that.  I love that I have tomorrow to improve: to focus more, to be more productive, to be more outgoing, to be more calm, and to be a better me.  I'm so grateful for my savior's atonement that allows me endless and constant "do-overs" in my life.  Tomorrow I will not feel this way.  Tomorrow will be better.

While I'm talking about myself and how I be myself, I guess I'll post this poem as well.  It was originally sent to one of my co-workers, the wonderful Patricia, and it describes her perfectly.  I read it and loved it and stole it.  I hope it describes me as well.  I've always felt that hard work is a solution for everything.

To be of Use
The people I love the best
jump into work head first
without dallying in the shallows
and swim off with sure strokes almost out of sight.
They seem to become natives of that element,
the black sleek heads of seals
bouncing like half submerged balls.

I love people who harness themselves, an ox to a heavy cart,
who pull like water buffalo, with massive patience,
who strain in the mud and the muck to move things forward,
who do what has to be done, again and again.

I want to be with people who submerge
in the task, who go into the fields to harvest
and work in a row and pass the bags along,
who stand in the line and haul in their places,
who are not parlor generals and field deserters
but move in a common rhythm
when the food must come in or the fire be put out.

The work of the world is common as mud.
Botched, it smears the hands, crumbles to dust.
But the thing worth doing well done
has a shape that satisfies, clean and evident.
Greek amphoras for wine or oil,
Hopi vases that held corn, are put in museums
but you know they were made to be used.
The pitcher cries for water to carry
and a person for work that is real.

by Marge Piercy

So my plan for the rest of today: read The Leadership Challenge and skim through The Arsenal again.  Have a little fun today.  Tomorrow I'm spending as much time as I can handle here at the library, delving head-first into Hot Topics 101!  I'd like to study all day Monday as well, I think most of my roommates are going home...but I don't have internet at the condo yet, and nothing on campus will be open.  Anyone know of a good internet cafe?

One of the most gorgeous views on Earth, at the Pettit farm.  Mmm, I feel calmer already...

Have a great long weekend.  I'll be studying.

Love, Rachel

Back from the dead...

Why hello, blog-I-have-not-updated-in-almost-a-month.

My goodness how time flies.  I have been so busy with my new (and increasingly awesome!) internship at the Division of Agriculture.  I have been on the road and learning new skills along the way.  Like how to drive (I haven't had an anxiety attack over it since my first drive to Anchorage this summer!).  And how to check into hotel rooms.  And how to not make a huge mess when I stay in hotel rooms.  And how to deal with children, and tourists, and people from different cultures.  And I am having a great time, too!

But my job is almost over, just one more week of work and I'll be off to school again.  Then I'll finally have time to get down to business and study to the end.  Not that I haven't been studying all along- but now it's time to tie up the loose ends.  Make sure I'm all ready for the written test.  Prepare like crazy for the hot topics.  Maybe do some more facilitation.  Buy new Official Dress.  Get good make-up.  Go to the practice camp- do more interview questions, evaluate, work on them again.  I'm so nervous, but I'm really excited too.  I know I have a chance at this, I've worked really hard, and I hate to admit this out loud, in case it doesn't happen for me...but I really, really want this.

I haven't been slacking too bad though!  In my absense I:

• Finished and sent my application (which included a near-perfect letter of application- hurray!)
• Spoke and answered interview questions at the Farm Bureau meeting
• Helped coordinate and run kid's activities at Ag Appreciation Day
• Continued to read my newest book, Monday Morning Choices
• Got my American Degree! (which doesn't mean I did anything, technically... I filled out the application months ago.  But I checked the website and I am all set to receive it!)
• Spent a day on the Mat-Su Farm Tour
• Interviewed Alex Davis of AD Farms, (which is on Lazy Mountain, which is one of the most beautiful places I've ever been in my entire life.  Seriously took my breath away.) And,
• Continued to work on my goal for August, which is to "Cease Non-Excellence."  (Meaning, to stop doing things that are not totally excellent.  Like spending more than ten minutes doing nothing on Facebook.  Or watching more than the appropriate amount of Food Network shows at once.  Or sleeping without sheets on my bed.  I haven't done very well at this goal...but I'm working on it.)

Speaking of goals, only 2 more until I'm (hopefully) a National Officer! Ah!  I'm getting overwhelmed thinking about it.  I think I'll go up to my hotel room (I'm in Kenai now) and get settled in for the night.

Have a fantastic weekend.  I'll probably write again once I'm settled in Logan again!
Rachel

What a Gorgeous Day

Hey everyone,
I had to work today (a Saturday) but I didn't mind at all.  I mostly just drove around and then when I wasn't driving I was visiting with farmers at five different farmers markets in the beautiful sunshine.   I am truly blessed to have this internship.

The day before yesterday I produced the "Fresher by Far" newsletter all by myself- start to finish.  A major part of that was interviewing and writing a profile on Bruce Bush of Bushes Bunches.  It was really cool to take a tour by Rhino of his farm and talk to him about its history.  He also had a lot to say about youth in agriculture and their importance, and, of course, rhubarb.

I need to clean the kitchen up a bit before I go hiking tonight (when you get a beautiful day in Alaska, you gotta enjoy it!) Maybe I'll read some out of a leadership book too.

Have a great rest of the weekend,
Rachel

What I Did Today...

• Went to "work"
• Drove out to the Butte and interviewed the Huppert family
• Learned all about the history of Palmer Produce, Butte Farms, and Alaska Gold Nuggets Produce
• Drove to the Huppert's gorgeous fields and took pictures, like this one:

I may be biased- but is that not the most magnificent mountain you've ever seen?

• Went back to "work"
• Wrote a profile on the Huppert family, to be published in the Fresher By Far newsletter
• Spent my lunch break reading "25 Ways to Win With People," by John C. Maxwell
• Revised my profile piece twice
• Attended a meeting to plan the Governor's Picnic
• Planned next week, which will include another Farmer Profile, a trip to Willow, 3 trips to Anchorage, 19 store visits, and up to 9 farmers market visits, and plenty of opportunities for personal growth.
• Left "work" thinking, 'Are they seriously paying me to do this?  I love my job.'

:)

Rachel

My New Job!

Hey everybody,
I started a new job today!  Well, I guess technically I started yesterday, but I didn't really do any work...just became a master at form-fill-outing and policies and procedures.

But today- I got to go on store visits with Patricia and get a handle on what it is I will actually be doing as an intern for the Division of Ag.  And it was very exciting!  I can tell I will learn a lot that will helpful in seeking National Office, not only about agriculture, but about talking to people and being a representative of ag in Alaska.  Yesterday, I read a packet about the Division of Ag's goals and such, and it was full of spectacular information about Alaska and agriculture that I should know, and it was work!

I'm also learning I need to be more outgoing.  On the way out of town today, Patricia asked me, "Are you always this quiet?"   To which I wanted to respond, "Trust me, I'm not quiet at all- you just don't know me yet!"  So I'm working on being more comfortable carrying on conversations (even when I'm nervous!) and I know this job will help me out with that.

We went to Talkeetna today and did store visits for all the stores on the way in.  Once in Talkeetna we visited Cubby's Market and then stopped in to the new location of Kahiltna Birchworks- where Dulce Ben-East and Michael East welcomed us.  It was so cool to get to talk with them and learn more about syrup making- it is such a process!  They have a really neat Canadian evaporator there, and a machine called a "Reverse Osmosis Machine."  I wish I remembered what exactly it did...I think it takes all the water out of the sap before they boil it.  Anyway, I was impressed with their business.  Birch syrup is delicious, by the way.

Another perk of driving all the way to Talkeetna today was that it was sunny, clear, and beautiful, which meant Patricia and I got a fantastic view of Denali (or Mt. McKinley).  I hadn't ever seen it that clearly, so we drove to the outlook to look for a few minutes along with all the tourists.  That mountain is spectacular.  I'm so grateful to live in surrounded by such beauty.

This is kind of a crappy picture of me in front of Denali from two years ago- after Blast Off training.  

Denali it the tallest mountain, in the upper right.  I wish I had my camera today, because there were NO clouds in front of it.  Oh well.

Well, tomorrow I get to go interview a farmer and write a profile for the Division's Alaska Grown newsletter (Fresher By Far).  I'm so excited to have such a sweet job!

Have a wonderful Wednesday!
Rachel

Home

I am finally home.  It feels so good to be around family, play with my nieces and nephews, and drive around town without feeling anxious.

It's also a bit of struggle adjusting to a new schedule and new surroundings in terms of my study habits- hence the break in blogging.  Sorry about that.  I'm working on it.

My work situation is kind of weird this summer, but I guess it's good for me.  I'm doing an internship at the Division of Ag, but it doesn't start until July 6th.  Until then, I'm working part-time for my mom in the garden and using the rest of my time to study, do speeches and workshops, fill out my applications, and blog.  I can't wait!  Tomorrow I'm going into Anchorage with Mr. Werner (my state advisor) to a meeting about how to save Alaska CTSOs.  Then, if we have time, we'll meet with Rayne, and then head back into the valley for the Palmer FFA Chapter Banquet.

Although I haven't blogged, I've done six hours of study since last Thursday!  That is mostly because I read an entire book on Saturday while I traveled home.  It's called, "Just Don't Fall," and it's by Josh Sundquist (the speaker I wrote about before who only has one leg)...and it's awesome.  Very funny, very inspiring, and very well-written.  I got a TON out of it, which was good, because I was nervous about reading a book that wasn't a "leadership book" per se.

I'm going to blog a lot about it (I turned down the corners of the pages I liked) but I'll leave you today with a paragraph that pretty much describes my life right now.  I laughed so hard when I read it.  Self-help books will do this to your mind.

For some context: Josh is on a date at a book fair,

" 'I love books,' she says, sorting through a box of paperbacks. 'But I just never have time to read.'  I open my mouth to tell her about how she should just prioritize her schedule using The Seven Habits of Highly Effiective People method, which involves Roles and Goals and something called Quadrant II."

" 'Lydia,' I say, 'What are your goals in life?'  I ask her this because talking about your goals and dreams in life puts you in what Tony Robbins calls a Peak Emotional State.  Anything you associate with a Peak Emotional State gains importance in your mind.  If I can get Lydia in a Peak Emotional State while she is on this date...then she will associate those strong positive feelings with me, and she'll want to be my girlfriend."

Also, I didn't forget about my 35 Ways to Encourage the Heart (at least for very long).  Today I'm doing number 31, the "Do What You Say You Will Do" audit.

Have a great Tuesday,
Rachel

What I Miss Today:

Well the FFA Convention is either over, or ending, right now.  I wish I was there so bad!  Seeing these pictures Rayne posted on Facebook made me really think about the convention...it feels like it didn't happen, because I've been here worrying about school instead of running around the depot and feeling like I'm going to explode from stress.

Man, I love FFA so much!  Just seeing all these guys in their FFA jackets, that I've gotten to know and love, fills me with a sense of...I don't know what....pride?  People say we're from Alaska, there isn't agriculture here, etc. but I know these kids and I know what they're capable of, and I know the FFA program can bring out their leadership potential.

Ah!  I miss Alaska.  I think I'm just going to start a new leadership book and then go to bed, try to keep my mind off of things.  Only 2 weeks left until I'm home!

--Rachel

Oh wait!  PS, guess what?  I've done another

50 Hours! 

of study as of Thursday!  That's 150 altogether.  It seems like it's taken a long time, and it has taken 7 weeks...but hey, it's something to celebrate.  I think I'm going out to lunch with my dorm mates at the Indian Oven to "celebrate life" tomorrow, and this 50 hours is something on my list to celebrate!  50 hours closer to my goal of 500...here I come...


PPS- Mom just texted me and said Palmer won the Parli Pro contest!  Awesome job guys, I can't wait to practice with you this summer!