Final Essay

Here's a version of what I wrote yesterday...more polished and essay-like.  l promise this is my last post here.  Enjoy!

What I’ve Learned

A few days ago one of my cousins shared a Dashboard Confessional song with me.  The song, ridiculously titled “Carve Your Heart Out Yourself,” was as depressing as its title and I hated it, but for some reason one of the lines got stuck in my head for the next few days:

“Man, it takes a silly girl to lie about the dreams she had…man, it takes a lonely girl to wish that she had never dreamed at all.”

Every time that line went through my head, I couldn’t help but think about how it applied to my life. 

In the twelve months and over 450 hours I spent preparing to run for National Office, I learned so much.  I systematically went through my entire life and philosophy, discovering who I am and what I stand for.  I can now say that there is probably no job-interview-type question that I can’t answer with confidence.

I improved my public speaking skills, both prepared and extemporaneous, and I worked hard to become more effective in teaching students through facilitation.  I read countless books on leadership and made weekly and monthly goals for self-improvement. 

Finally, I learned everything there is to know about FFA, the agricultural education system, and current agricultural issues.  When the process for running for Nationals was over, I thought this knowledge was pretty useless...but even if I don’t ever apply this knowledge again in my life, it sure has helped me in the Orientation to Agricultural Education class!

I thought that all the learning I would experience would be in preparation to run for National Office, but I was wrong.  The most important thing I learned from the process- perhaps the most important thing I’ve learned thus far in my life- came after the convention.

Failing to become a National FFA Officer was the biggest disappointment I’ve ever experienced.  And experiencing disappointment is not something I’m used to.  I’ve always been of the opinion that hard work leads to results, and my hypothesis has never been proven incorrect until now. 

Now…I’ve learned how life can be unfair.  I’ve learned that I can work as hard as a possibly can, and perform as well as I possibly can, and still not get what I want.  And that’s a hard thing to deal with.

For a while after National Convention, I never wanted to talk about the results.  That might have been my silly way of lying about my dreams.  I was too disappointed to talk about the good that came out of National Convention, and I was afraid that the people I loved would be disappointed in me.

Disappointment has taught me perspective.  Although I am not happy with the results of Convention, there are people in this world who are in much worse situations than I am.   It has also taught me how to be adaptable.  I am naturally a very organized person who plans out her life a year in advance.  My plans for 2011 included serving as a National FFA Officer, but now, I have an entire year with nothing on my calendar.  I am excited to fill that calendar with new adventures and learn to be more spontaneous.

Before, during and after the National Convention, I discovered what a fantastic support system I have.  I am so grateful for the friends and family that supported me in my most difficult hours.

While I was preparing for the convention, I constantly reminded myself of why I was sacrificing so much for my dreams by reading this quote by Arnold Bennett: “The real tragedy is the tragedy of the man who never in his life braves himself for his one supreme effort- he never stretches to his full capacity, never stands up to his full stature.”  I am glad that I had the opportunity to run for National Office.  It was something I was scared to do, and something that I wasn’t sure I could do-but I’m glad that I stretched myself to reach for dreams, even though those dreams weren’t fully realized.

What I learned from my experience was more than just facts and figures about agriculture and FFA.  I learned true leadership in being gracious in defeat and working to support those who are have been selected.  I learned empathy for people who have and will fail in life.  I learned perspective.  I learned the value of hard work, and I am learning how to overcome challenges.  I can't say I've learned that yet, because here I am, wondering what's next and trying not to feel like life as I knew it is now over.  I know that someday soon I'll look back on this period of life and think about how hard it was, and be grateful for the opportunity I had to learn all of this.  I'm not at that point yet, but I'm getting there slowly and surely.

I used to think that it would have been better to avoid this pain and wish that I had never applied for National Office.  But now, I am glad for the opportunity to learn.  And do I wish that I had never dreamed at all?  Definitely not. 

The End...or Perhaps Just the Beginning

This post is long overdue.  National Convention over a month ago, but as this is my last post on this blog, I wanted to make sure I did it right.  I wanted to make sure I wrote it in the right mindset and that I did the whole process, from start to finish, justice.  So here goes:

Actually, I didn't want to write this post at all.  I wanted to end this blog with a link to the press release that announced me as a new National Officer, with plenty of exclamation marks.  And I don't know that I am in the right "mindset," whatever that is.  I'm certainly not over my vast disappointment yet...and I'm not sure when I will be.  That's another reason why I hadn't written this post for so long: because I just didn't want to.  I didn't want to have to acknowledge my disappointment and let everyone down.  It was easier to leave up my last post, full of optimism, to leave everyone with a sense of hope for the future that I no longer have.

And right now, I probably wouldn't even be writing this, except that I kind of have to, due to an awesome thing called 4 credits of Independent Study "Special Projects in Agriculture" and my final assignment: a report on what I learned from running for National Office.  So I'm using this blog as a rough draft, to get all my good, bad and ugly feelings out there so that tomorrow I can sort them out into a profound little final paper.  Here goes:

A "Dashboard Confessional" song that I listened to recently features this line: "Man, it takes a silly girl to lie about the dreams she has.  Man, it takes a lonely girl to wish that she had never dreamed at all."  For some reason that line got stuck in my head and I couldn't help but think, "Am I that girl?"

I don't know that I lie about my dreams...but I certainly don't run about campus telling everyone I see "Hey guess what? It's been my dream to be a National Officer for three years and I tried and I totally failed!"  Nope.  I don't mention it.  And if someone brings it up I quickly sweep it under the rug, and say I'm fine, and say I "learned a lot" and all that stuff that people expect me to say.  I don't say I'm still disappointed....that I wake up almost every morning and remember that I'm probably never going to run up on the National stage after they've called my name and put on that jacket with nothing written on the back.  That's the stuff I don't talk about.  But that's the most important thing that I'm learning.

I feel like I'm living some kind of "scenes unseen" life, because no one ever tells you about this part of life.  All the stories are about overcoming challenges and being successful.  But no one ever tells you about what happens when you spend a year of your life dedicated to a goal, then you do the absolute best you can...then fail.  No one ever tells you about what happens when you plan out the next year of your life, only to have everything change.Well if you're interested, I can tell you.

I've learned exactly what "disappointment"  means, because I feel it all the time.  But I'm learning to use perspective.  Definitely a buzz word in my life right now...I could have it worse, much worse.  And, there are about thirty other people who probably feel just about as terrible as I do.  Like my mom said, I do't like this feeling, but would I wish it on anyone else?  Definitely not.

Enough of the whining.  Let's get to the learning!  I'm learning to be a lot more adaptable- it comes along with the whole "having all your plans for the next year frustrated" thing.  Unlike last year at this time, I don't have the next two years of my life planned out- I'm pretty clueless.  It's scary, but it's also kind of exhilarating.  And although one very big, really cool door has closed, a lot of other doors have opened up.  Like working at the Division again this summer.  And travelling the world.  And continuing my college education.  Whatever I want, really.  I'm committed to flying by the seat of my pants for all of next year and learning more in the process.

I've also been privileged to discover what a wonderful support system I have.  All during the week of finals, my phone was barraged with text messages wishing me luck, telling me to breathe, and reminding me that they believe in me.  My email inbox was constantly full and I know that the airwaves to above were filled with prayers.  And I know that even after the fact, none of those wonderful people in my life were ever disappointed in me.  I'm so grateful for that.

I also have thirty-five brand new friends- people who understand better than anyone what it takes to run for National Office and what it feels like to not make it.  I'm so grateful for that.

What I learned from my experience was more than just facts and figures about agriculture and FFA.  I learned true leadership in being gracious in defeat and working to support those who are have been selected.  I learned empathy for people who have and will fail in life.  I learned perspective.  I learned the value of hard work, and I am learning how to overcome challenges.  I can't say I've learned that yet, because here I am, wondering what's next and trying not to feel like life as I knew it is now over.  I know that someday soon I'll look back on this period of life and think about how hard it was, and be grateful for the opportunity I had to learn all of this.  I'm not at that point yet, but I'm getting there slowly and surely.

So do I wish I had never dreamed at all?  Definitely not.
Rachel

Up, Up, and Away

I am sitting in the Salt Lake City Airport, getting ready to board a plane that will take me to an all new experience.

I am: frightened, nervous, excited, humbled, thrilled, bewildered, and wondering, where has the time gone?  I seriously cannot fathom that it is convention time already.  The whole last year has been replaying in my mind, and I'm trying to capture every minute: the semi-finals of Job Interview, Christmas in Alaska, the Denver Stock Show, going to Boston, making a video for State Convention, going home, Brittney's death, my job at the Division, leaving the Division, arriving in Logan, going to Minnesota, and now here.

I'm not so great at being calm- but I am working on it.  I feel confident that I have done as much as I possibly could have to prepare for the selection process.

I'm so grateful for all the texts, phone calls, Facebook messages, and emails that have come to me in the last few days.  They mean so much to me and have left me with wet eyes on many occasions.  I'm turning into such a sap.

Thank you all for everything. I am leaning on the Lord and I know He will provide.  I will have accomplished my goal if I perform the best that I can, and I just hope that it's enough.

I'm not sure if I will be blogging this week, but if I don't- I'll see you on the other side!
All my love,
Rachel

Cramming and an Extended, Overdue Thank You

I'm trying not to type, "I hate the written test."

Looks like I just did...oh well.  I cannot believe that I leave for National Convention on Saturday! Where has the time gone?  It's so strange to think that show time is now, when it always felt so far away.  And next Saturday, my life will change.

Either I will become a National Officer, or I won't.  Option one will make me even more busy, and thrilled.  Option two will give me a needed break, and I might be a little disappointed, but I'll be fine.

In the next few days, I am trying to cram as much knowledge into my noggin about agricultural issues, the American education system, agricultural education, and FFA.  I guess I'm the most scared about the written test because that's the one thing I haven't done a practice round of.  But I'll be fine.  I'm a good test-taker, but I just want to make sure that I knock those sixty stupid questions out of the park.

And one thing that is making that difficult- FFA chose this week to remodel the website, so it's not wanting to cooperate.  Ugh!  Oh well.  I've got about half an hour left to study before I'm indulging in improv and then in Canadian Thanksgiving with Calvin and Nat before my (much needed!) video conference with Rayne tonight.

But before I sign off here, I just want to make a public thank-you to everyone who reads this- and to everyone who doesn't, who have helped me SO much in this process.  You all mean the world to me and I wouldn't be where I am without you.

Mr. Evans, Dr. Miller, Dr. Lawver, Professor Stewardson, and Dr. Warnick- You guys have been like an adopted family of Utah FFA Helpers to me!  I am so grateful to all of you for taking me in and doing everything in your power to help me prepare.  I know I would be lost in scheduling this semester without you.  I also appreciate all the opportunities you've given me to practice public speaking and facilitation through ULC, ATA, and the ag teachers' conference.  And thank you for letting Jimmy and I hop around your classrooms doing our Hot Topic speeches.  I have been so blessed to find mentors and coaches in all of you here at USU and I will not easily forget the assistance you gave.  Thank you!

My other professors: Mrs. Johnson, Dr. Evans, Professor Wheeler, and Dr. Burton-  You are all so incredible for working with me this semester.  You could have easily refused to take a student into your class who might leave half-way through, but  you were so gracious and made my life so easy.  I wish there were more teachers like you!  Thank you for allowing me this opportunity to represent agriculture students nation-wide and allowing me to pursue a life-long dream.

Past National Officers and National Officer Candidates- Thank you so much for responding to my annoying questionnaires, walking me through the selection process, and answering my endless, specific questions.  You are all so talented, so knowledgeable and so helpful, and I look up to you.  Thanks for paving the way for student success- mine included.

Megan Peterson- Thank you for being my distinguished ULC partner last December.  I learned so much from that experience and from YOU.  You are such an example to me and a great credit to the Utah FFA Association.  You have been so helpful in my preparation, just by being there and answering my questions.  I cannot thank you enough for that.

The Palmer, Wasilla, and Anchorage Rotary Clubs, the Palmer LIONs Club, and the Palmer Farm Bureau- Thank you for giving me the opportunity to speak to you this summer.  I learned so much about speaking from those experiences, and even more about what really great people look and act like: you are those people.  You are examples to me and I think of you everyday.  I had a horrible thought a few months ago that I would hate not being selected because I would let all those who believed in me down, but I know you won't be disappointed in me.  Thank you for helping me prepare to the best of my ability this summer.

My family at the Division of Ag: Franci, Curt, Kirk, Doug, Lora, Connie, Erik, Ray, Candie, Barbara, Mia, and especially Patricia and Amy- Thank you for making last summer AMAZING.  Everyday I went to work I thought, "Is this really my job?  Am I really getting paid for this?"  I had some of the most fantastic experiences of my life as an intern with you, and I learned something from each of you.  You are some of the hardest working people I know, and I also know you are vastly under-appreciated.  I never properly thanked you for the going away party you threw me.  I was so touched by your gesture I almost cried!  I hope that I do become a National Officer, but if I don't, I hope you'll take me back to work with you all again.  Thank you for all that you did for me, and all that you do everyday for Alaskan agriculture.

My Minnesota FFA Family, including the high school ag teachers (especially Mr. Sawatzke), the Hutchinson and Dassel-Cokato FFA members, the Department of Agriculture employees, and the Alumni- Thank you for the incredible experience you provided in Minnesota at your training conference a few weeks ago.  It was SO worth it, and I'm so grateful for all your hard work in putting it together.  I owe you all, and I'm so grateful that you were willing to help me.  I feel so loved and I can't wait to (hopefully!) see most of you at National Convention very soon!

Collegiate FFA Members, Alpha Tau Alpha Members, Ag Comm Club Members, and USU Improv Members: Thank you all for your support.  Everyone has been so kind and supportive of me, I cannot thank you enough. Thanks for listening to speeches, attending workshops, and giving me feedback.  You are the best friends a girl could ask for.

My roommates- Thank you for putting up with me this semester.  I know I'm boring and all I do is study FFA and you probably don't really understand that.  Regardless, you have all been so supportive and listened to me blow off steam, and, although it would be awesome to be a National Officer- I would be so sad to have to leave you!  Thanks for being such great and supportive friends.

My State Officer Team: Taylor Berberich, Corinne Ogle, and Derek Monarch- During our year of service, you each taught me so much.  And now, it's been over a year since we retired (can you believe it?) and you still teach me just by being my friends.  I miss being with you all the time.  I miss our tot. :)  Thank you so much for supporting me this last year, whether with an encouraging word, email or a talk at the airport. I would not be here if it weren't for you.  Thanks a million!

Jimmy Lotspeich- It has been SO fun to have you here at Utah State University this semester, and so helpful to do practice speeches with you. I also really appreciate the times we can just talk about FFA, ag ed, the process, or anything else.  It's so nice to have someone who has been there and who understands, to talk to.  You could have easily kept to yourself, and not helped me at all- since we are competing.  But you have  been so generous in helping me prepare and answering all my questions. Thank you for that. In my dream world, I hope we're both selected.  I don't know if that will happen, but I will say this: if it can't be me, there is no one in the world I would want to become a National Officer more than you.  I hope you knock the socks off the Nominating Committee next week.  Good luck!

Elder Fry- Does not/cannot read this blog.  But he's helped me out a lot through his great letters.  I'll write to him my thanks in my next letter.

Mr. Berberich- Where would I be without you and Palmer FFA?  You were so helpful to me this summer in my preparation, but beyond that- you've made me the person I am today.  I learned so much from FFA and credit that organization- more than any other- for the personal growth I made in high school and beyond.  Thank you for allowing me to take your ag classes, for volunteering your time for FFA meetings and events, putting up with all our shenanigans, and even (and especially!) for leaving your game of golf to come explain to the police officers that we weren't trying to break into the ag building!  You were such a great advisor and I admire the way that you connect with people.  You made every convention, every activity, and every class, a treat, and I treasure those memories.  Thank you so much.

Jeff Werner- Your advice is priceless and often cracks me up.  Thank you for getting me information right when I needed it, talking to me about FFA issues, taking me to CTSO conferences, entertaining me, and just being there to talk to when life (and by life, I mean preparations) got crazy.  Thanks for everything you do for the Alaska FFA.  Without you, I never would have become a State Officer, and I would not be running for National Office or getting my American Degree.  And who am I kidding, without you, there wouldn't be an Alaska FFA.  Thank you for putting up with me all these years.  You have helped me to become the person I am today and I am eternally grateful.  You're awesome.

Granny and Grandpy Oberg- You two basically make up my "ag heritage" and I so enjoyed learning about that through our talks this summer.  You are two of the most amazing people I've ever had the privilege to meet.  Hard work? You personify it.  Kindness? It has no bounds with you.  You inspire me, you astound me, and you are a huge part of me.  I miss coming over to your house whenever I want whenever I think of home.  I love you so very much.  Thank you for being the kind of grandparents the whole neighborhood wants to claim. I am so proud to call you mine.

My siblings- I know I complain about being the youngest (way too much!) but I'm so grateful to have six older and wonderful examples.  You have all been so supportive of me.  I really value your texts, emails, phone calls, advice, and seeing you all in the summer.  When I decided to run I was so surprised with the help you all solicited in whatever way you could.  I'm so proud to call you my older brothers and sisters and when I have a family of my own, I hope it will be just like yours.You all mean the world to me and I love and miss you very much!

Mom- You are my hero.  You have always encouraged me to shoot for the stars and never once discouraged me.  You keep me going even when everything is really hard and I live for your phone calls, texts, comments, and (even better!) seeing you every morning in the summer.  I miss you so much!  I know I would have just exploded by now without your words of encouragement and advice.  You have really helped me realize the value of hard work through example.  I love you so much and I know you will be there for me after next Saturday...no matter what happens.

Dad-  Thanks for keeping me grounded.  You work so hard for our family and I can't tell you how much that means to me.  This summer gave me a tiny taste of what commuting is like- and I hate it!  I'm so grateful that you do it every day so that our family could live in Palmer and do 4-H and FFA...which means you are a big reason why I can run for National Office at all.  I love that whenever I talk to you on the phone you always ask me how classes are going and remind me of what is important in life.  I love you!

And finally, Rayne Reynolds-  I don't know, but if I had to make an estimate, I would say that you have put almost twice as much time and effort into my preparation as I have!  From day one, you were there for me, and I'm so grateful that you are a part of my life.  I know that I would not be at all prepared for this process if it wasn't for your mentoring, video conferences, assignments, field trips, and advice.  Sometimes I disagreed with your methods and got frustrated- and I'm really sorry for that.  There is no possible way I can use words to thank you for your help as much as I'd like to.  You've done so much for me, with no real incentive except your good heart.  You have made me a better person since you've been a part of my life.  I'm so excited for your new baby- because I know if you are at all the kind of dad that you have been a mentor to me, then your daughter will have the best daddy in the world!  No matter what happens next Saturday, I can hold my head up because I know that you and I, together, have done everything possible to prepare for my success, and I feel confident that I can serve next year in any capacity.  I really hope you won't be buying me a pizza, but if you do, at least we can eat it together. :)  Thank you for everything.

Phew.  I'm a little late for improv now, but that was needed and worth it.  That was also kind of emotional draining- I just realized I really miss my family!  Can't wait for next week though.  Have a great Monday!
Rachel

Training Weekend Day Dos

Hello again,
I'm on to reporting day two, before I forgot all that I learned!

Saturday began around eight and had one purpose: go through the entire selection process (minus the written multiple choice test) in one day.  And let me be the first to tell you- it was pretty grueling!  But now that I've done it all in one day, doing it in a week feels like a cinch!

So we started with the One-on-One Interviews: nine separate interviews, one after the other, five questions and ten minutes a piece.  An hour and a half of straight interviewing is pretty intense, guys! I think it did pretty well.  It's obvious doing just a brief look over my feedback that I need to work on the competencies of "teamwork," "team before self," and "adaptability and flexibility," as well as I'm sure, others.  And I just need to work on being myself, smiling, joking, and not burning out after 6 or 7 interviews.  Jessie (Geib) Vanderpoel, a former National Officer, told me to smile again and again.  She said that I looked like a National Officer when I smiled, which was awesome.  She also said she didn't believe that I did comedy improv...bummer!  I need to make sure that I am not too nervous and let my personality come out. I also need to work on compiling a good story arsenal and practicing my stories- a lot.

Next up-SAE writing.  I haven't gotten my results from this yet, so I'm really not sure how I did.  I felt good about what I did, but I'm not sure at all what the format was supposed to be.  But it was good to have an idea of what it would be like at Nationals.  I don't think SAE writing is worth many points anyhow.

I was pretty nervous for Stand and Deliver, but I feel that I did well!  The topic was program affiliation, given to Minnesota ag teachers, and I was psyched about that, since I'd just given a program affiliation speech to Jimmy and felt that I had done really well on it.  Thank goodness one of my strengths is command- I got the comment that I was a good speaker.  Awesome, I don't have to work so hard on that then!  But I still do need to work on smiling so that I don't look like an Ice Queen.  I need to be approachable and most of all, myself.  I also discovered that it's alright to end my speech early- at 4:30 or 4:40, rather than stretching it, which is great news, because that's where I usually end!  So I learned a lot but felt good about Stand and Deliver.

We had a quick break for lunch and then delved into the next section.  I started with the Writing Exercise.  I don't have my scores for this either, so I really don't know how I did.  I felt I wrote well, but I wasn't sure of the format and I also ended pretty early...so I don't know if I demonstrated my knowledge very well.  The prompt was also kind of a mixture of two hot topics, which threw me off.  So I'll have to wait and see my comments on that.

I had a short break to ponder how unprepared I felt for the next round, and then I entered a room to start my prep for faciliation.  This was one of my weakest rounds, but I'm glad I've had practice so that I am more comfortable now in what I need to spend my preparation hour on (hem hem, making better flip charts!)  The topic for the workshop was mentoring for chapter officers.  I started with a stupid puzzle piece activity.  It actually wasn't a bad activity, it made a good point, but it took me FOREVER to put the puzzle outline together, and then we couldn't find one of the pieces, which was frustrating and took up a lot of time.  The one thing I was really pleased with was my support activity, everyone seemed to really enjoy it.  My point needed work.  I was so concerned about finishing my workshop on time that I started telling students what I wanted them to know instead of asking questions, and I know I'm not supposed to do that!  Then I began introducing my application, "Mentor Man," which would have been awesome, and....they called time.  I could not believe it, I felt like I had to scrape my jaw off the floor.  I was really disappointed, but after the feedback I felt a little better.  Jessie said to have way more material than you need, and not to allow your content to get in the way of your interaction with the students, which is what they want to see!  So now I know how to change, and I have next week to test it out on Alpha Tau Alpha!

After facilitation came Round Robin Conversations.  Oh, how I hate you, Round Robin Conversations! They're so unreal, I don't like role-playing because it makes me feel fake, and oh yeah!  I don't know as much about agricultural issues as I would like to!  There are three conversations: Ag Issues, Ag Ed/American Ed Issues, and FFA Issues.  I did them in that order.  My Ag Issues conversation was decent, like a 4 or 5 out of 10.  I wasn't really happy with it, but I felt now that I had some experience with it I would do better.  My Ag Ed conversation on the other hand....a 0.  Or maybe a 1.  Guess who's doing some research on the Perkin's Technical Skills Attainment test today?  But my FFA Issues Conversation- dang!  Somehow that was a 9!  I spent my ten minute break in the hallway jumping up and down to try to stop being so nervous, and I think maybe it worked.  I felt awesome about that one.

Finally, we ended the day with the Personal Round.  This round is like the one-on-one round, but it's more...personal. They ask you the crazy, tear your heart strings type questions, such as, "Why are you running for office?" "Tell me about a time when someone questioned your character?" and "What are three of your life's goals?"  Also, it's you and all nine nominating committee members.  I can't really say anything about this round- I felt that it went fantastically well.  If I could do every round at Nationals like I did that last one, I feel like they'd have to elect me!

After the personal round we said goodbye and headed back to the Twin Cities for the night, to fly out the next morning.  I was so glad that I decided to go this camp- it really, really helped!  I feel 100 times more ready now than I was before, and I know precisely what I need to work on:

1. Being more personable in interviews- joking, laughing, smiling, being someone who is approachable.
2. Smiling during my speeches!
3. Ending strong on my speeches!
4. Knowing more (including statistics) about Agricultural Issues!
5. Directing the conversation during Round Robins
6. Focusing on students (rather than content) during facilitation and not worrying about the time.
7. Knowing more about agricultural education and American education.
8. Doing a better job of telling my stories in my one-on-one interviews.
9. Stressing teamwork and adaptability in my one-on-one interviews.
10. Being excited to tell the Nominating Committee about myself.

I'm so grateful to the volunteers who made this training weekend a success!  I'm also psyched, because Mr. Sawatzke said that his 40+ kids would be our cheering section if any of us were elected.  I told him that would more than double my cheering section. :)

I'm also really grateful that for the past week or so...I've felt so calm!  I feel like I could conquer the world, no anxiety for me!  I'm still nervous, I'll always be, but I know that I can do this.  Whether or not they elect me, I'm completely capable of being a National Officer.  Come what may, I'm ready.
Rachel

I believe in being happy myself...

Yesterday was a very long day:

9:30- Creative Arts Class
10:20- Piano Practice
11:30- Piano Lesson
12:00- When I was supposed to have lunch, except I forgot to pack it...
12:30- Choir
1:30- Walked back to my car and then driving around lost in Logan
2:00- Arrived at the temple to do baptisms.  Felt some much needed peace.
3:00- Go back to the condo. Eat lunch, fold some laundry, temporarily avoid responsibility.
4:00- Search every shoe store in Logan for official dress shoes!
5:30- Arrive on campus triumphant, with two potential shoe candidates and four pairs of black nylons.  Study for thirty minutes.
6:00- Visit Scott in his new apartment, eat dinner, watch Glee!
7:00- Improv Practice
9:00- Antics Troupe Auditions.  Had to pay scrupulous attention, because people's "happiness depends on me."
12:15- Cast votes for who the two new troupe members should be.
12:30- Argued about vote results.
12:35- Went back to Scott's apartment to pick up the keys that I left there 6+ hours before.
12:45- Returned to my car and began driving back to the condo for the night.
12:47- Got pulled over by a cop because my headlight is out and I forgot to turn on my brights.  Asked for mercy because it was (techincally!) my birthday.
1:00- Back on the road.  Feeling melancholy.
1:10- Returned to the condo.  Ate a Fudgsicle because I felt crappy.
1:20- Collapse into bed to have bad dreams about dying elephants and their elephant offspring.

Today was just as stressful, if not more, and included taking my car to the shop and riding the bus onto campus, passing out improv fliers, and carrying my Minnesota luggage with me everywhere...resulting in looking like an idiot.

On my way to the airport I had some time to just sit and think, which was nice.  I also had some time to read more in my new book, Blue Jackets Gold Standards, the FFA 75th Anniversary Book, which I am really enjoying so far.  And I got to a section about the Creed, so I started going over it.

*Embarrassing Confession*
I don't really know the Creed by heart...at least, not anymore. I used to, at one time, but now the third and fourth paragraph just jumble all together in my head for some reason.

So because of this embarrassing confession, I thought I might go over the Creed in my head again and try to get it to stick.  What if someone this weekend asks me to recite it...or worse, someone at Convention!?

I stopped when I got to the last line in the third paragraph, which reads:

"[I believe] in being happy myself and playing square with those whose happiness depends upon me."

And then I thought about my melancholy last night.  What it was about anyway, I'm not exactly sure...I just felt kind of blah.  Like my life has been going by too fast and it's been to stressful, I don't know.  And then I had this stupid thought (or half a thought): "But when/if I become a National Officer-" and I was going to think, "I'll be happier," but I stopped myself and finished the sentence with "nothing will change."

What a stupid thing to think, even though I know that happiness is the key to success, and not the other way around.  Besides, life as a National Officer...would be hard!  I'd be just as stressed if not more, and I know if I don't learn to be happy now, it's not magically going to come then.

Just like when I was a state officer.  Don't get me wrong, I wanted to be a state officer more than anything in the world but that didn't mean my senior year was fun all the time.  In fact, I was unhappy a lot, even though I was very blessed and fortunate and successful.

I never thought of it as something I stood for, being happy.  Whenever I've studied the Creed before I always focused on the second paragraph and told my story of being chased by the goose.  I never even really, fully comprehended that if I really live by the FFA Creed, that means that I believe in being happy.

So that's another thing I'm working on.  And this weekend is bound to bring some happiness, because (1) it's my birthday, and (2) I'm in Minnesota attending a National Officer Candidate Training Weekend!  It already reminds me of my good old State Officer summer... I'm so thankful to have the opportunity to be here this weekend and I know I'll learn a lot.

Two other things on my mind tonight.

1) FFA has had a huge jump in membership, have you heard?  The official tally for this year is 523,309 members, which I find incredibly exciting.

2) I feel very confident today.  I don't know why that is exactly.  I feel like this is what I am supposed to be doing and I just feel...confident in my abilities.  Which is a very calm feeling.  Awesome.

Well I have an early morning tomorrow.  I'll keep you posted! (get it?)

Rachel

"I just need to blog, blog it out!"

Pheeeeeeewwww.

My counter is annoying me.  I try not to look at it. I hate it.

Something awful is happening to me.  Whenever I think about National Office, which is basically all the time, and especially when I'm studying (which should be all the time...I'm working on that) my stomach gets all knotted up and I feel sick.  A few minutes ago I had to skip one of my favorite songs, "The Contradiction," on my iPod, because it was making me anxious.  The worst part is, my iPod is only playing songs from my "classical genre."
Here it goes again.  Apparently I can't listen to Piano Concerto No. 1 in B Flat Minor either...

Any hints or tips for overcoming the worst case of nerves you've ever had?  Pre-nerves, because I'm not even at convention yet?

I don't understand.  I planned to feel 12,000 percent prepared by this point.  And now (almost) 350 hours later, I feel so panicky.  So I just had to stop for a minute and blog.  Yes, this is taking away from actual time that I could be immersing my poor swollen brain in more facts, so it seems contradictory.  But I can't focus.

So I need to just take a minute and remember why I'm doing this.  Because is it to be a National Officer?  Is that my goal, my end all, be all, or my entire life?  Because it shouldn't be.  My goal is to be me.  To be the very best version of me that I can possibly be, and that me is a helpful, kind, compassionate, friendly me.  I want to make a difference in people's lives.  FFA member's lives, yes, but beyond that- people's lives.  And if I don't become a National Officer, I'm still going to accomplish that goal.  So there's no pressure, really, because my goal is one hundred percent achievable and I have the rest of my life to attain it.

I'm not ready for National Convention right now, this very second.  But lucky for me, convention is still a little ways away,  So talk to me 150 hours from now.  And then I'll be as ready as I ever hoped to be.  Of course, there will always be something more I could have done, but I'm not sure how much difference it would have made anyway.  I have a little ways to go, but I've come a long ways since last November.

Here's a poem I found on Bethany Bohnenblust's National Officer blog today.

Fresh Start

Here marks a fresh start

a new freedom for my heart

My chance at being me,

doing what I want, totally free.

And it won't be a big deal.

It's nothing like I thought,

I survived the battles I fought.

My thoughts are all gone,

like the night at down.

My soul is free of sorrow,

I'll do what I want tomorrow.

I can't be held or bound.

I will spread my wings and leave this ground.

Distraction has no control.

My life will no longer be dull.

I will have the power.

I'll pass the highest tower.

Don't try to stop me now,

'Cause you won't know how.

For I will be totally free.

And I'll be one hundred percent me!

by xO

And here's a quote she posted as well:

"I have always been delighted at a prospect of a new day, a fresh try, one more start with perhaps a big of magic waiting somewhere behind the morning." ~Joseph Priestly

My goal for September (I just decided, two minutes ago) is to be calm.  Reflecting on what I've written here can help me to do that.  I love that I have tomorrow to improve: to focus more, to be more productive, to be more outgoing, to be more calm, and to be a better me.  I'm so grateful for my savior's atonement that allows me endless and constant "do-overs" in my life.  Tomorrow I will not feel this way.  Tomorrow will be better.

While I'm talking about myself and how I be myself, I guess I'll post this poem as well.  It was originally sent to one of my co-workers, the wonderful Patricia, and it describes her perfectly.  I read it and loved it and stole it.  I hope it describes me as well.  I've always felt that hard work is a solution for everything.

To be of Use
The people I love the best
jump into work head first
without dallying in the shallows
and swim off with sure strokes almost out of sight.
They seem to become natives of that element,
the black sleek heads of seals
bouncing like half submerged balls.

I love people who harness themselves, an ox to a heavy cart,
who pull like water buffalo, with massive patience,
who strain in the mud and the muck to move things forward,
who do what has to be done, again and again.

I want to be with people who submerge
in the task, who go into the fields to harvest
and work in a row and pass the bags along,
who stand in the line and haul in their places,
who are not parlor generals and field deserters
but move in a common rhythm
when the food must come in or the fire be put out.

The work of the world is common as mud.
Botched, it smears the hands, crumbles to dust.
But the thing worth doing well done
has a shape that satisfies, clean and evident.
Greek amphoras for wine or oil,
Hopi vases that held corn, are put in museums
but you know they were made to be used.
The pitcher cries for water to carry
and a person for work that is real.

by Marge Piercy

So my plan for the rest of today: read The Leadership Challenge and skim through The Arsenal again.  Have a little fun today.  Tomorrow I'm spending as much time as I can handle here at the library, delving head-first into Hot Topics 101!  I'd like to study all day Monday as well, I think most of my roommates are going home...but I don't have internet at the condo yet, and nothing on campus will be open.  Anyone know of a good internet cafe?

One of the most gorgeous views on Earth, at the Pettit farm.  Mmm, I feel calmer already...

Have a great long weekend.  I'll be studying.

Love, Rachel

The Wonder of People

I was hoping that I would have a video of the speech I gave to the rotary today to put in this post. After all, I thought, this will be the third time I give it and it should be the best.

Well, I wouldn't say it was the best.  And I forgot the camera.  Not at home, but at work.  Bummer, because I would really have liked to review it to see if I was talking as fast as I thought I was, among other things.

But that's all I'm going to say about the speech- it went well but it certainly could have gone better.  I don't blame myself for that- given all that was going on yesterday I didn't have much time to go over it and I hadn't given it in over a month.

Somehow though, I learned so much from going to that Rotary meeting, and even though life has been rough lately, I walked out feeling like I had the world on a string.  So here's what happened:

I went into the building just before the meeting started, and as usual went through the awkward before-people-get-their-meal part of the meeting when everyone is connecting with old friends and I am obviously an outsider.  That didn't last long however, as soon as I got my food and sat down, John Klapperich came up to me.

I don't know if this man has ever met me.  He acted like we'd been friends for years, but that could be just his personality.  Anyway, he comes over and introduces himself and says things like, "Rachel!  Superstar Rachel! Can I please sit next to you?"  So I promised him I'd save him a seat, and he went to get his food.  When he came back he talked to me about myself.  But it didn't end there.  One by one, Mr. Klapperich connected with every person at the table.  It was like watching a video of the leadership books I've been reading- Mr. Klapperich totally follows the thirty-second rule (Maxwell writes whenever you meet someone you should say something nice about them within the first 30 seconds of your conversation).  Literally, the dialog went like this:

 "Rachel, I am so excited you're here, I've been looking forward to hearing you speak today."

"Linda, at work I was reading about charity events, and I noticed your business was a sponsor for almost all of them.  Your name was everywhere and I thought, 'she really is a good person.' "

"Mike, over here, sit by me!  I know you have to eat quickly to start the meeting, can I pour your water?"

And on and on he went, addressing each person at our table.  I had been feeling a little nervous earlier, but he made me feel completely comfortable, and I thought, What a nice guy.

It didn't end there though.  At Wasilla Rotary they have an "inspirational moment," which I think is kind of like a seminary devotional of sorts.  The gentlemen who gave it was named David, and he's actually the guy that helped line me up to speak at the Wasilla Rotary in the first place.  I wish now I knew his last name...I think it's Johnson.

So David gets up and says that the people in Rotary are his inspiration, and then begins naming a few names of people and why they inspire him.  I thought he'd pick out a few of the well-known members...but he didn't do that at all.  He went through every table and named every member and guest by first name, then added why they inspired him. Every person in the room.  I was floored.

While announcements were going on and before my speech, Mr. Klapperich handed me 15 out of the 20 split the pot tickets he had purchased.  I didn't know what to say.  Then he silently filled up my empty water glass.

The time of the meeting came around for me to give my speech, and it was a little rough.  But by the crowd's reaction, you would have thought I had just solved the world's hunger crisis.  As soon as I finished, Mr. Klapperich all but yelled, "She's got my vote!"

I sat down and they did the drawing for the split the pot, and none of my fifteen tickets were chosen.  No sooner were the winning numbers announced than I heard a woman I've never met say, "I'm donating it to the Rachel Kenley Campaign Fund."

Just so there's no confusion- I definitely do not have a campaign fund.  And I tried to refuse the money, but of course she wouldn't let me.  So I'm very grateful to this woman (whose name I never got) for her $40 contribution to success.  It will pay for 40% of my tuition for a training weekend I'm going to attend.

After the split the pot came Happy Bucks. If you've never been to a Rotary meeting, Happy Bucks is the section of the meeting where people can express something that makes them happy and donate money to the club.  Almost everyone who stood up donated a happy buck because of my mediocre speech.  Their comments were so uplifting and encouraging.  Here are a few of my favorites (paraphrased, because I don't have an impeccable memory):

"Rachel, your speech inspired me and I can't wait to see where you are in ten years.  I hope you'll come back and share with us the rest of your adventure."

"I so enjoyed Rachel's speech, and she reminded me that as I'm starting a new business, the challenges will make it successful, because we learn by making mistakes."

"For two years of my life I lived in Enterprise, Alabama, and I know the story of the monument to the boll weevil.  I loved the way you included it in your speech."

"My father was a cotton and a soybean farmer in the south, so I understand how hard the transition was.  Thank you for the speech.  You are a truly beautiful speaker and I wish you the best of luck."

And this last one was great- no offense to the other candidates of course:
"I say, those other 51 candidates should be scared."

I have never received so much praise concentrated on me at one time in my life.  I wanted to cry out, "Stop, stop, my head will inflate and explode!"  But honestly, it felt so good.  I felt like these random strangers really believed in me- so I could believe in myself.  They showed me so much kindness.

After the meeting was over, Mr. Klapperich asked me how he could help me, and offered to do an interview with me on his radio station.  Then he asked me more about the selection process, and finally asked me a two-fold question:  "Why do you want to be a National Officer?  What skills do you have that would make you successful in this position?"

My stomach flipped over as I thought, this is it.  This is the question, the 'why are you running for National Office question!  And I said, "I think I would be a great National Officer because I have good communication skills.  I've always been able to talk to people easily and I want to use that skill to connect with other members.  And I want to be a National Officer because I feel like I have been blessed by so many National Officers in my own life.  They have inspired me and helped me to become the person I am today.  And I feel that since I have the skills and opportunity to become a National Officer, I have a responsibility to turn around and be a role model- to do for younger FFA members what was done for me."

Then Mr. Klapperich said, "Kid, I'll see you at the top, and I mean the top!"

Even though my speech wasn't flawless today, I walked out of that meeting feeling, well, like John C. Maxwell puts it, like a million bucks.  The members of that Rotary club made me feel like a million bucks.  And they reminded me why I'm putting all this time into studying- it's not to know every fact about FFA history, or to be able to memorize a perfect and polished speech- it's to connect with others and to serve them.

So thanks, Wasilla Rotary, for being living examples of who I want to be.  You made my day fantastic.
Rachel

What a Gorgeous Day

Hey everyone,
I had to work today (a Saturday) but I didn't mind at all.  I mostly just drove around and then when I wasn't driving I was visiting with farmers at five different farmers markets in the beautiful sunshine.   I am truly blessed to have this internship.

The day before yesterday I produced the "Fresher by Far" newsletter all by myself- start to finish.  A major part of that was interviewing and writing a profile on Bruce Bush of Bushes Bunches.  It was really cool to take a tour by Rhino of his farm and talk to him about its history.  He also had a lot to say about youth in agriculture and their importance, and, of course, rhubarb.

I need to clean the kitchen up a bit before I go hiking tonight (when you get a beautiful day in Alaska, you gotta enjoy it!) Maybe I'll read some out of a leadership book too.

Have a great rest of the weekend,
Rachel

The Problem With Marathons, July's Goal and My Brand

Hey guys,
No work today, I had the day off because I have to work in Saturday and that will busy.  So my plan was to have a studying marathon and catch up on the four hours I was short of my goal last week.  Or at least just log some.

Unfortunately, it just so happens to be a blazingly sunny and beautiful day!  And it's making it hard to concentrate.

The day started out a little rocky as a I started reading a new leadership book (because I finished 25 Ways to Win With People last night) called The Brand You 50.  I'm not giving up on it just yet, but let's just say it's not my favorite.  Tom Peters doesn't believe in correct grammar or sentence structure, apparently.  I'll still work on getting through that book, I think it just starts slow, but in the mean time I started "Leadership Is An Art" by Max De Pree.  It's also a different format from what I'm used to.  But I like what it says about writing in books:

"As a child, I often watched adults study books and learned one of my first lessons about reading.  They wrote in their books.  Intent and involved readers often write in the margins and between the lines."

Wow- this definitely describes me!  If you flip through my leadership books you'll see a lot of yellow highliter and black pen.  I wish I could say you'd get a lot out of reading my notes, but you probably wouldn't- they're pretty nonsensical to people besides myself.  My physics teacher used to tell us to "talk to the text," when we read our physics book (or if, in most cases) and that's where I got the habit. I'm constantly debating the principles, and writing in the margins, "Do I agree with this?" and "How can I say this without sounding cheesy?"

I digress.  After I did a bit of reading, I started to do a handful of other things.  I just felt all day like I had too much to do and it was a little overwhelming.  But when I step back, I really did get quite a bit done, including:

• Almost my entire FFA Application (excluding a few of the harder things)
• Called people to write me letters of recommendation
• Read through and studied the Monday Morning Monitor
• Checked in with Jeff
• E-mailed two people about training weekends
• Sent about a million emails to Rayne (or 3)
• Worked on 35 "Ways to Encourage the Heart" #33- writing thank you notes
• Read leadership books
• Two blog posts
• And I checked again just to make sure the due date for the application is indeed August 1st.

 So, up to now it's been 4.5 hours.  Which isn't bad, I guess.  I just need to not expect marathons to be very successful, because I can't focus after a few hours.  Oh well. I also got some other things done, like scheduling an appointment to get my hair cut and going to the gym (ie, March's goal).

Speaking of goals: It's July!  And it's been July for a while, but I've had this goal and have just forgotten to mention it.  So here it is: Exercise Patience.  Man, this is such a hard thing for me.  And I don't even know if this is the right wording for what I'm trying to do.  Not only am I trying to be more patient about life and the pace it goes, I'm trying to be more patient with others and mostly, control my temper.

Two weeks ago I got into a huge fight with my sister Rita, over, essentially  whether "dating" is defined as "going out" with someone or "going on a date" with someone.  Ridiculous, I know, but I totally lost my cool and it took me a long time to get in control of myself.  At one point I was ranting and my sister said, "Imagine there was a camera right here in the car (we were on our way home from Anchorage) recording you right now, wouldn't you be embarrassed to watch yourself?"


At the time I was mad, so I just thought, whatever.  But now I think, "Oh man.  What if there was a camera.  What if the nominating committee saw me at my worst, my very brattiest,  instead of this responsible, put-together servant-leader I'll be doing my best to present to them.  If they knew I treated my family this way, they would never elect me."

And, that's all very true.  So I'm working this month on that.  As a sidenote, I don't know why it's always my sister Rita who says things that impact me so much- she also contributed a quote to my retiring address.  It's probably because she's so honest- but I appreciate that.

Could this be officially considered a diatribe?  Probably.  I'm going to get to work on the harder aspects of the application now (the letter of application and the resume).
-Rachel

What I Did Today...

• Went to "work"
• Drove out to the Butte and interviewed the Huppert family
• Learned all about the history of Palmer Produce, Butte Farms, and Alaska Gold Nuggets Produce
• Drove to the Huppert's gorgeous fields and took pictures, like this one:

I may be biased- but is that not the most magnificent mountain you've ever seen?

• Went back to "work"
• Wrote a profile on the Huppert family, to be published in the Fresher By Far newsletter
• Spent my lunch break reading "25 Ways to Win With People," by John C. Maxwell
• Revised my profile piece twice
• Attended a meeting to plan the Governor's Picnic
• Planned next week, which will include another Farmer Profile, a trip to Willow, 3 trips to Anchorage, 19 store visits, and up to 9 farmers market visits, and plenty of opportunities for personal growth.
• Left "work" thinking, 'Are they seriously paying me to do this?  I love my job.'

:)

Rachel

Dreams

Yesterday, I got to pick a sticker to put on my magnet for the sign in board at work (yeah, I know- so legit!)  I chose a green sticker that said, "Dare to Dream."  I thought it was fitting.

In this post, I want to give a shout out to my cousin Kim.  This girl has a fabulous singing voice- one that I admittedly have always been jealous of.  This August, she's following her dream, in the form of flying to California to audition for American Idol.

It would be lying if I didn't say that when I heard this, I thought automatically about the vast number of people who audition for the show and how many get turned down while only a few make it to the finals.  Then I realized what a dumb thought that was!  Whether or not this works out for Kim, I think it's awesome that she's doing it, it's an adventure and in many ways, she's doing it for the same reasons I'm running for National Office.  And I wish her the best of luck.

I'm sure Kim will do well at American Idol auditions- and in life- because she's so optimistic and a total go-getter.  Here's a good description of her: this is her Info Box quote on Facebook (courtesy of Dr. Suess):

"I've heard there are troubles
Of more then one kind.
Some come from ahead
Some come from behind.
But I've bought a big bat,
I'm all ready you see.
Now my troubles are going to have 

troubles with me."

So I've been thinking a lot about Kim going after her dreams, and it's really affirmed in my mind the reasons I'm running for National Office.  Chasing away doubts has always been a struggle for me, I'm cynical, skeptical, and pessimistic..so I need constant reminding.  In my Rotary Speech in Anchorage, I spoke about challenges and how one of my personal heroes, William Wilberforce, overcame his. If you are unfamiliar with William Wilberforce, he was mainly responsible for abolishing the slave trade in Britain the early 1800s.  Here's an excerpt from my speech:

"When I think of Wilberforce’s life and the struggles he went through to achieve his goals, I am reminded of a poem by C.W. Longenecker:

'If you think you are beaten, you are,

If you think you dare not, you don't.
If you like to win, but you think you can't,
It is almost certain you won't.

Life's battles don't always go
To the stronger or faster man.
But soon or late the man who wins,
Is the man who thinks he can.'

I know this poem wasn’t written when Wilberforce was alive, but I’m relatively certain that Wilberforce lived his life in accordance to a similar creed. After all, who was he to change the world?

He was challenging a system that had been in place for over one hundred years, and a system upon which the finances of Britain rested almost entirely. He had no qualifications- he was young, small, sickly, and hadn’t even done well in school. He was also a devout Methodist during a time when religious devotion was looked upon as a social transgression. Yet Wilberforce didn’t allow his circumstances to stop him from achieving the impossible. The secret to his success lies in his tireless tenacity and his unwavering positive attitude."

Thanks again, William Wilberforce and Kim, for reminding me to follow my dreams.  You guys are awesome.
-Rachel

PS: Yes, I do realize William Wilberforce is dead and will not be receiving my thankfulness.  It's okay. :)

My New Job!

Hey everybody,
I started a new job today!  Well, I guess technically I started yesterday, but I didn't really do any work...just became a master at form-fill-outing and policies and procedures.

But today- I got to go on store visits with Patricia and get a handle on what it is I will actually be doing as an intern for the Division of Ag.  And it was very exciting!  I can tell I will learn a lot that will helpful in seeking National Office, not only about agriculture, but about talking to people and being a representative of ag in Alaska.  Yesterday, I read a packet about the Division of Ag's goals and such, and it was full of spectacular information about Alaska and agriculture that I should know, and it was work!

I'm also learning I need to be more outgoing.  On the way out of town today, Patricia asked me, "Are you always this quiet?"   To which I wanted to respond, "Trust me, I'm not quiet at all- you just don't know me yet!"  So I'm working on being more comfortable carrying on conversations (even when I'm nervous!) and I know this job will help me out with that.

We went to Talkeetna today and did store visits for all the stores on the way in.  Once in Talkeetna we visited Cubby's Market and then stopped in to the new location of Kahiltna Birchworks- where Dulce Ben-East and Michael East welcomed us.  It was so cool to get to talk with them and learn more about syrup making- it is such a process!  They have a really neat Canadian evaporator there, and a machine called a "Reverse Osmosis Machine."  I wish I remembered what exactly it did...I think it takes all the water out of the sap before they boil it.  Anyway, I was impressed with their business.  Birch syrup is delicious, by the way.

Another perk of driving all the way to Talkeetna today was that it was sunny, clear, and beautiful, which meant Patricia and I got a fantastic view of Denali (or Mt. McKinley).  I hadn't ever seen it that clearly, so we drove to the outlook to look for a few minutes along with all the tourists.  That mountain is spectacular.  I'm so grateful to live in surrounded by such beauty.

This is kind of a crappy picture of me in front of Denali from two years ago- after Blast Off training.  

Denali it the tallest mountain, in the upper right.  I wish I had my camera today, because there were NO clouds in front of it.  Oh well.

Well, tomorrow I get to go interview a farmer and write a profile for the Division's Alaska Grown newsletter (Fresher By Far).  I'm so excited to have such a sweet job!

Have a wonderful Wednesday!
Rachel

What Do I Do If It Doesn't Happen?

In October, I got to go to the National Convention and compete in Job Interview.  I'm so grateful I had that opportunity.  At that time, I had begun seriously considering running for National Office and I decided that I would think about it at National Convention and make my decision by the time I got back to Logan.

When I got back to my dorm, I called Rayne and said, "I want to do it.  I want to do all of it."  And the rest, as they say is history.

The facts are, I made my decision before I got back to Logan, I made my decision about halfway through the convention.  So after I decided, I payed really close attention to the National Officer Candidates: how they presented themselves on stage, who had made the cut, what they did in their spare time, etc.  It helped that a lot of them were friends of mine from SPC and NLCSO. :)

At the closing session, my chapter (well I guess, my association? most of Alaska, anyhow) showed up to the Fieldhouse over an hour early to get seats.  we ended up sitting on the right side (looking from the stage) on the wing nearest to the floor.  They weren't delegate seats (oh how I miss those!) but they were still really good, and they happened to be just across the aisle from the National Officer Candidates.

When the time finally came to announce the 2009-2010 team, I watched the candidates intently.  I said to myself, "These are the best seats ever!"  I felt like I was part of the action, watching first-hand the thrilled new officers run to their posts.  And I thought the whole time, "This could be me next year."

Then, they were all up on stage.  The wrapping up began and everyone sat down again.  Then I made the mistake of looking over at the National Officer Candidates section.

I had just witnessed six of the happiest people I had ever seen run on stage, and when I looked over at the NOC section, I saw at least ten of the saddest people I had ever seen.  I guess I had forgotten that the people who made the first cut really didn't know who was going to make it- and I expect coming so far just to be cut was a devastating blow.  Looking over, I saw people who had worked really, really, hard, and everything they had worked for had just been whisked away.  They were crushed.

I immediately wished I had not sat so close.

Luckily, loved ones and coaches came to support them and I'm sure everyone was okay after a while.  But it was a weird part of the national officer selection process that most people don't get to see.

This really bothered me, because I had just made up my mind that I was going to commit myself for the next year to prepare to run- but what if it didn't happen for me?  I didn't want to be crushed, or to feel like preparing was a waste of time, or that I didn't have anything to look forward to.  It was a dilemma.

When I got back to Logan, I told my brother I was going to run, and his response was, "Just don't cry if you don't make it."  I said I couldn't guarantee anything.

Then, a few months ago, I got a questionnaire response from 2008-2009 National Central Region VP Morgan Parker (thanks again!)  He said something that really made me think:

"You also have to have a backup plan. If I wasn't elected, I knew exactly what I was going to do. And I wasn't going to be heart broken about it. Contrary to popular belief, there is life beyond the blue jacket."

 So yes, I am committing myself fully to preparing to be a National Officer.  But if it doesn't happen, I'm not going to be crushed.  Yes, being a National Officer would be fantastic, and a dream come true.  But if I'm not a National Officer, I'll be able to do a lot of other things I otherwise wouldn't be able to do.  And here's a list of them I've been brainstorming.

See Micah as soon as he comes home in July 2011.

Do a semester abroad.

Do more improv.

Try something new here at school I've wanted to do, like the Swing Dancing Club or Latter-Day Voices.

Improve my piano skills.

Cut my hair however I want (if I don't make it I think I'll cut it all off just for fun)

Hang out with my friends.

Wear big earrings whenever I want.
Possibly go on a mission.
Be in a play or musical again. 

Take an animal production class in the spring.

Go to church every week.

Get a cool internship for next summer (like in D.C. or something!)

Spend time with my family (more than I would if I was a National Officer)

This picture was taken in 2007.  We hang out more than every 3 years, I promise, we just don't ever take pictures!

Eat a pizza (Rayne promised he'd buy me one if I didn't make it- any size, any toppings.  He has a lot of confidence I'll make it, 'cuz I don't think he goes around buying pizza for people very often. :)  Still though, it's a win-win: I become a National Officer, or I get a pizza!)

I'm sure there are more things that I could add to this list.  And don't worry- I have a list of great things about being a National Officer too...obviously I think it's a cool thing, or I wouldn't be devoting so much time to it.

The point is: I used to think I had to be National Officer.  I used to look at the National Officers in New Horizons magazine and think "That's going to be me...I want it SO bad...it has to happen!" and feel a little sick to my stomach (true story).  I used think I probably would cry if I didn't make it, and I didn't want to think about it because I knew how distraught I would be.

Now, I'm sure I'll be sad.  I wouldn't be being realistic if I told you I'll bounce back right away if it doesn't happen for me.  But I'll just look at this list, eat my pizza, and remind myself that it will all be okay. :)