I am sitting in the Salt Lake City Airport, getting ready to board a plane that will take me to an all new experience.
I am: frightened, nervous, excited, humbled, thrilled, bewildered, and wondering, where has the time gone? I seriously cannot fathom that it is convention time already. The whole last year has been replaying in my mind, and I'm trying to capture every minute: the semi-finals of Job Interview, Christmas in Alaska, the Denver Stock Show, going to Boston, making a video for State Convention, going home, Brittney's death, my job at the Division, leaving the Division, arriving in Logan, going to Minnesota, and now here.
I'm not so great at being calm- but I am working on it. I feel confident that I have done as much as I possibly could have to prepare for the selection process.
I'm so grateful for all the texts, phone calls, Facebook messages, and emails that have come to me in the last few days. They mean so much to me and have left me with wet eyes on many occasions. I'm turning into such a sap.
Thank you all for everything. I am leaning on the Lord and I know He will provide. I will have accomplished my goal if I perform the best that I can, and I just hope that it's enough.
I'm not sure if I will be blogging this week, but if I don't- I'll see you on the other side!
All my love,
Rachel
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Thursday, October 14, 2010
The Day of My Judgement is Near!
Seriously guys. Sunday starts a week of judgement. Me, my life, and my every move will be noticed, jotted down, and given a score from 1-5. Kind of intimidating.
But here's what I've learned from several long phone conversations with my awesome mother.
(1) My Heavenly Father wants what's best for me. I knew that, but Mom reminded me. And going to the temple reminded me. And I am trying to remind myself that this confidence, this awesome, elated, sure-I'm-going-to-do-well feeling is my Heavenly Father telling me that what I am doing is good and right. It doesn't mean I'll be selected as a National Officer. What it means is that either way, I win. Which brings me to...
(2) Whether or not I'm selected as a National Officer, I leave convention a winner. If I am selected, the winning's pretty obvious. (It involves running on stage, smiling, and explosions of confetti and the like.) But if I'm not selected, I win a year of uninterrupted, un-postponed, college education. I win a year I can spend actually being a college student! I win a spot on a professional improv troupe and the opportunity to perform several more times in the coming year. I win the chance to be home when nine months from now, Micah comes back home. I win a year of being able to go to church and partake of the sacrament and go to the temple. And either way, I win what's best for me.
(3) My Heavenly Father doesn't much care who is elected to National Office. But He cares a lot about me! And He cares about my happiness, and He will work out my life for the best. I trust Him.
(4) I'm going to have the time of my life next week, and a true "adventure in agriculture." It may be the last time I ever wear my blue jacket, and I'm going to make it a good one. I'm going to make friends I may keep for the rest of my life, and I'm going to be thrilled when those friends are elected, whether or not I am elected as well.
(5) Man do I have a support group behind me! It makes my heart fill with love when I just think about my family and my friends and the kind messages and outpourings of love and encouragement. That's awesome!
Oh by the way, I went to Spanish Fork today to do some workshops of Agricultural Communications for an ag teacher conference there. It was such a blessing to have one more chance to do a workshop. I feel that I facilitated pretty well (despite my scratchy voice half-way through) and that I was able to portray my personality and myself within a professional context. But then again, I never got any scores from 1-5, so that's just my impression. :)
In order to get to Spanish Fork, I had to get up at 5 AM...who does that? It's gross. I'm tired. After I got home I was too exhausted to prove a worthy opponent in the battle of wits called Mock Round Robin Conversations, so instead I went to the mall to get adequate business casual dress for the convention.
The plan for tomorrow includes:
But here's what I've learned from several long phone conversations with my awesome mother.
(1) My Heavenly Father wants what's best for me. I knew that, but Mom reminded me. And going to the temple reminded me. And I am trying to remind myself that this confidence, this awesome, elated, sure-I'm-going-to-do-well feeling is my Heavenly Father telling me that what I am doing is good and right. It doesn't mean I'll be selected as a National Officer. What it means is that either way, I win. Which brings me to...
(2) Whether or not I'm selected as a National Officer, I leave convention a winner. If I am selected, the winning's pretty obvious. (It involves running on stage, smiling, and explosions of confetti and the like.) But if I'm not selected, I win a year of uninterrupted, un-postponed, college education. I win a year I can spend actually being a college student! I win a spot on a professional improv troupe and the opportunity to perform several more times in the coming year. I win the chance to be home when nine months from now, Micah comes back home. I win a year of being able to go to church and partake of the sacrament and go to the temple. And either way, I win what's best for me.
(3) My Heavenly Father doesn't much care who is elected to National Office. But He cares a lot about me! And He cares about my happiness, and He will work out my life for the best. I trust Him.
(4) I'm going to have the time of my life next week, and a true "adventure in agriculture." It may be the last time I ever wear my blue jacket, and I'm going to make it a good one. I'm going to make friends I may keep for the rest of my life, and I'm going to be thrilled when those friends are elected, whether or not I am elected as well.
(5) Man do I have a support group behind me! It makes my heart fill with love when I just think about my family and my friends and the kind messages and outpourings of love and encouragement. That's awesome!
Oh by the way, I went to Spanish Fork today to do some workshops of Agricultural Communications for an ag teacher conference there. It was such a blessing to have one more chance to do a workshop. I feel that I facilitated pretty well (despite my scratchy voice half-way through) and that I was able to portray my personality and myself within a professional context. But then again, I never got any scores from 1-5, so that's just my impression. :)
In order to get to Spanish Fork, I had to get up at 5 AM...who does that? It's gross. I'm tired. After I got home I was too exhausted to prove a worthy opponent in the battle of wits called Mock Round Robin Conversations, so instead I went to the mall to get adequate business casual dress for the convention.
The plan for tomorrow includes:
- A morning run/walk- to think. I do a lot of that these days. (Sometimes I talk to myself, like yesterday...but only in the car.)
- A conference with Rayne that will include my last mock Stand and Deliver
- More mock Round Robin conversations
- Some work on Facilitation and Team Work questions
- The final preparations for my End of All Things notebook (or whatever I decided I was going to call it...)
- A facial, a color gloss, and a manicure (yay!)
- Deciding what business casual clothes to bring (with the help of my fashionista sisters)
- Packing
- Studying for the written test, specifically the education section.
- Attending the improv show...it's kinda what I do on Friday at 10:30. Won't you join me?
Looking good in official dress, my first day in Minnesota
(Most of) The Minnesota Crew, L to R: Mr. Sawatzke, Chelsea, Jessie, Jessica, Wyatt, Lavyne, Me, Lucas, Katie, and Luke
I need to shine up my boots. I really need to shine up my boots.
Check out the blue paint...where did that even come from?
I would like new boots. But I do not need them!
That's enough for tonight. Tomorrow will be here soon enough.
Love to all,
Rachel
Monday, October 11, 2010
Cramming and an Extended, Overdue Thank You
I'm trying not to type, "I hate the written test."
Looks like I just did...oh well. I cannot believe that I leave for National Convention on Saturday! Where has the time gone? It's so strange to think that show time is now, when it always felt so far away. And next Saturday, my life will change.
Either I will become a National Officer, or I won't. Option one will make me even more busy, and thrilled. Option two will give me a needed break, and I might be a little disappointed, but I'll be fine.
In the next few days, I am trying to cram as much knowledge into my noggin about agricultural issues, the American education system, agricultural education, and FFA. I guess I'm the most scared about the written test because that's the one thing I haven't done a practice round of. But I'll be fine. I'm a good test-taker, but I just want to make sure that I knock those sixty stupid questions out of the park.
And one thing that is making that difficult- FFA chose this week to remodel the website, so it's not wanting to cooperate. Ugh! Oh well. I've got about half an hour left to study before I'm indulging in improv and then in Canadian Thanksgiving with Calvin and Nat before my (much needed!) video conference with Rayne tonight.
But before I sign off here, I just want to make a public thank-you to everyone who reads this- and to everyone who doesn't, who have helped me SO much in this process. You all mean the world to me and I wouldn't be where I am without you.
Mr. Evans, Dr. Miller, Dr. Lawver, Professor Stewardson, and Dr. Warnick- You guys have been like an adopted family of Utah FFA Helpers to me! I am so grateful to all of you for taking me in and doing everything in your power to help me prepare. I know I would be lost in scheduling this semester without you. I also appreciate all the opportunities you've given me to practice public speaking and facilitation through ULC, ATA, and the ag teachers' conference. And thank you for letting Jimmy and I hop around your classrooms doing our Hot Topic speeches. I have been so blessed to find mentors and coaches in all of you here at USU and I will not easily forget the assistance you gave. Thank you!
My other professors: Mrs. Johnson, Dr. Evans, Professor Wheeler, and Dr. Burton- You are all so incredible for working with me this semester. You could have easily refused to take a student into your class who might leave half-way through, but you were so gracious and made my life so easy. I wish there were more teachers like you! Thank you for allowing me this opportunity to represent agriculture students nation-wide and allowing me to pursue a life-long dream.
Past National Officers and National Officer Candidates- Thank you so much for responding to my annoying questionnaires, walking me through the selection process, and answering my endless, specific questions. You are all so talented, so knowledgeable and so helpful, and I look up to you. Thanks for paving the way for student success- mine included.
Megan Peterson- Thank you for being my distinguished ULC partner last December. I learned so much from that experience and from YOU. You are such an example to me and a great credit to the Utah FFA Association. You have been so helpful in my preparation, just by being there and answering my questions. I cannot thank you enough for that.
The Palmer, Wasilla, and Anchorage Rotary Clubs, the Palmer LIONs Club, and the Palmer Farm Bureau- Thank you for giving me the opportunity to speak to you this summer. I learned so much about speaking from those experiences, and even more about what really great people look and act like: you are those people. You are examples to me and I think of you everyday. I had a horrible thought a few months ago that I would hate not being selected because I would let all those who believed in me down, but I know you won't be disappointed in me. Thank you for helping me prepare to the best of my ability this summer.
My family at the Division of Ag: Franci, Curt, Kirk, Doug, Lora, Connie, Erik, Ray, Candie, Barbara, Mia, and especially Patricia and Amy- Thank you for making last summer AMAZING. Everyday I went to work I thought, "Is this really my job? Am I really getting paid for this?" I had some of the most fantastic experiences of my life as an intern with you, and I learned something from each of you. You are some of the hardest working people I know, and I also know you are vastly under-appreciated. I never properly thanked you for the going away party you threw me. I was so touched by your gesture I almost cried! I hope that I do become a National Officer, but if I don't, I hope you'll take me back to work with you all again. Thank you for all that you did for me, and all that you do everyday for Alaskan agriculture.
My Minnesota FFA Family, including the high school ag teachers (especially Mr. Sawatzke), the Hutchinson and Dassel-Cokato FFA members, the Department of Agriculture employees, and the Alumni- Thank you for the incredible experience you provided in Minnesota at your training conference a few weeks ago. It was SO worth it, and I'm so grateful for all your hard work in putting it together. I owe you all, and I'm so grateful that you were willing to help me. I feel so loved and I can't wait to (hopefully!) see most of you at National Convention very soon!
My State Officer Team: Taylor Berberich, Corinne Ogle, and Derek Monarch- During our year of service, you each taught me so much. And now, it's been over a year since we retired (can you believe it?) and you still teach me just by being my friends. I miss being with you all the time. I miss our tot. :) Thank you so much for supporting me this last year, whether with an encouraging word, email or a talk at the airport. I would not be here if it weren't for you. Thanks a million!
Jimmy Lotspeich- It has been SO fun to have you here at Utah State University this semester, and so helpful to do practice speeches with you. I also really appreciate the times we can just talk about FFA, ag ed, the process, or anything else. It's so nice to have someone who has been there and who understands, to talk to. You could have easily kept to yourself, and not helped me at all- since we are competing. But you have been so generous in helping me prepare and answering all my questions. Thank you for that. In my dream world, I hope we're both selected. I don't know if that will happen, but I will say this: if it can't be me, there is no one in the world I would want to become a National Officer more than you. I hope you knock the socks off the Nominating Committee next week. Good luck!
Elder Fry- Does not/cannot read this blog. But he's helped me out a lot through his great letters. I'll write to him my thanks in my next letter.
Mr. Berberich- Where would I be without you and Palmer FFA? You were so helpful to me this summer in my preparation, but beyond that- you've made me the person I am today. I learned so much from FFA and credit that organization- more than any other- for the personal growth I made in high school and beyond. Thank you for allowing me to take your ag classes, for volunteering your time for FFA meetings and events, putting up with all our shenanigans, and even (and especially!) for leaving your game of golf to come explain to the police officers that we weren't trying to break into the ag building! You were such a great advisor and I admire the way that you connect with people. You made every convention, every activity, and every class, a treat, and I treasure those memories. Thank you so much.
Granny and Grandpy Oberg- You two basically make up my "ag heritage" and I so enjoyed learning about that through our talks this summer. You are two of the most amazing people I've ever had the privilege to meet. Hard work? You personify it. Kindness? It has no bounds with you. You inspire me, you astound me, and you are a huge part of me. I miss coming over to your house whenever I want whenever I think of home. I love you so very much. Thank you for being the kind of grandparents the whole neighborhood wants to claim. I am so proud to call you mine.
And finally, Rayne Reynolds- I don't know, but if I had to make an estimate, I would say that you have put almost twice as much time and effort into my preparation as I have! From day one, you were there for me, and I'm so grateful that you are a part of my life. I know that I would not be at all prepared for this process if it wasn't for your mentoring, video conferences, assignments, field trips, and advice. Sometimes I disagreed with your methods and got frustrated- and I'm really sorry for that. There is no possible way I can use words to thank you for your help as much as I'd like to. You've done so much for me, with no real incentive except your good heart. You have made me a better person since you've been a part of my life. I'm so excited for your new baby- because I know if you are at all the kind of dad that you have been a mentor to me, then your daughter will have the best daddy in the world! No matter what happens next Saturday, I can hold my head up because I know that you and I, together, have done everything possible to prepare for my success, and I feel confident that I can serve next year in any capacity. I really hope you won't be buying me a pizza, but if you do, at least we can eat it together. :) Thank you for everything.
Phew. I'm a little late for improv now, but that was needed and worth it. That was also kind of emotional draining- I just realized I really miss my family! Can't wait for next week though. Have a great Monday!
Rachel
Looks like I just did...oh well. I cannot believe that I leave for National Convention on Saturday! Where has the time gone? It's so strange to think that show time is now, when it always felt so far away. And next Saturday, my life will change.
Either I will become a National Officer, or I won't. Option one will make me even more busy, and thrilled. Option two will give me a needed break, and I might be a little disappointed, but I'll be fine.
In the next few days, I am trying to cram as much knowledge into my noggin about agricultural issues, the American education system, agricultural education, and FFA. I guess I'm the most scared about the written test because that's the one thing I haven't done a practice round of. But I'll be fine. I'm a good test-taker, but I just want to make sure that I knock those sixty stupid questions out of the park.
And one thing that is making that difficult- FFA chose this week to remodel the website, so it's not wanting to cooperate. Ugh! Oh well. I've got about half an hour left to study before I'm indulging in improv and then in Canadian Thanksgiving with Calvin and Nat before my (much needed!) video conference with Rayne tonight.
But before I sign off here, I just want to make a public thank-you to everyone who reads this- and to everyone who doesn't, who have helped me SO much in this process. You all mean the world to me and I wouldn't be where I am without you.
Mr. Evans, Dr. Miller, Dr. Lawver, Professor Stewardson, and Dr. Warnick- You guys have been like an adopted family of Utah FFA Helpers to me! I am so grateful to all of you for taking me in and doing everything in your power to help me prepare. I know I would be lost in scheduling this semester without you. I also appreciate all the opportunities you've given me to practice public speaking and facilitation through ULC, ATA, and the ag teachers' conference. And thank you for letting Jimmy and I hop around your classrooms doing our Hot Topic speeches. I have been so blessed to find mentors and coaches in all of you here at USU and I will not easily forget the assistance you gave. Thank you!
My other professors: Mrs. Johnson, Dr. Evans, Professor Wheeler, and Dr. Burton- You are all so incredible for working with me this semester. You could have easily refused to take a student into your class who might leave half-way through, but you were so gracious and made my life so easy. I wish there were more teachers like you! Thank you for allowing me this opportunity to represent agriculture students nation-wide and allowing me to pursue a life-long dream.
Past National Officers and National Officer Candidates- Thank you so much for responding to my annoying questionnaires, walking me through the selection process, and answering my endless, specific questions. You are all so talented, so knowledgeable and so helpful, and I look up to you. Thanks for paving the way for student success- mine included.
Megan Peterson- Thank you for being my distinguished ULC partner last December. I learned so much from that experience and from YOU. You are such an example to me and a great credit to the Utah FFA Association. You have been so helpful in my preparation, just by being there and answering my questions. I cannot thank you enough for that.
The Palmer, Wasilla, and Anchorage Rotary Clubs, the Palmer LIONs Club, and the Palmer Farm Bureau- Thank you for giving me the opportunity to speak to you this summer. I learned so much about speaking from those experiences, and even more about what really great people look and act like: you are those people. You are examples to me and I think of you everyday. I had a horrible thought a few months ago that I would hate not being selected because I would let all those who believed in me down, but I know you won't be disappointed in me. Thank you for helping me prepare to the best of my ability this summer.
My family at the Division of Ag: Franci, Curt, Kirk, Doug, Lora, Connie, Erik, Ray, Candie, Barbara, Mia, and especially Patricia and Amy- Thank you for making last summer AMAZING. Everyday I went to work I thought, "Is this really my job? Am I really getting paid for this?" I had some of the most fantastic experiences of my life as an intern with you, and I learned something from each of you. You are some of the hardest working people I know, and I also know you are vastly under-appreciated. I never properly thanked you for the going away party you threw me. I was so touched by your gesture I almost cried! I hope that I do become a National Officer, but if I don't, I hope you'll take me back to work with you all again. Thank you for all that you did for me, and all that you do everyday for Alaskan agriculture.
My Minnesota FFA Family, including the high school ag teachers (especially Mr. Sawatzke), the Hutchinson and Dassel-Cokato FFA members, the Department of Agriculture employees, and the Alumni- Thank you for the incredible experience you provided in Minnesota at your training conference a few weeks ago. It was SO worth it, and I'm so grateful for all your hard work in putting it together. I owe you all, and I'm so grateful that you were willing to help me. I feel so loved and I can't wait to (hopefully!) see most of you at National Convention very soon!
Collegiate FFA Members, Alpha Tau Alpha Members, Ag Comm Club Members, and USU Improv Members: Thank you all for your support. Everyone has been so kind and supportive of me, I cannot thank you enough. Thanks for listening to speeches, attending workshops, and giving me feedback. You are the best friends a girl could ask for.
My roommates- Thank you for putting up with me this semester. I know I'm boring and all I do is study FFA and you probably don't really understand that. Regardless, you have all been so supportive and listened to me blow off steam, and, although it would be awesome to be a National Officer- I would be so sad to have to leave you! Thanks for being such great and supportive friends.
My State Officer Team: Taylor Berberich, Corinne Ogle, and Derek Monarch- During our year of service, you each taught me so much. And now, it's been over a year since we retired (can you believe it?) and you still teach me just by being my friends. I miss being with you all the time. I miss our tot. :) Thank you so much for supporting me this last year, whether with an encouraging word, email or a talk at the airport. I would not be here if it weren't for you. Thanks a million!
Jimmy Lotspeich- It has been SO fun to have you here at Utah State University this semester, and so helpful to do practice speeches with you. I also really appreciate the times we can just talk about FFA, ag ed, the process, or anything else. It's so nice to have someone who has been there and who understands, to talk to. You could have easily kept to yourself, and not helped me at all- since we are competing. But you have been so generous in helping me prepare and answering all my questions. Thank you for that. In my dream world, I hope we're both selected. I don't know if that will happen, but I will say this: if it can't be me, there is no one in the world I would want to become a National Officer more than you. I hope you knock the socks off the Nominating Committee next week. Good luck!
Elder Fry- Does not/cannot read this blog. But he's helped me out a lot through his great letters. I'll write to him my thanks in my next letter.
Mr. Berberich- Where would I be without you and Palmer FFA? You were so helpful to me this summer in my preparation, but beyond that- you've made me the person I am today. I learned so much from FFA and credit that organization- more than any other- for the personal growth I made in high school and beyond. Thank you for allowing me to take your ag classes, for volunteering your time for FFA meetings and events, putting up with all our shenanigans, and even (and especially!) for leaving your game of golf to come explain to the police officers that we weren't trying to break into the ag building! You were such a great advisor and I admire the way that you connect with people. You made every convention, every activity, and every class, a treat, and I treasure those memories. Thank you so much.
Jeff Werner- Your advice is priceless and often cracks me up. Thank you for getting me information right when I needed it, talking to me about FFA issues, taking me to CTSO conferences, entertaining me, and just being there to talk to when life (and by life, I mean preparations) got crazy. Thanks for everything you do for the Alaska FFA. Without you, I never would have become a State Officer, and I would not be running for National Office or getting my American Degree. And who am I kidding, without you, there wouldn't be an Alaska FFA. Thank you for putting up with me all these years. You have helped me to become the person I am today and I am eternally grateful. You're awesome.
Granny and Grandpy Oberg- You two basically make up my "ag heritage" and I so enjoyed learning about that through our talks this summer. You are two of the most amazing people I've ever had the privilege to meet. Hard work? You personify it. Kindness? It has no bounds with you. You inspire me, you astound me, and you are a huge part of me. I miss coming over to your house whenever I want whenever I think of home. I love you so very much. Thank you for being the kind of grandparents the whole neighborhood wants to claim. I am so proud to call you mine.
My siblings- I know I complain about being the youngest (way too much!) but I'm so grateful to have six older and wonderful examples. You have all been so supportive of me. I really value your texts, emails, phone calls, advice, and seeing you all in the summer. When I decided to run I was so surprised with the help you all solicited in whatever way you could. I'm so proud to call you my older brothers and sisters and when I have a family of my own, I hope it will be just like yours.You all mean the world to me and I love and miss you very much!
Mom- You are my hero. You have always encouraged me to shoot for the stars and never once discouraged me. You keep me going even when everything is really hard and I live for your phone calls, texts, comments, and (even better!) seeing you every morning in the summer. I miss you so much! I know I would have just exploded by now without your words of encouragement and advice. You have really helped me realize the value of hard work through example. I love you so much and I know you will be there for me after next Saturday...no matter what happens.
Dad- Thanks for keeping me grounded. You work so hard for our family and I can't tell you how much that means to me. This summer gave me a tiny taste of what commuting is like- and I hate it! I'm so grateful that you do it every day so that our family could live in Palmer and do 4-H and FFA...which means you are a big reason why I can run for National Office at all. I love that whenever I talk to you on the phone you always ask me how classes are going and remind me of what is important in life. I love you!
Phew. I'm a little late for improv now, but that was needed and worth it. That was also kind of emotional draining- I just realized I really miss my family! Can't wait for next week though. Have a great Monday!
Rachel
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Haven't you heard, things are getting done.
Working on getting things done. Haircut and color = check. Getting more ready for the written test = check.
Alpha Tau Alpha Workshop (as of tonight) = check. I was really worried about it, but with some help fro my awesome mom I was able to formulate some good activities and an outline that I was proud of. Then...all my activities fell apart. Or the best one. But hey! The way I would normally react- by crying or freaking out or something- was not the way I did react. The way I reacted was by being flexible and adaptable andadjusting my workshop to the new circumstances. I feel comfortable about how the workshop went. Definitely room for improvement, but...it was good to get the experience.
I don't know what else to write. At this point, what will happen, will happen. I'm excited/nervous/anxious/thrilled to know what will happen.
The weekend is tomorrow- woohoo!
Rachel
Alpha Tau Alpha Workshop (as of tonight) = check. I was really worried about it, but with some help fro my awesome mom I was able to formulate some good activities and an outline that I was proud of. Then...all my activities fell apart. Or the best one. But hey! The way I would normally react- by crying or freaking out or something- was not the way I did react. The way I reacted was by being flexible and adaptable andadjusting my workshop to the new circumstances. I feel comfortable about how the workshop went. Definitely room for improvement, but...it was good to get the experience.
I don't know what else to write. At this point, what will happen, will happen. I'm excited/nervous/anxious/thrilled to know what will happen.
The weekend is tomorrow- woohoo!
Rachel
Monday, October 4, 2010
In a word, what I'm feeling now:
TIRED.
My goodness I'm so tired!I have so much to do in the next 12 days, it's ridiculous. The list is scaring me:
- 2 workshops
- More practice interviews (a few questions a night)
- Finishing my thank you cards from the Minnesota training
- Refining my story arsenal
- More Hot Topic practice speeches with Jimmy
- Brushing up on ag issues
- Making talking point sheets for Round Robin interviews
- Meeting with Mrs. Parry again
- Getting my hair cut and colored
- ...and cramming in as much knowledge as possible in my head for the written test!
I haven't been this busy since my senior year in high school when I was a state officer. I just feel like I have no time to breathe, and had to take a few minutes today to call some people and assure them that I don't hate them, I'm just ridiculously busy. This is definitely a big push to the finish, but in three weeks it will all be over either way. Either I'll continue to be this busy and on the run in my next big adventure for the next year, or...I'll have a few months to breath.
I don't know if I made the right decisions in my scheduling this semester. I feel like the things that bring me stress relief- piano and improv- also make my life more stressful. I don't know. Last week I practiced piano for an hour and a half because it felt so good and so mind-numbing. But today, I could only practice for twenty minutes because I just felt anxious. I'm still working on that calmness thing. It's also hard to know how much time I should spend working with the improv troupe, because I don't want it to take away from my National Office study, but I also don't want to abandon it and have to make up if I end up staying here.
If I do end up staying here...it will be a bit of a relief. I want to be a National Officer, I really do. I need a little time to breathe, to do laundry, to go grocery shopping, and heck, to just be a college student! I want to stay up late and say "yes!" when my friends invite me to watch Sherlock Holmes and just be myself with a little less stress. But I want to work hard now, so that even if I do come home, I'll feel like I've done everything I could have.
My goal for this month is to be more friendly and outgoing, so that I can portray that to the nominating committee. So that means less time with the iPod in my ears and more time talking to anyone I recognize. And in the past week, I've re-met two people I didn't even know were here at Utah State!
How am I going to get through the next 12 days? I...don't know. I have a lot to do! But I love this quote I found on my friend Laura's facebook status:
"You cannot plow a field by turning it over in your mind."
So off to work I go. Actually- off to bed I go. And in the morning...off to work. Wish me luck!
-Rachel
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